SIX YEAR OLD SON WITH ASD

Hello all,

Thank you again for your help and advice.  I am due to meet with the school again in February and i will discuss this with them again and verify why they do not think he would get one to one support, ( as they mentioned no benefit in getting my son assessed at the moment as the would get no additional help) .  i am not sure if this is because they do not feel he needs it at present as he is making progress with school help alone, or simply no funding available?

When my son is at home sometimes really relaxed just me and his Dad he is absouloutly fine and i imagine it is all just a mistake and he is simply shy !  yes i know, but then when he gets a bit stressed if they have swimming at school or gym, as he is not completly sure what to expect he has to be on the school bus in the morning if he missed it i think he would have a meltdown so i have  chosen not to test that theory.  He does drone on to me and his Dad at times about Skylanders or moshi monsters unable to see the lack of interest as it is always a very one sided conversation!  He does thankfully have a best friend helped by there love of wii games !! they have there uses !  i think we are lucky at the moment i would say my son suffers mildly but things may change i already plan to home tutor if he cannot cope with stress and journey to high school, although i know that is a long way off. 

I think alot of the time my sons symptoms are mild beceuse we do not push him, we are solitary people any way, he goes to a small school ,at weekends we tend to do the same things or ask our son what he wants to do as we are pleased to accomodate him as if he is happy so are we!  My husband and i dont go out and we have  never left son with minders , just never have.  SO ALL THE THINGS Aspies would normally find upsetting or stressful he is guarded against, i hope that is a good thing?!  He loves holidays but does like to be involved in the planning.  I am hopefull for the future, my husband who is definatly an undiagnosed mild  aspie is in full time employement and very accomplished and i do look at him and feel hopeful if he did it so can our son. 

Thank you

hi again - please remember that things change.  What will happen when your son goes to secondary school for example?  He'll get older, his needs may change.    I don't regard a diagnosis as a label.  My son was diagnosed before his 3rd birthday.  The diagnosis (label) has enabled him to get educated in the right environment.  It enabled us to access some respite care + to claim benefits such as dla, which proved useful.  It's enabled him to move into supported living with autism-specific carers.  If he hadn't been diagnosed then at least some of this wdn't have happed or wd have happened at a later stage, probably after some degree of heartache when things started to go awry.  Diagnosis or no diagnosis, if he has autism then he has it + it's important that any help he may need is available.  bw, hope things sort out soon.

By no means does he need a label but if you have the referal and it does point to asd you dont have to agree to a statement .My son has had alot of funding in school before his diagnosis as he is on action plus support , i no you live in a remote place but if a full time one to one is needed funding is there from goverment , it wud create a job for some one or someone may travel to the school from another area x

Its can be very difficult to get your head round , i felt like i was labeling my son at 1st and wasnt happy about that .But as time has moved on in certain situatuations i do find it easier to just explain to people he has asd ,because of his meltdowns .I think it helps peoples awareness so as they consider things before judging poeple .

I would also say for sure my husband has autistic traits , iv been with him 9 years an at times have despaired at his attitude .But learning more and more about autism i cud definatley see this was the reason why he  was so blinkered at times .I suppose like i did , you just love and accepet them for who they are and work your way through issues .I dont no when it happened but i changed my approach and gave him time to process things and then he would always come thru in the end . He agrees himself that he thinks he has it mildly ,an he is a succsesful man as im sure your husband is.

So there is always hope for our kids even more so as there is an exellent network of support and awareness now xxx

Hello all,

Thank you for your comments and support,  Thankfully my son does go to a very small mainstream school the local speech therapist who sits in on school meetings has said he is in the best possible place for a child like my son.  The school shares a support for learning teacher with a another local school, i think she comes in a couple of hours a week to run the lego class and circle times.   It has been a strange roller coaster ride of a year after the first mention of Autism by his primary one teacher.   a few months later we were referred to a speech therapist  as my son is quite shy and does not speek up often a school at home he is a differnet child! hates to be the center of attention, at the end of a second visit with speech therapist she said" i am pleased to say your son does not have a disorder, enjoy him " i will never forget the relief nor those words, but at my last school meeting in November i repeated them back to the therapist with the other teachers present , and she said "that was before i had the full picture"  !!  he has been making progress and all in the meeting agreed not worth referring him for a assesment i got the impression (although no one wants to commit) it was not worth "labelling" him as no more local goverment of facilities available near us to help so not worth it, he is improving with schools help alone.  although no playground assistant as school so small 28 pupils andthis is one of his biggest problem areas.

I guess i am also scared to "label" my son and why give him that label if he will not get help,!  We live in a remote area in the highlands.

My husband is convinced he also has the condition,we have been together twenty five years,! no family live near, i have no close friends and the stress of dealing with them both is unbearable at times!

My son is happy and loving in our small family enviroment, dislikes change, getting things wrong, fussy eater, vert sensitive and bright but at school he barely speakes to his teachers seeks out friends at playtime but struggles to play unless on his terms and takes things literally, easily led.

Can i get any help for my son privatly without him being labelled?  I am not against the label but ifthere really is nothing more they can do what is the point?  and yet as i type that a big part of me feels i really need to know for me as long as it will not harm my son.

Sorry to go on, this site is my only means of getting it all off my chest and i think it shows!

Thank you

How confusing for you , you realy need some answers .If you meet with your gp and request a referal for diagnosis then that could start the ball rolling . There is a wonderful supportive organisation called parent partenership if you are not aware of them google to find your local one , they will give you advice and codes of practice for your child if they have any special educational need however big or small x We had to wait 4 months for r referal it was well worth it tho , if you have noticed any unusual behaviour in your child note them down an take notes .As this will help them get a bigger picture x After 8 months months my 4 year old son shuld be getting his full diagnosis this months but even at 1st visit with notes she said she was nintey percent sure of asd .I would say he is in the middle of the spectrum sumwere so it dosnt always mean you will have to wait years for answears .I have a full time ta for him in school and they have gotten lots of extra funding to help him since he started .I wish you good luck with your journey xx

hi Puffin - can understand your confusion.  If he isn't being assessed for autism, then please get him assessed. If he does get a diagnosis then ask for a statement of educational needs.  I don't think the school is on the ball here with their attitude to autism, however well-intentioned they may be.  I don't understand why they think there is no more they can do??  He cd have a 1-1 teaching assist't for example.  No, I don't think this is good enough.  Never mind what they're saying, his needs + getting the best start in life as early as poss is the way to go.  Good luck with everything.  It must be difficult to be in your present situation.