hi there, i am new xxx

 hi to everyone, i have been moved by the support and help you all give one another on here, i have just registered, and i hope you all dont mind if i join in.......its a bit of a relief really to chat to like-minded folk who know what you are feeling.......my 12 year old son is going through a diagnostic system at the moment, knowing he has always been a bit different,  and that he 'stands out' from the rest, as he is getting older, i am finding his behavoiour more of a challenge than ever, and though he has a heart the size of the world, he has been a challenge to bring up, very, very difficult sometimes.  I have been reading up about high functioning autism and aspergers, and the like, to help us understand a bit about his world, so we can understand him better.  And ironic as it may sound, that i think i have found 'myself'.   He has always reminded me of me in so many ways.  I have always felt different from the rest of the world, and the more i look into it, the more it is confirmed!!!  I have always felt like a jigsaw piece floatin around the place, looking for somewhere to fit in, but never have, theres always been some problem, socially, and whilst searching several websites, an autism awareness group use the jigsaw piece as an emblem! I remember thinking...'thats me'!!!  How do i feel about this? WHAT A RELIEF!!!  I am not on my own, theres a reason why i am me and do the things i do sometimes, theres a reason why i feel the way i do sometimes.........and its that 'reason' that one word that helps me get through some days, it makes me feel 'normal' in an 'abnormal' world!

Hi Firefly,

I have some probs with my pc and it crashed last night so trying again.

All the best with the statementing process. We have just been through this.

Its interesting to read your post. Your son's tantrums are so like my little boy's when he was younger. He has outgrown them, mostly! This is such a wide spectrum and yet there is much in common.

Re not telling your son, I agree sort of! But if it was me, I would not let that put me off explaining to other people. I think I would prepare a sort of 'layman's' explanation for if the situation arose. My boy is only 5 but I am already thinking about this.

Hope to speak soon. Love Rosemary xx

Hi All,

Just joining the newbie community. I have never done anything like this before, but it is so reassuring to hear that other people are experiencing the same issues.

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers in December, just weeks after his 7th birthday, after a traumatic year at school. I have worried about his tantrums and aggressive behaviour since he was 3 but it never occurred to me that it might be an ASD. No hand-flapping, just an infatuation with dinosaurs and animals an inability to lose at anything ( major tantrums if he couldn't co something correctly or lost a game ) and very aggressive tantrums requiring a long recovery period. Also a dislike of being touched /comforted during a tantrum.

The school suggested at the start of year 1 that we refer him and it has taken over a year to reach a clear diagnosis. When AS was first mentioned I knew very little about it but it terrified me. As advised by the paediatrician we went away and read all the usual books etc and realised that I wasn't just a bad mother who couldn't communicate with her son - which is how I felt a lot of the time - and, actually, my partner and I were doing a lot of the right things ( more by luck than design, it has to be said !).

He is my eldest son so I had no point of reference. His Dad and I split up when he was only a few months old, so I was a single mum for the first couple of years, and since reading the books his Dad and I actually agree that his dad was probably on the spectrum too.  I now have a new partner and a second son and when I watch him playing I realise just how different their imagination and social interaction is - it is almost comical they are so far apart.

The hardest part is dealing with the meltdowns. He is the most loving and affectionate little boy one minute and extremely intelligent, then a few mnutes later is tearing pictures off the walls and throwing books at my head telling me he hates me ! He hits, kicks and throws things. We haven't worked out all of the triggers yet and I suspect we never will - it is emotionally draining.

My partner is great with him ( has more patience than I do ! ) but we don't have any family support nearby so it can get pretty stressful when he is going through a bad patch. I am hoping that this community will give me a bit of perspective and stop me going insane !

We are just about to start the formal process of Statementing so I may be posting abeit more in the coming months.

In the meantoime, if anyone knows of a support group for parents in the Worcestershire area - formal or informal - please let me know. It would be so nice to meet other parents who are experiencing the same issues.

We haven't told my son about his condition because we were advised by the CCD team that it was best to wait until he was older. I have mixed feelings about this because it also means we cannot explain to other parents in case it gets back to him via the playground. He knows he is different because he has 1:1 support and is on a separte curriculum ..... he asked me last night why it was that he was "cleverer than the other children in his class".  Am thinking we may need to reconsider.

Kikyniky - I think he is in denial and this is wrapped up in not wanting to accept that our little boy has it too.

Puffin/Theresa - thanks for the info. Yes, that makes sense, in which case both my partner and our son would be Aspergers. Our son had no developmental dealy and was actually very precocious in his speech and other aspects. He smiled at 2weeks old [verified by H/V] and started rolling terrifyingly early. He was fully mobile by 4mnths as he used to look to where he wanted to be and just roll to get there. Started rolling at 11wks and just honed the skill!

Our SEN at school told me that Aspergers is going to become under the same umbrella, too.

Its great to read your posts ladies. In the nicest possible way, its good to know I am not alone. Our little boy is doing really well at school, after awful problems when he was a toddler. It remains to be seen how he will do academically as he is very bright, but has sensory impairment which causes attention deficit.

I have to tackle my partner now though, as the way his condition manifests itself is having a very severe affect on my life and I cannot live with it long-term. I have been shelving it whilst I got my son settled, as I could not tackle both together. I think this is goingt to be harder, as he becomes hostile and aggressive when certain issues are raised.

Puffin - I forgot to say - my partner has a habit of rocking sideways at mealtimes. Fortunately not at every meal or I might have to kill him [ha ha!], but it is very distracting for the rest of us. He is also bordering on food aversion, whereas our little boy is the other end of the scale and loves his food.

Love to all, Rosemary xxx

Rosemary i Forgot to mention as far as i know yes aspies can rock or hand flap to sooth themselves when stressed, no diff if high functioning or aspies i think it is called stimming i have not got my books to hand?!

No mary my son does not have a statement as yet he does not need one and would be very embarrased to have a one to one helper he is very self concious anddoes not like to stand out.  I think i should tell people though even though he has not yet been officially dignosed.  I may try and push for a playground assistant though.

I feel my sons school is great as so small and few children that is good forEAI BUT health and safety is non existant at times a recent walk to school week was a nightmare, i did talk to the head teacher but i feel i am the only one that speaks up and may just look like a trouble maker.  As i have to keep good communication with the schools for Geai i do not want it to get awkward.

My son is home, must go, i love the weekends knowing Geai is safe and stress free at home, and the evening glass of wine of course!

Have a good weekend.

Theresa

The difference between HFA and Aspergers is an interesting topic. Many really 'high functioning' people are diagnosed  with HFA, when you would think they would be aspergers!.  Some people speak late, but this surely does not mean they necessarily are less aspergers than someone who speaks on time. I know a guy with very high functioning aspergers who did not speak until he was 5. He is 'more' high-functioning, if anything, than I am. I also have Aspergers, but spoke on time. He has a job, can drive, has friends - I don't have these things. He is certainly no less high-functioning than I am. My Mum did not speak till she was 3, and she is not autistic at all!. I think it is all quite subjective. Some doctors prefer the term HFA, while others prefer the term Aspergers.

Hi there, regards you question what is the difference between Aspergers and high functioning autism,

From what i have read signs and symptoms are similar if not identical, the difference being if there was a significant delay in developemental milestones with regards speach or motor delays walking sitting up etc, they may call it high functioning autism.  but if the child showed no unusual delay in the usual developmental milestones in the first few years they call it Aspergers.

The problem being some parents cannot remember that far back!  if your child is being diagnosed later in life or seeking diagnosis as an adult remembering when two sylabal words were spoken let alone whe you took your first steps?!  also some doctors disagree they are two diff syndromes.

i think they are getting rid of the term Aspergers shortly soon it will just be Autism spectrum disorder.

hope this helps

Theresa

Hi Puffin

I think the more people who know about the Aspergers the better - although its difficult when you don't actually have the official diagnosis isnt it!  We are mid way through (my son is 13).  I so wish we had known when he was little, it would have made things that much easier instead of him discovering it all together with puberty, and it causing him a deep depression that requires medication and therapy.  If people know and understand they can then see that your child is not ill or naughty but that they simply have a disability.  If a child was blind or in a wheelchair people can see they have a disability but our Aspies are also kids with a disability, its just that you can't see it.  I think if they can understand that they are different (but also very very special) when they are little, then perhaps it will be easier than finding out later and having a hard time coming to terms with it.

If you know when they are little you can get proper help put in place at school - do you have a statement of special needs - this is really worthwhile as your son will then get extra paid for support in the classroom - this takes time to get (26 weeks minimum and thats if there are not objections!).  I work in an infant school and there are two autistic boys there who have one to one helpers all day now they have their statement and it makse SO much difference.

My sons stress and anxiety all came from school (and the resulting depression) if only we had known when he was younger we could have had the right education/school for him and he would have been saved so much heartache.  The big pressure point seems to be starting at secondary and a lot of kids are not diagnosed until then.

Sorry - just realised I am rambling on and on!  On the subject of the sledging I think you are right - not safe!!  Perhaps a quiet word in the head teachers ear might help?

Take care - its Friday - make it a large glass of wine tonight!!

Mary R

HI All, 

With regards my husband of now 25years!!  he is fine with the fact he probably has mild Aspergers, it explains where our son Geai gets it from, and explains alot of my husbands behaviour, he has never been a mixer, although in a comfortable setting he can be fine . we have always lived in really remote areas and both have a nature.  He has a degree is knowledgable but struggles with big groups is extremley stuborn, set in his way s and views, very protective of his family, but he can be hard work and gets depressed vey easily.  He has not offically been diagnosed i doubt he would do that.  Things have got worse between us since our son Geai has been suspected of Aspergers my husband is of the attitude we are all different why make such a big thing of it!  He also to date has not attempted to read any of the books he gets all the info he needs second hand from me, he finds the books too depressing!!   Things are so tough on and off of late we have talked of seperating but do not know what that would do to our son who adores his dad.  My husband will sit back and give our son alot of one to one, football  etc but at times my husbands stubborn approach to my sons eating habits and behaviour sometimes makes matters worse, my husband is always right and on the odd occasion he says he is wrong he would still go and do that thing again a few days later, disagreements are always about how to deal with Geai!

My son did start some rocking in class a few months ago but as far as i am aware it has now stopped, his teacher at that time was preparing to leave on maternity leave and he was a bit stressed, never any sign at home, once or twice when we have met his friends outside school, i was advised if it persisted lead him away from that situation that is making him stressed.

Geai came home in tears yesterday as a mother had told him off in the school playground for not sharing the school sledge, he told me the child who spoke to the mother did not ask to use the sledge so he did not know he wanted a go?!  Geai has a half an hour after school were he waits for the school bus to bring him home this was when it occured more often or not he is unsupervised along with five other children at that time.  i was furious he has never come home in tears before.  FIRSTLY CANNOT WAIT FOR THE SNOW TO MELT AS THE un structured kids on sledges in the playground scares me , he came home with a cut chin two days ago after some one pushed him off the sledge from behind! and two made my mind up i should probably tell all parents at school to avoid this scenario in the future. i am so mad with the school for allowing unsupervised sledging it is not afe and Geai has come home soaked but i worry if i cause too much hastle relations will be difficult esp with it being a small school only two teachers and a  shared head teacher.  Also part of me is sared forGEAI THE OTHER PART DOES NOT WANT TO ruin the fact that he is trying to join in with the other kids if i interfere i could wreck that?!

I am jabbering on this morning ladies sorry! i warned you i have no one else to share my problems with so you get to hear it all.

I have been getting mail alerts my the way.

Should we not move to the general chat section?

we r the auties said:

Crikey! There are a few of us now, aren't there??

I am not getting the notifications by email when people post, are you getting them, ladies? 

We are awaiting our son to be assessed but all the professionals involved think he will get a positive diagnosis for autism. Yesterday, 1 professional told me that it was a 'dead cert'. I had a complete melt-down and she thought it was because I had to come to terms with the condition in my son, but it wasn't - it was because I suddenly realised that I had to come to terms with my partner having it too. I am finding that much harder. I am used to sorting things out and getting things done, but I am at a loss here. How can I sort out my relationship when my partner is not N/T [neuro typical] and does not respond to the usual tactics and rationale???

Puffin - it sounds like we are in quite a similar situation. Do you happen to know how professionals make a decision whether it is aspergers or high function autism, because I am completely confused!!! There seems to be little agreement and much in common. When I read about aspergers, it describes my partner. But I think my little boy is much more high-function than aspergers. Does anyone know - do/can aspies hand-flap as my little boy does. It was the 1st thing that alerted me to his condition.

I am the opposite to you as I have told everyone about my son's condition! My reasoning is that I would rather people knew he was on the AS than think of him as naughty. This is what was happening at nursery and it was hard. I'm pleased to say that since then, other mummies have been really lovely by and large. Interested, concerned, friendly and inclusive. This has been a massive relief to me.

Hoping to speak to other ladies on this thread soon, but run out of wind now!

Love Rosemary xx

 

 

Hi, 

My daughter is coming up to 6 and was diagnosed autistic in september. We have also noticed my husband has a lot of the traits. How has your husband responded to the fact he may also have it?  I also feel the need to tell everyone as I wouldnt want anyone to think shes not the amazing and lovely little girl she is. I have had good reactions from other mums and my younger daughters pre school teacher has been a fantastic support and even attended a talk with me. Emylee even gets invites to partys and the mums always say that they are happy for me to leave her and make such an effort to communicate with her. Emylee used to flap her hands/lower arms a lot which like you made us more aware of her condition. It was mostly when she was nervous and eventually it turned to clicking fingers. I was told at a talk that a autistic lady did it and when someone eventually asked her why she said it was because she would worry where her arms were as she hadnt used them for a while. Im not sure if this is the case for all though. 

Take care

Crikey! There are a few of us now, aren't there??

I am not getting the notifications by email when people post, are you getting them, ladies? 

We are awaiting our son to be assessed but all the professionals involved think he will get a positive diagnosis for autism. Yesterday, 1 professional told me that it was a 'dead cert'. I had a complete melt-down and she thought it was because I had to come to terms with the condition in my son, but it wasn't - it was because I suddenly realised that I had to come to terms with my partner having it too. I am finding that much harder. I am used to sorting things out and getting things done, but I am at a loss here. How can I sort out my relationship when my partner is not N/T [neuro typical] and does not respond to the usual tactics and rationale???

Puffin - it sounds like we are in quite a similar situation. Do you happen to know how professionals make a decision whether it is aspergers or high function autism, because I am completely confused!!! There seems to be little agreement and much in common. When I read about aspergers, it describes my partner. But I think my little boy is much more high-function than aspergers. Does anyone know - do/can aspies hand-flap as my little boy does. It was the 1st thing that alerted me to his condition.

I am the opposite to you as I have told everyone about my son's condition! My reasoning is that I would rather people knew he was on the AS than think of him as naughty. This is what was happening at nursery and it was hard. I'm pleased to say that since then, other mummies have been really lovely by and large. Interested, concerned, friendly and inclusive. This has been a massive relief to me.

Hoping to speak to other ladies on this thread soon, but run out of wind now!

Love Rosemary xx

Hy I'm Sarah 22 year old mum ive just had my 4 year old son diagnosed with autism. It was quite a shock to me he doesn't have behaviour problemheists mostly his interaction with other units understanding understanding off things. It would be nice to talk to people  and get support from other parents as I am all new to this and want to try help and support my little boy as much as I can be nice to hear from you all :) 

Hi all, doesn,t it make you feel a bit better already knowing you are not alone , it does me!  My son is six and although not yet diagnosed shows definate signs of Aspergers.  it was a great shock to me when the school first told me this time last year, i have highs and lows, one minute i am certain they are all wrong (self denial), then i can see it all clearly, all the signs.  My husband and i have been together for a very long time, only recently after reading all the books ( as you do), do we realise my husband has mild Aspergers also, explaining alot of the problems now occuring in our relationship!  so i have two big kids with Aspies, my son and my husband!   i am working hard at understanding all there is to know about Aspergers so i can help my son as much as possible, i love him so much and feel so sad for the problems he will encounter on growing up i am dertermined to make it as stress free as possible for him.  I have no close friends as we live in a small community in the Highlands and have not been here that long, no family near by so this is my only way of venting my concerns and feelings, being able to chat to others going through the same thing is really helpfull especially as so far i have made the decesion to tell no one else (except teachers of course) for fear of alienating my son, by way of other peoples lack of understanding.   some kids in the playground already call him weird makes my heart break when he tells me this as he trys so hard to fit in, but does not always fully understand what is going on.  we are our childrens best friends and best hope of a happy future, i only hope i can be strong enough.   A  glass of wine in the evening helps!  

Please may I hop on board with you all?

I have a 5yr old son who has recently been givem a statement of SEN and I am advised that he will definitely receive a positive diagnosis for autism. We are on the waiting list for assessment.

I am going through hard times, as I have realised that my partner [the father of my son] is also on the AS spectrum and explains the difficulties in our relationship.

Rosemary x

Hello Alli

My son now 13 is undergoing diagnosis, we think its Aspergers or high functioning autism.  He is being treated for depression with medication and counselling at camhs and is at a special school for children unable to attend mainstream due to medical reasons (he could not cope at his mainstream secondary which is where the problems first became apparent)

I am very interested in your comment about the carers trust - we feel that our son needs some specialist ASD help and training (as do we!) but we are not being offered anything so I have decided to go all out and try and find out for myself!

Would love to hear about your experiences

thanks!

my son elevern and being asessed we had verble asesment waitin for the rest they told me to look on here .hope your day going well. we been told he got aspergers

Hi there all

Welcome, I'm new too 

I've not done anything like this before but hoping to gain some online support for when you feel like your tearing your hair out.

My daughter is 5 and has not got a diagnosis yet (has a statement) but clearly shows signs of autism.

Would love to chat swap stories/advice etc.

Tracy

Hi Makayla, it does come as quite a shock. I've been in touch with the carers trust and I've found them very helpful. I've been allocated a support worker and am going to attend a support meeting with them. They have also invited me to do some training. It's still early days but I feel so much better already knowing I have support out there but not alone. Allison x

My son is 10 years old and was only diagnosed with ASD last week. Although we have had lots of problems with his behaviour throughout his life, I never dreamed he could be autistic until a GP at our practice suggested it and referred us. in one way I'm concerned about it but at the same time I feel a sense of relief that I'm not the terrible parent everyone thought I was and I hope we will now get the help we need. Would be good to speak to others in a similar position xx

Hi Sam, I'm Allison and I'm new too :-). My 12 year old has recently been diagnosis autistic. I registered to meet and chat to like minded mums and dads and to learn how to support him best. It will be nice to chat x x