Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone I have a question to ask as me and my wife are finding my daughters behaviour quite hardwork at the moment.
She is 5 years old and we both kind of suspect she may have a similar ASC to myself (Aspergers).Although the only thing that puts us off finding out is that she's managing well at school but the minutes she's out she is very hardwork with regards to being angry at certain times and even pushing, hitting or saying not very pleasant things.
She seems shy around other adults she doesn't know but is quite good with other children but can become obsessive with them for example follow them everywhere or demand hugs and then get angry if she doesn't get them.
I noticed she crosses her fingers tight when she is feeling nervous around people and liked to spin on our old stools in the dining room when she was younger she lines her dolls up along the wall but instead of role playing talks to her dolls like what she has experienced through the day rather than made up play.
She is constantly on her i-pad and when we try asking her to come off she kicks and screams. If we go in a shop now its getting to the point where its a little embarrassing with regards to the bad behaviour like meltdown if she cannot have what she wants even though my wife is very good at being diplomatic.
My question is should we maybe ask for a referral to find out if she is like me or leave it as she is doing well at school? Has anyone else experienced similarities with their child?
Hi, this sounds very similar to my son. He's now 18, and was diagnosed with ASC aged 12. I wished I'd known certain things back then about his anger and meltdowns.
Being well behaved at school and suddenly exploding at home is so common with ASC. It means you have a secure home where she feels able to let go of the huge build up of stress that school causes -- the noise, constant change, crowds etc.
It lessens if there is a reduction in the environment that causes her stress. Whether this is ASC or not, I don't know, but it sounds close enough to try, and then perhaps to get a referral. Especially if there is no other cause, like being bullied etc.
Although ASC diagnoses can take years, you can ask the school to 'treat as Asperger's' because you don't need a diagnosis for them to be obliged under legislation to make reasonable adjustments, eg, a discreet way she can go to a quiet room now and then, and maybe a 'debrief' at the end of each school day so she can say what's gone well, and what caused unhappiness or stress. Hopefully there will be a friendly Senco at the school to help you.
One other thing: about the anger and bad behaviour in shops or elsewhere. I've come to understand that for a child with ASC a meltdown, tantrum or anger is often a panic attack in disguise. Treat it exactly the same way, that she is suddenly fearful of something terrible. It sounds counterintuitive but I have heard so many people agree with this approach. So when my son would eff and blind in a shop (he was 12) and get tense and angry, I knew he was entering a panic attack. We'd go outside and hold him close, reassure, soothe and help, but it used to get very disapproving looks from other parents who didn't know his diagnosis.
I really hope things get better. Not sure I've helped but hopefully just sharing what I wished I'd known might.