Im new here I'm an adult and was diagnosed recently in 2010.

explorer said:

I hope it's understood that my quote "Aspies look OK, sound OK so we must be OK. No need of support then" was not what I think, but the message we are getting by people who don't take the trouble to learn about AS.

It is as if we are being penalised for our ability to "camouflage", as Hohner so rightly puts it. The better we do it, the less support services seem to think we need, but fitting in is extremely stressful and often leads to high levels of anxiety & depression.

If we behave naturally, we are vulnerable to bullying and abuse, but if we "act normal" we suffer inside. It really makes the argument for raising public awareness about adult autism, so we can be ourselves AND be accepted. We have to tolerate people without autism and we do it well enough for them not to believe we have problems. Is it too much to expect them to be more accepting of us?

yip, thats exactly what i have noticed with my partner and it was obvious very early on that even people who say 'oh i know what autism is, i understand' they really have no frigging clue, they dont get that its a lot more than 'socially awkward and odd' and just how damaging it is for someone with autism to 'act normal'

even im still surprised by my partners ability to 'act normal' but then be autistic at home or do/say something that just shows hes not 'normal' in the way he acts

i have to say on our behalf tho, us nts are easily fooled, so we believe the act very easily , have you not noticed that   haha

hohner said:

Doc, Hope, Explorer, thankyou for your posts,, it is good to know I am not alone. Aspergers is a civilised condition, which may be part of the long-term issue.(I wish I have aggression, society seems set up of it). How do we express that we are not coping inside to the world. Since day one of my birth. Any thoughts ? Does the NAS understand the true reality of our condition ?

its a rubbish situation but no, i doubt that many understand the reality of it, even those of us who live with autistics dont really understand the reality of what YOU as autistics go through, im always learning new (not always positive) things my partner is experiencing

how do you express it, i suppose the only way you can, however that is, if its what you have to do you do it, cry, scream, punch a wall, whatever it is, if thats how you cope, then you just have to get it out and do it, so you can try to think clearly and move on and find solutions,  my partner always thinks more clearly after he lets things out but the letting it out isnt always pretty for me to experience, but its just life.

does nas understand, i dont know i dont think anyone here can speak for nas except nas , but i dont see how us nts will ever be able to understand what its like in your head and life or how you feel etc, but we try 

dochalliday said:

Hi everyone. im an adult recently diagnosed with aspergers in 2010. to be honest most of the help out there is geared towards children and parents of those with autism.  My experience is most services people and charities dont know how to help adults with aspergers syndrome or symply dont care and say they should figure it all out themselves. I personally think thats a bit of a cop out.  Anyway im here to make freinds i hope you all are having a good christmas period.

hey dochalliday, i said this exact same thing very early on when i joined this site, the help out there is designed mainly for children/parents, not adults/familes/partners with autism in their life

its a sad truth but many still seem to believe autism somehow 'goes away' when you get older, or maybe they just think adult autistics can live with it on their own because they are now adults, who knows, all we know is it means those of us who need help cant get it and that is a very stressful life sometimes

you are right it is a cop out, soceity right now especially has a lot less care for others  as it seems 'too much work' and of course  'too much money' to help other people

all i can say is, we are here if you need to talk/whinge whatever 

and same to yourself 

Having also been recently diagnosed in my 50s, I am fortunate in that I have already acquired a successful portfolio of coping mechanisms and arguably I probably hide many of my symptoms through an altered (NT) ego, however when I get tired many my ‘odd’ characteristics start to creep out!

 When I was initially diagnosed, I also felt that I had been cast adrift without any support; however I was more concerned about wife who was in a state of shock.  We eventually got through this hiatus together through background reading into aspergers and we also helped by clerical friend who helped us to clarify this situation.

Looking outwards from an ASPI point of view, because of the broad spectrum of condition, I can quite understand why it is difficult for others to understand what our specific special needs are.  You only have to read Tony Attwood’s Complete Guide to see how complex our community is!

Going forward I strongly feel that we as a community should be taking on some this opportunity ourselves.

hohner said:

Does the NAS understand the true reality of our condition ?

It doesn't appear to.

Or, at least, if it does, it doesn't appear to want/have the resources to do much to help us.

Doc, Hope, Explorer, thankyou for your posts,, it is good to know I am not alone. Aspergers is a civilised condition, which may be part of the long-term issue.(I wish I have aggression, society seems set up of it). How do we express that we are not coping inside to the world. Since day one of my birth. Any thoughts ? Does the NAS understand the true reality of our condition ?

I hope it's understood that my quote "Aspies look OK, sound OK so we must be OK. No need of support then" was not what I think, but the message we are getting by people who don't take the trouble to learn about AS.

It is as if we are being penalised for our ability to "camouflage", as Hohner so rightly puts it. The better we do it, the less support services seem to think we need, but fitting in is extremely stressful and often leads to high levels of anxiety & depression.

If we behave naturally, we are vulnerable to bullying and abuse, but if we "act normal" we suffer inside. It really makes the argument for raising public awareness about adult autism, so we can be ourselves AND be accepted. We have to tolerate people without autism and we do it well enough for them not to believe we have problems. Is it too much to expect them to be more accepting of us?

Hohner, this is spot on. I have EXTREME anxiety, day in day out: OCD, hypochondria, stressed by outside stimuli like cars and people, fear of losing control, anxiety around organization, endless phobias..... I look like I am coping because I don't tend to make a fuss, keep my mouth shut because I don't like confrontation, and I mask my Aspergers by feigning 'normality': I repress what is going on inside and only let a very few people enter my world.

quote "Aspies look OK, sound OK so we must be OK. No need of support then"

YOU SAY IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the number one truth of the condition of Aspergers, or as my doctor put it,, you are a very intelligent guy, you will cope okay !

So unless you are in a wheelchair, are some psychotic nutter causing social trouble, a person dripping at the mouth or knocking your head off a wall, you have no difficults really.

Bullshit, I am an anxiety cripple, with OCD, with social fear and phobias you can not count on two hands, with sensory overload and sensitive, try living day in, day out like this, so environmentally sensitive that I have now become chronic in autism behaviour.    

I agree that there is not enough support or recognition of adults across the country. Aspies look OK, sound OK so we must be OK. No need of support then.

My local support group runs a "social" evening once a month for adults. It's fine, if you like going 10 pin bowling with a load of 20-30 yr olds and a minder. I've rarely felt so patronised as when the 25 year old organiser started yakking on brightly about what fun we would have on our outings. I asked her what they had planned for middle aged women and her smile froze. I got the impression I should have been grateful for the chance to be included with the young people.

The NAS is beginning to get to grips centrally, with the Autism in Maturity project. There are pages on the website. But there's a long way to go and it still doesn't solve the problem of what happens in local areas.

Welcome Doc  I agree with you, went to the local council team for assistance and was told the same. In a way,, mild autism(Aspergers) can be management with the right support package. The downside or upside depending which way you look at it,, is just because Aspergers has a higher intelligence side(but not the coping side), sometimes even more than the normal drones. It can be seen to the outside world that you are coping better than you are, the classic camouflage syndrome of Aspergers, which doctors etc need to know exists. I would even go as far to say,, the NAS ignores this too,, it is easier to treat the children under policy structure and easier to administer shut up drugs too and therefore MEET THE TARGETS.