Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I’m Morse and I want to reach out for help or support if you can offer any for the problems I’m facing.
I’m dealing with so much in my life at the moment it’s overwhelming me and causing so much mental problems. I’ve been struggling to get a job for five years and am still unemployed, no one is hiring me because of the autism I’m pretty sure. I still living at home and I’m 23. Have no friends or relationships and I am basically useless. Can’t cook for myself, I rarely go out now and I am becoming depressed. I feel suicidal on and off and despite calling the doctors now several times no one is listening to me. It’s like being the only person alive half the time. To be honest I feel like I am going crazy. Mentally I feel like my brain is starting to collapse on itself. I feel unsafe all the time. I’m anxious and nervous. And my personality keeps shifting and there’s voices which can be unsettling especially as one often says things would be better if I killed myself, which is tempting me. The suicidal thoughts are with me a lot at the moment and I don’t know how to settle them. I’ve thought of calling doctors again but now I feel like they might try and send me to an institute or something because sometimes I feel like I might be a danger to others as well as myself so it’s hard to know what to do for the best.
I’m just worried that I am going to fall into a break down which I’ll never return from. That happened to my little sister, she never recovered and now no one talks about her. I don’t want to end up like that.
Autism sucks. I’m unable to express all this to my parents, doubt they would understand anyway.
Any advice guys?
Yours,
Morse.
Hello Morse, nice to meet you, there's no reason to go with these feeling of being unsafe. They don't matter. You have your parents, that's an important relationship. You could consider showing this message to your parents, it's rather clear, you know.
I hope here you'll find some real people with real opinions that count. Most people here have some issues they're wrestling with, you're not alone, that's usually a very big deal, you're part of a club now, welcome!
I was also once a bit too close to suicide, I was not focusing very well at work after my mother had an epileptic seizure. I answered a mail, in a way that a guy didn't like too much, so he told me off, put me in my place like a child, while he was 10 years younger than I. I almost killed myself that day, but some people helped me back up, talked to me, made it clear it was scary to them that I would bail out, and I recovered... and now when I think back I think it's funny how I was so low then.
No matter how slow your pace is, you can do things if you manage to get your focus. And practice improves this speed.