Breaking down

Hi I’m Morse and I want to reach out for help or support if you can offer any for the problems I’m facing.

I’m dealing with so much in my life at the moment it’s overwhelming me and causing so much mental problems. I’ve been struggling to get a job for five years and am still unemployed, no one is hiring me because of the autism I’m pretty sure. I still living at home and I’m 23. Have no friends or relationships and I am basically useless. Can’t cook for myself, I rarely go out now and I am becoming depressed. I feel suicidal on and off and despite calling the doctors now several times no one is listening to me. It’s like being the only person alive half the time. To be honest I feel like I am going crazy. Mentally I feel like my brain is starting to collapse on itself. I feel unsafe all the time. I’m anxious and nervous. And my personality keeps shifting and there’s voices which can be unsettling especially as one often says things would be better if I killed myself, which is tempting me. The suicidal thoughts are with me a lot at the moment and I don’t know how to settle them. I’ve thought of calling doctors again but now I feel like they might try and send me to an institute or something because sometimes I feel like I might be a danger to others as well as myself so it’s hard to know what to do for the best.

I’m just worried that I am going to fall into a break down which I’ll never return from. That happened to my little sister, she never recovered and now no one talks about her. I don’t want to end up like that.

Autism sucks. I’m unable to express all this to my parents, doubt they would understand anyway.

Any advice guys?

Yours,

Morse.

  • Hi Morse

    A bit about me: I have bipolar disorder. I've had three mental breakdowns and I've also been sectioned.

    A lot of people have suicidal feelings, and they don't have enough beds for everyone who is suicidal, so they'll only section you if you're an immediate danger to yourself or to others, i.e., if they caught you in the act of potentially doing something dangerous to yourself or to others. And even then, being sectioned is not the end of the world. It's not a punishment. You'd be taken to a safe place, most likely for just a little while, where there's nothing for you to hurt yourself with. Yes, you'd be surrounded with very unwell people, but psych wards are well staffed, and, if you wanted, you could just keep yourself to yourself. Being sectioned was one of the best things that happened to me. It provided me with the structure I needed to kick-start my recovery and healing.

    I'm sorry for what happened to your little sister, but, if it's any consolation, from my experience, i've always recovered from my mental breakdowns. It takes about a year to recover, but I always go back to being me again.

    I think it's worth you having an open, frank discussion with your GP. Maybe write down exactly how you're feeling so that you don't forget any details or don't (heaven forbid) get dismissed by them when you go to see them. They might suggest talking therapy (so that your perspective about you and your situation changes) or medication (nothing to be afraid of: you would take medication for a physical health problem, so why not for a mental health problem).

    Please feel free to ask me to clarify anything

  • Hello Morse,

    I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP (as suggested by another user) and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.

    If it’s outside your GP hours call  111  to reach the NHS 111 service:   http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.

    Best wishes,

    Karin Mod

  • go find/visit your little sister

  • Hello Morse, nice to meet you, there's no reason to go with these feeling of being unsafe. They don't matter. You have your parents, that's an important relationship. You could consider showing this message to your parents, it's rather clear, you know. 

    I hope here you'll find some real people with real opinions that count. Most people here have some issues they're wrestling with, you're not alone, that's usually a very big deal, you're part of a club now, welcome!

    I was also once a bit too close to suicide, I was not focusing very well at work after my mother had an epileptic seizure. I answered a mail, in a way that a guy didn't like too much, so he told me off, put me in my place like a child, while he was 10 years younger than I. I almost killed myself that day, but some people helped me back up, talked to me, made it clear it was scary to them that I would bail out, and I recovered... and now when I think back I think it's funny how I was so low then. 

    No matter how slow your pace is, you can do things if you manage to get your focus. And practice improves this speed.