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New to the NAS and new to the forum and ANXIOUS!

Cross Stitcher

Hi.  I am 42 and live with my husband and 16 year old daughter.  She is about to be assessed for Asperger syndrome, and I wish I could go through her experience for her.  Everyone expects and wants their children to be normal, but what is 'normal' exactly???!  I have known that since she could walk, that my daughter would have a strong mind of her own!  I said she will be running a school - my dad disagreed and said she would be running the country!!  To us, our daughter is who she is - we have accepted her as 'her', and she is different.  She is beautiful, a pleasure to take shopping (her favourite pastime!!), very talented, very clever, and she will do things in her own time and in her own way.  To others it is frustrating, but we have lived with it for the last 16 years, and to us it is normal.  All her mannerisms and OCD-like behaviour is endearing and we love her to bits.  This is the thing I regret most.  I should have taken notice of it and got it investigated, because now she is in her last GCSE year and is feeling very low and depressed and she hates being like it.  She is frustrated and is very negative about herself and her feelings.  I feel so guilty that I have failed her, and that if I had listened and taken notice of her more she would have been diagnosed earlier and got the help and support she needed before now.

I am glad I have found this website.  I am keen to share my experience with others.

Wink

  • Thank you Hope - That is really reassuring to know!  The Child Psychiatrist said that the degree of Asperger's that she thinks she has is quite difficult to diagnose in girls, and that is why she has got this far without it getting picked up.

    Thank you for your help!

    Smile

  • Please don't feel guilty.  It is really good that your daughter is being diagnosed now, before she considers higher education or a  possible career path. I did not get diagnosed until I had finished University, and my problems  (OCD/anxiety) had escalated by this point. By getting diagnosed now, your daughter should be able to access support, which should help her with whatever she decides to do.

  • Thank you for your reply.  I know I should stop beating myself up and focus on what's important. 

    I am unsure how she feels about the assessment.  Whenever I bring the subject up with her she just shrugs her shoulders and her expression is unreadable, which is fairly typical for her.  When we were first told it might be autism she went beserk and said 'I AM NOT AUTISTIC MUM!!'.  Thankfully I work in a particular area of the NHS and I know a bit about ASD, and was able to explain it better in layman's terms.  Now she has accepted it, but she takes it very literal, which again is typical for her.  She is convinced now that she has Asperger's, despite still waiting for it to be confirmed, but now thankfully she has removed the labels 'depressed' and 'OCD'!  I just hope I haven't opened a can of worms by pushing for the assessment - we just want to provide the help and support she needs to get through school, finish her GCSEs, complete her A levels, and to have a better understanding of herself.  She is a very bright girl with a lot of insight into her problems, and is aware of what we are trying to do for her.

    I am sure it will all come right in the end!!

  • hi - your love shines thru for your daughter.  We all feel guilty at times.  I can think of a number of things along the way that I cd have done better, but didn't.  I know there have been times I've unwittingly let my son down.  The thing is we learn as we go along because we're only human + humans make mistakes sometimes.  By rectifying something we move on + hopefully make things better.  There are a number of adults on the site who have been or are in the process of being assessed so it's worth reading their posts.  An assessment can clarify things for the person assessed + their family, I understand.  How does she feel about the assessment?