Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi we are new to this we have a 10 year old who was diagnosed with autism 2 years ago, we received the diagnosis and that has been all, we are pulling our hair out as we don't know what to do for the best. Our daughter has been very good at masking things and it was a struggle to get people to take us serious as she didn't display obvious signs in school but we could see it at home. She is very shy does not like public places, struggles to make friends and prefers to just be on her computer. It seems to us that as she is getting older she seems to be getting younger has anyone else experienc this? She is due to go to secondary school in Sept and we are terrified for her as the last year has been extremely difficult for her she continuely thinks nobody likes her and she has no friends s is very withdrawn and overly clingy(maybe not the right word)to us, this is heartbreaking to watch. As a family we feel lost and frustrated and don't know how to help. We would appreciate if anyone can share there experiences with us many thanks
Hey Adirish74, firstly welcome to the community!
What you are explaining is completely normal. People with Autism do not like to go to places that we are unfamiliar with as it makes us anxious, scared and we have a chance of shutting down and having a panic attack (yes, I am Autistic myself). Being on the computer is her way to cope with what has been happening during the day, I myself do it as it is part of a structure of sorts. Watch what she does on the computer as it might give you a hint as to what she likes the most as it will help you down the line, for example if you see her looking at art and drawing in a book then she likes doing art. Find her strengths and help her improve them.
Making friends is hard because we do not know how to talk to most people. We think "How will they reply? Will they like me? What happens if I embarrass myself?" and we go into Fight or Flight mode, mostly resorting to flight as it is easier for us to do. It will take time, but eventually she will grow out of it. I have said this to a lot of my friends who have Autistic kids themselves, positive reinforcement helps with those social anxieties. If you talk with her about whatever she likes (a example was mentioned above) she will start to become more open and able to talk to others.
For new places, if you show her some examples of the place you are going to, such as a park, before going to it it will help with anxiety and stress as it has us learn of the environment that we will be going to. The biggest problem for new places though is the social anxieties as we don't know if we will need to talk to people, but showing pictures of the area does help a lot (I still need visual queues for new areas to keep my anxiety down).
Here's a few pointers for helping with anxiety, finding your childs strength and helping her to improve her social anxieties:
I hope I have helped you at least a bit.
-KB
Hi KB thank you so so much for trying to help us I really appreciate it.. We have tried most of what you have suggested as we have been livinv with this from she was born and have learnt ourselves to adapt to certain situations..but will def try some of the things you have told me about and hopefully they help..its just heartbreaking to watch..i can't imagine what you go thro on a daily basis but you are so brave in knowing what you have to do to make yourself comfortable with you.. I hope that the future is good for you and thank you so so much again for helping
Hey Adirish74, thank you for the warm compliments. It can be heartbreaking, but it can also be great in some aspects. Going through the day is tough for everyone, which is why I suggested those points above. I'm not as brave as you would believe, I have social anxieties myself and with Selective Mutism with it as well it I feel more cowardly then brave. I hope the future is good for you as well, I am always happy to help people who struggle in any way with helping their own family or friends with Autism and help promote understanding as well.