Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone!
I'm a gay man who's partner of just over ten years has been officially diagnosed earlier this year. This has mostly come as great relief, as it explains so many of the issues we've both been becoming increasingly aware of during our time together.
However, I must admit that I'm often struggling to know how to deal with challenging situations. In particular, there are major communication issues that regularly cause problems - often we may as well be speaking completely different languages. It gets emotionally draining and I really feel like I need help, or at least to be able to talk with other people in the same kind of situation.
Hi ScreamingOnTheInside. I agree with Mymble - it's great that you're continuing to work on the relationship, and I hope things get easier. Yes, a support group in your local area could be helpful for you.
The book that Deepthought linked looks interesting. From having a quick look at it, I think pages 306-311 could help you.
I'm a neurotypical woman in a relationship (for just over ten years, strangely enough) with a man who has just been diagnosed with high-functioning autism. I realise that a male perspective might be more helpful for you. Still, I hope that I might be able to help you anyway by sharing some communication tips that I have learned over the years with my partner.
It can feel unnatural and exhausting to take these steps. I'm no expert, and am in the process of learning these things myself. I understand why you feel emotionally drained.
There are also great things about communicating with an autistic person - I never have to wonder "What does he really mean?" /"Is he lying to me to avoid hurting my feelings?"/ "Is he cheating on me?" I find it refreshing to come home to my partner and to know that he is always honest, loyal, and puts me first over everything. His deadpan humour makes me laugh every day, and he's great with his hands. He's a wonderful partner.
If you would like to be more specific about the communication issues that you are having, I would be interested to hear about it and would like to try to help.