Published on 12, July, 2020
I dont know where to turn but i'll try here and hope you guys can help me. Sorry for my bad spelling.
I am a stepmother to wonderful little girl, she is 2.5 year old and I have known her since she was less than 1 year old. I live with her dad and she has no contact with her mom. Her mom is struggeling with mental illness and ate a lot of pills and used alcohol and nicotine during the pregnancy.
She is still not talking, when she turned two she could name her dad and the cat but it has gone away. She has her own words for things and do not copy us when we try to tell her what things are called. But she can copy the sound of some words but its just like an echo.
She really wants to communicate and often leads us to the things she wants and screams at us if we dont do as she wants or she just make sounds, often the same sounds over and over again. She tries to talk with other kids and people and seems to be lonley when nobody understands. There is a lot of frustration, she has meltdowns multiple times per hour some days and just lays on the floor crying or shaking and bangig her head or bites herself in the arms. She is obsessing over thing and can repeat the same routine over and over, brushing her teeth for an hour or cleaning the floor at the same spot but has no interest in toys. She just hold things and move them around the house all day. And we must always watch her at The park or the beach, she jumps right i to The deepest water och jump from high things over and over again.
Something is diffrent with her and she seems to notice that herself and feeling frustrated about it. Her dad do not want to se or just dont know how kids her age usually are. I have been trying to get him to book an appointment because of her not speaking but he has not done that yet.
I started to look at what we can do to help her speak and then The topic autism came up and i can see so many signs that she has it. So many pieces falls in to place and I cant stop thinking about it. But i have not talked to her dad about it. He seems to think that she is just late and a wild child but we need to help her to develop, i think she needs help. Should i talk to him? How would you feel if someone told you that with your kids? What should i do?
I love her and want the best for her.
Should i talk to him? yes
How would you feel if someone told you that with your kids? a bit shocked and upset but have some evidence of what you are saying --- remember early intravention improves her chances
What should i do?
wait here there is a lot of experience and u will get good advice soon especially tonight. To me she appears to have autism. Video the meltdowns/behaviours if you can so u can show them to someone experienced. Get her into the child assessment as soon as u can with her dads approval.
Go into Youtube and watch some videos on child/toddler autism so you know as much as possible and what to look for.
BTW you're a good mum
TIP if she has her favorite shows on TV/DVD whatever,,,,,,,, repeat lines spoken by the characters to her to see if she responds.
Thank you. I have read a lot about that it is good to get diagnosed as quick as possible and I worry that if i doesnt say something she will miss months or maybe years just because i was worried her dad might get upset with me.
Can someone please help me how i should talk to him? I guess that if he also starts reading about it he will see how much of the signs she has.
She likes one tv show and has a word for her favourite character but is not that much into tv. She is responsive and takes eye contact but do not really respond to her name and has not that much facial expressions.
make a list of autistic traits and put a tick against each one she has. ask him if you can get her assessed or not. Explain why it is important - ie she can get help right now and so can you.
You will need advice on communication, calming techniques, wearing ear defenders, sunglasses, and her education
if he says no I would reconsider your position ( talk to social worker or a GP doctor )
I think u should talk to the citizens advice bureau or a social worker about what the right thing to do going forward is.
In short you need parental approval in order to get your step child the proper care.so ,
You may need a "parental responsibility agreement"
https://www.thefamilylawco.co.uk/blog/2019/08/07/can-i-get-parental-responsibility-for-a-step-child-2/
right now she is banging her head so need to contact someone quickly and tell them what is happening. Even your GP so someone knows.
ring this number
0808 800 4104 taken from the NAS website
https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/contact.aspx