Published on 12, July, 2020
Some background information my brother was diagnosed with Aspergers recently at 16 years of age. Since then I have been reading up and here are my potential autistic traits (not seeking a diagnosis particularly) when I go in the kitchen (hard floor) I walk on my tiptoes, I dont have to I just prefer it, I have always been a fussy eater and now at 22 I have realised its because of textures, carrots were too hard meat too stringy, all I ate was chicken nuggets and sausage meat wise as it was clearly softer and less offensive to me, also food couldnt touch for example beans couldnt touch chips (im now fine although the broken beans I still avoid lol) I tend to enjoy social situations but after 2 hours or so I need me time to recharge otherwise I get insanely jittery and on edge and snappy, I have always thought I had super touch sensitivity lol I felt as though I could tell if something or someone was touching me when others wouldnt notice the stimulus, That leads me to now. I am 22 and always thought I was asexual until I started dating other men, I have not had sex with anyone yet but have noticed some interesting things. I am wondering are my reactions not asexuality but instead autism and sensory overload? basically being touched in some areas such as my nipples is too intense, I didnt even realise guys felt things there, but the stimulus is overwhelming. Hugging and being close is beautiful its such a nice feeling. Kissing I can do for my partner but it gives me no sexual pleasure and ends up where im going through the motions methodologically until they seem content. I do get aroused very quickly and frequently by being touched delicately and even a nice hug.
Question is does this sound like some sort of sensory overload and potential autism thing? or am I just a bit asexual? or both?
Any tips would also be nice. I really like this guy. he knows im not super sexual and to take things slow.
Thanks guys :)
PS. Also I dont mean to take away from anyone else, its just autism is on a spectrum so maybe I have very very slight traits? Also the sensory overload during sexual things is like irritability and say being stroked too much it just gets overwhelming and I feel like im screaming inside stop stop stop because its all I can focus on, at other times or other things can be okay but some things at some times can be too much.
Sensory differences are certainly common for autistic people; they can affect any sense (often more than just one), and can include either being very sensitive or being very insensitive (sometimes both for the same person at different times or for different stimuli). I've never seen anything reported or in any forum discussions to suggest that it's correlated with one's sexuality or gender identity in any way. FWIW, I'm hetero, and I've experienced similar anxiety about my touch sensitivity, and your description of kissing is pretty similar to how I feel about it.
Exhaustion from socialising is common too, though it's common also for people with social anxiety. Tip-toe walking might be a clue; considering how diverse autistic people are, I've always been struck by how common that specific thing is - I'm a toe-walker myself, especially if I'm feeling a big agitated.
It's a lovely open-minded community here, and you don't need to have a diagnosis to join in. If you hang around a while and ask whatever questions come to mind, you'll soon see a clearer picture of how much autism might or might not explain things.
Everyone seems so friendly! Thank you so much for the advice :) That is reassuring to hear tbh :) I have thought about joining a forum for about a year but it wasnt until this sexual stuff that made me decided to go for it. can I ask since its similar for you, do you still kiss and does your partner know its not a turn on? yes I am diagnosed and on medication for anxiety (all siblings have the same social anxiety especially in group settings and the other sibling with autism also has been diagnosed with selective mutism). Yes I shall deffo stick around :)
Well, it would be fair to say that I'm not very experienced in such matters (first long-term relationship when I was 45 - if a month counts as "long-term"!), so take what I say with a pinch of salt! I've never told anyone that I don't get a buzz out of kissing, though I've been a bit more open about my touch sensitivity. I don't find kissing revolting, either, so I've always been happy to try to give a bit of pleasure and not spoil it for my partner, I suppose.
Ive only had 3 weeks so far so yeah a month probably is long term! Ahh I see, im a very open person so feel like I should mention that perhaps I love hugs and being close and that kissing is secondary for me. Oo are people generally okay when you mention that perhaps the touching is a little intense? This is very reassuring thank you :)