Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there. I don't want to offend anyone with this post but I don't know where else to ask. I am 53 and have met a new 'boyfriend' 6 weeks ago and to be honest he has touched me on a level so deep that I cannot begin to explain how I feel about him. However, from the beginning I realised that he seemed slightly strange and a couple of weeks ago he told me that he has high functioning autism. He seems to have difficulties recognising personal space and because of this my friends feel he is a letch I suppose. I know they are talking about him/us when I'm not there and I'm confused as to what to do.
I have to say that I am disappointed with myself as I thought I had a much more inclusive perspective but I am wondering if I am so worried about what my friends think am I really the sort of person my boyfriend needs.
I was wanting advice really about what I should do regarding going forward. I love him dearly but I also like my friends. I have tried explaining to some of them but they seem to think that I'm making excuses. Is it best to come up with a set of 'rules' that might mimic boundaries for him (like don't touch someone else's face) or is it best to forewarn my friends about such things or is it better to just let things happen as its who he is and apologise if needed.
He said the set of rules one but I feel really awkward saying this is what you have to do in this situation as it makes me feel really controlling which is not my normal way of doing things.
I'm confused and feel torn. If I could stay in a bubble with him it would be perfect lol
I have no problem with being told what should be done. I appreciate it as it makes it easier for me than trying to figure it out for myself. I don't think he will mind some guidance on making things smoother. I am sure he will tell you if you go to far or he finds it too uncomfortable when you are alone together and chat about it, and indeed ask him if he is okay with it. Don't assume he is, as he will likely not show it if not.
Thank you for your reply. I did speak to him about a couple of incidents with my friends where they felt he was innapropriately friendly. My best friend told me that the other members of the dance group I'm in were talking about him/us. It was really uncomfortable for me to talk to him about it but we have already decided on being 100% honest (something he seems to have to be anyway - I don't think I've ever met anyone so honest lol) but I was torn between running to my friends and leaving him as its probably going to be hard work at times and running to him and leaving my friends because he makes me feel so sort of complete. In reality I want both. So maybe the rules thing is good. He has no difficulties recognising obvious sexual boundaries but it's the ones that can be misinterpreted such as moving someone's hair out of their face that he just doesn't see. He said that if no one tells him then how is he to know. My friends just say how can you not know something like that
I must say it sounds odd to be over-touchy. I cannot deal with anyone touching me and invading my personal space and I therefore avoid being touchy with anyone else. I don't like hugging people unless I am very close, so it sounds off to be over-touchy with your friends...