Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
my son has recently got a asd diagnosis, although I have been fighting for this since he was 3, he’s now 12. We have consistently coped with the struggle of school. Not wanting the uniform on due to the feel, others being to close, teachers voices etc .
i moved him to a primary school in year six to ease his transition into a state school with good sen support. He is coming to the end of year 8 now . Since the beginning he has struggled, he does not attend many lessons due to his anxiety and needing to use his ‘card’. The school have a daily battle to keep him in lessons and resource staff to be with him. He gets constant detentions for defiance. We have put plan after plan in to ‘start again’. The school are done, I get a daily email report now offering a breakdown of his day. Making as many links to his behaviour as possible. They are putting together a paper trail of evidence to exclude. I recognise this as I have done similar in my job as a teacher.
i have asked what happens if they exclude, they would prefer a managed move, if we refuse their choice I assume we are without education.
My son is desperate to stay in school and is frightened of getting excluded, compounding the anxiety and of course making the behaviour worse. It’s like a vicious cycle.
i have been alone in this for so long. I do not know anyone with an autistic child and it feels very scary and lonely.
my only option I feel is home Ed, but as a single mum with full financial responsibility it’s not feasible. I have to work.
just someone that knows how crap this is would be something. Even with a diagnosis I feel like it’s my fault somehow, it breaks my heart to see how my son suffers like this yet I’m frustrated with the situation.
anyway any advice would be great right now. Thank you
Hi I am so sorry you are having to go through this it sounds awful. I myself don not have any kids but I have read and heard that some schools are so concerned with their statistics in relation to tests and exams that they have actually taken to excluding kids that do not reflect well on their achievement outcomes, its disgusting, I really hope this isn't what your sons school are doing.
Good luck with everything and there are some very knowledgeable parents on here to give you advice.
Thank you for replying, we are waiting for the ehcp , the school have already told is it won’t make a difference and they are not equipped with the resources. Often the issues could be resolved by someone giving him space and a kind word. Being barked orders and not being given a space to answer is not helpful. It seems our education system is set up to teach kids to take orders without question. Often his autistic curiosity makes more sense.
my experience of his autism is not ‘he does not feel the same’ it’s more he feels EVERYTHING.
I will keep on, but part of me feels I do not want to fight to keep him somewhere that does not want him.
Being as it is 33 years since my son was diagnosed as autistic at the age of 3, he then went to a special school "Brondyffryn" in Denbighshire,until 19, then he was simply abandoned as being off their records by our Conwy County Borough Council, but since then it has been Political to reduce costs to attach Autistic children to a "normal" schools. This is bound to to fail because being anywhere on the Autistic Spectrum will represent a communication problem for the Child involved to a greater or lesser degree for each individual. It would never have worked for my son, his behavior has been so bad. requiring carers has been impossible after my Council saw fit to withdraw his funding. (Not your problem). Your Problem must be brought to the attention of your MP and possibly an MEP, if in Wales to either Your Welsh Assembly members, or Scottish Parliament Members.
I would further suggest that you keep a detailed diary as to who said what and when, as well as any emails that you receive or are sent.
You may find it sometimes an added advantage to your son (Not You) getting specialist legal help, with you acting for him in dealing with what may evolve on your son's behalf, as he is a minor. I suggest that you make contact with your local Citizens Advice Bureau to see what they can do.
If you google Autism and ehcp this gets, in my case, to NAS Cmyru website describing it in apparent detail.
Their is also possibly a relevant Ombudsman.