Published on 12, July, 2020
Greetings to all who may come to know me, I am fifty one year old late diagnosed autist, diagnosed by way of higher education in 2012 of which was a very revealing year as in the same year I was also found to be an XXY human, of which together with the ASD diagnosis answered so much of my past and near self destruction for me to start work on forgiving myself my failures- it wasn't my fault as I was always lead to believe to suffer that most painful emotion, the feeling of being alien to the species one was born into to know well that other pain ; rejection. Of which given nothing has really changed since diagnosis as adults know there is no treatment for myself to have it writ in black and white in three separate letters is still ongoing and with it, thoroughly depressing, to at last cause me to come here, to see if I can find a way through.
And of autism, what type, well they that diagnosed me an Aspie himself, an NHS consultant working privately as an educational psychologist to whom I was sent when at college I was failing with the easy stuff like being in the right place at the right time and understanding assignment briefs but not the stuff no one else could do to have to be told to stop working at MA level, wasn't exactly sure, as my 'presentation was a bit unusual' he said, to award simply high functioning autism, that and dyspraxia, since taken by all and sundry including my GP as Asperger Syndrome perhaps because it's fashionable as I know the difference between HFA and AS, even if others do not.
And so as to that other diagnosis that came that revealing year, where I discovered I never was what I tried so hard but always failed to be,( by observation),when it was found due to a chest problem, okay, a lump found benign I was born with 47 chromosomes, to be an XXY for the condition to be more commonly referred to as Klinefelter Syndrome, but I reject the term through disagreeing my existence is either a syndrome or a disorder, to just accept the label ; XXY. Where how do I see myself well given science has proved I am biologically not male, I am more than happy to accept the term ' intersex ' through the freedom it affords me to ideally be my wholesome self at last, where of gender I identify as non binary sometimes androgyne, to be on a ' transition' pathway to look less male than I feel I look, where the hormone therapy serves two functions with myself ; feminising in addition to addressing some of the psychological that comes with being XXY for I have found estradiol to be a wonderful anti depressant.
I think I have my answers with regards to the communication for it appears problems occur when I become emotional for my communication to not only become stilted but also what filters I normally employ in communication to drop away for recipients of that form of communication to receive a raw unfiltered howl of emotional pain.
The trick now is to recognise when I am in that state, to avoid communication at all costs.
But to also determine the origin of the pain. to resolve it of which is no mean feat when it is people don't understand you.
Hi hope you get your answers, and most importantly be happy, One love! :)
And to yourself also, I thank you for your most kind welcome.
I thank you deeply for your most kind welcome and encouraging observation of my writing style that others may misunderstand, but it is I have discovered something else of my writing style that comes when I am stressed or upset over something, it like my verbal communication become stilted to wonder if it is this that others reject? Where it is when that occurs I am unaware my communication has become thus, until after I have been abused for it, of which always has the same effect, I believe myself unworthy to remove myself from communication.
As regards the further education, alas I was unable to finish what I started as by then the depression had taken a deep hold of me to not want to leave my abode to have to remove myself from the course.
Welcome to the forum. I am a straight female, but I can certainly relate to the sense seeking a way through. You are not aggressive at all. I am sure somebody will be here with personal experience very relevant to you. Please join in on the forum, there are lively conversations to be had.
Good evening,
Your style of writing is not aggressive. It is, as expected, writing that does not conform to modern day expectations. Instead there is an element, a flair, of the past and correct grammar and phrasing that many of your peers may misunderstand. To be confident and proficient but also different,is not a sign of aggression. Perhaps your friends use the term - aggressive - when a better term would be - unique. Welcome to a place where you will not be judged. As a High Functioning autistic individual with co-morbid difficulties I understand to some degree,the difficulties that come with being diagnosed in this way. I have a degree and Masters Degree and am a fellow of two educational societies yet at the age of 56-7 I received my diagnosis, too late to help me with my studies. Welcome.
And having writ, can I ask does any find my writing style aggressive?
As it is have just been informed by a number of friends my writing is aggressive, to be distinctly non plussed to think is that something else I can't do, even write online.