Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
This is my first post on this forum; or any forum for that matter. My name is Will and I am father to a beautiful little man called Jacob.
I am at work so will keep this condensed for now. My niece and nephew are both autistic one is 17 and one is 12, so I have grown up with a good understanding of the behaviours and traits displayed to a certain degree.
I noticed certain traits in my son from as young as 6 months old; I couldn’t really explain it, but I had a gut feeling he may be autistic. Anyway he is now approaching 2 in Feb and my feelings have been pretty much confirmed. He does not speak at all, flaps his hands, can become very distressed with certain things. I wont go on as those are not the issue.
He has not be formally diagnosed yet, but has been in constant contact with health worker and now speech & language. She has referred him to paediatrician who will proceed with his care and hopefully come to a conclusive diagnosis.
Ok so that is the summary; the reason I am here is of course for support, to know I am doing the right thing with my wife for our boy. We both work full time and it is hard leaving him. He is the most wonderful, loving little man, and is such a good boy. He has the odd meltdown, which is very upsetting, as only myself or my wife can calm him down.
At present his grandparents on both my side and my wife’s side split the child care during the week. This works well, he loves his grandparents and they have come to know how to make his days comfortable and as happy as possible.
The big question I have is nursery. We tried when he was younger and he was beside himself, it was heart-breaking so we took him straight out. We are now going to try again when he hits 2. Just 3 hours on an afternoon twice a week, so he can integrate with other children. This terrifies me, it is fast approaching and I don’t think he will cope. He would be fine as long as one of us was sat in the room; but to be on his own for that long really scares me; I think he will get very upset.
We have visited and he enjoyed the room, was ok with the lady there, but his mam and dad we present which is the huge difference. So really I was wondering if people could share their experience with nursery please and any advice. It would be greatly appreciated. He doesn’t have to go at 2, but would we be doing the wrong thing to not have him go? Myself and my wife just want what is best for our boy.
Thanks
Will
As a Parent of a severely ASD son, different from birth in behavior from his older brothers and sisters.
while your son exhibits ASD symptoms you probably, according to this website and my experience, will not get a definite diagnosis until around 3-3.5 years. Then you can get funded special schooling some how.
Your son has to make sense of his world to the best of his limited ability, this is what he is trying to do, and his frustration triggers the behaviors you see.
He most probably has no understanding of, and the concept of language how it works to communicate his needs.
Sending him to a nursery will not help him. he will be at the mercy of "Normal" children each seeking how to dominate their own situation, but with fully life developed protective measures for their own survival. Your son will not be able to compete. He will need specialist education to help him and this will need to be funded by your local Council. He needs family, who may understand his needs for love and protection. To the outside world he is a Costly Package when you might get help. Always seek help from the CAB or NAS maybe in trying to deal with your Council. Perhaps they have a funded special nursery.
He will need repetition of simple matters for his sanity. He will need a simple story book like Thomas the Tank engine read to him. the same one read many times, He will like it I expect because, it is a make believe world and repetitious..
so start with the first simple stories. He will eventually go through the lot. even at times when out shopping having to buy the same book several times, because he sees it in a shop and wants it. or a tantrum. He will not understand the Language but the "Melody of your speech". and learn the words. He will probably like a simple Tune as a melody.
He may eventually teach himself to read and write in seeking to break out of the "prison" his mind is trapped in, but not understand a word of what he has read or written, because he does not understands the Language, but as he gets older gradually he will understand more and more. It just depends just how his ASD affects him, You can perhaps judge this by looking at his autistic cousins. You are fortunate to have the help of his Grand Parents. He is your child not theirs, but you could ask them as to other relatives they have, who were thought different and perhaps hidden away from society,
I am 79 and my wife is 77 we are still caring 24x7 for our autistic son of 35 as Unpaid Carers of last resort.
We are so protective over him. I don't want to be too smothering but I worry every minute I am not with him. He is such a lovely little man. You have really hit the nail on the head about his books. He adores them. We have set them out in sections which he likes, so he has touchy feely ones, musical ones, pepper pig ones, and then bigger ones with pictures of animals and so forth. No exaggeration he can sit on my knee or my wifes knew for an hour whilst we read the same book, he turns the pages and gets very excited. If a page gets stuck together he knows to go back. However if we get tired of reading that particular book and he is not ready he can get very very distressed. Thank you for taking the time to respond, any advice is greatly appreciated. This is a really hard time because I feel we are in limbo, I know in my heart 100% no doubt he is ASD but we have to wait for a formal diagnosis.