Concerned mum

Hi there, I hope I'm posting in the right place. I'm after some advice and to hear from parents of children with ASD about the types of behaviours that first alerted them to the fact their children may have ASD.

I have a 14 month old son and for the last 3 or 4 months I've been noticing things about his behaviour that seemed very different to my daughter when she was growing up. He very rarely makes eye contact with anyone, hates to be cuddled and does not respond to his name (or to any voice at all really) despite passing his hearing test perfectly. He is obsessed with with spinning wheels and staring at lights and will often become completely engrossed in an on/off switch or a screw in the back of a toy. He does not point at things, follow my gaze or give me toys when we're playing. 

However, he is a very happy boy who laughs and smiles quite a lot. He loves to play peekaboo (which is the only thing he will initiate) and he does wave at me and smile and enjoys me singing If You're Happy and You Know It.

People keep saying things to me like "oh he's a slow learner" and "boys are just lazy" but I just have a feeling in my gut that something isn't quite right. I wonder if this sounds like ASD to anyone? Any thoughts or advice would gratefully received.

Parents
  • I believe you are in the right place to get advice. The light flickering that could be perceived from a spinning wheel being an obsession, is similar to waving fingers in front of eyes to get the same visual stimulus. Another visual stimulus that might be apparent later could well be getting objects such as toy vehicles trains or cars to either approach or recede direct from his line of vision. 

    He is still very young to appreciate much more than his close family, and I presume is barely tottering about. Later he could also learn to get a similar visual stimulus seeing the accidental dropping of brittle pottery on to a hard surface and enjoying the shattering as it flies in bits. or dropping eggs, so don't be hard on him if he copies it, because he cannot help himself if he later does it, it may eventually pass.  

    Try and get yourself known as Mum and Dad as Dad, because, while Autism is a spectrum of handicaps. From people who will respond most eloquently on this website, to those who never can. There are some who may have a great difficulty in understanding and comprehending language, any language! Even though they may sing songs word perfect, in perfect pitch exactly as heard, and repeat written words as it is written being, just another sound, and not understanding any of it. and over time basic family simple speech may be repeated when the meaning is understood.

    But Your son interacts with you, and he is happy and smiles a lot, and likes sounds like Boo! So concentrate on interacting Face to Face; Mum, Dad Sister's name, Gran etc Dinner, Tea Very simple stuff. You will probably not get diagnoses of ASD until about 3.5 years, so you will get advice here to have to push the Schools, Local Authority Social Services etc. 

    From memory and my own experience; Tomas the Tank engine books became an obsession when out. To have to buy the same book time and time again, also Kit Kat Wrappers. Having to buy Kit Kats to get the wrappers to avoid a tantrum. Anything like this Make a note of it, especially unexplained tantrums and dropping down anywhere and in shops, where your son may lay down and refuse to move for a period of time and people may make rude comments. If that happens just say "You’re lucky". Make a diary Note because this evidence could justify a disabled Parking Badge. Etc. I had to go right through the process of appealing right up to a Medical Appeals Tribunal to establish that an autistic child, my son, is Physically Handicapped. it took until the age of about 7 or 8. and is towards one end of The Austic Spectrum of disabilities. 

       Phrases from the Books and TV stories are quite often repeated to express something even after 30+ years. We still get the occasional egg dropped, or something smashed,  if he becomes stressed, He may also hit out. It is still a fight for services and funding.

  • Thank you for taking the time to reply. My son does sometimes flick his fingers near his eyes. He isn't walking yet so we haven't had any out and about tantrums or anything but he does get frustrated with things and you can tell he's getting angry.

    Thank you for all the advice. I'll definitely keep an eye out for the things you've mentioned and keeping a diary sounds like a great idea.

    Thank you so much

  • Your son like all children will be trying to make sense of the world he was born into. If he is autistic and your notes indicate that is a possibility.  Remember if so, there is no cure, special foods or, supplements, that will help or cure him.  It is something he will have to deal with all his life with as much help as can be got.

    It is not on its own a mental or, any other illness, although it can result from other causes one being birth trauma. Only you know about that so, it may help you to obtain from your Doctor and the Hospital your Medical records in relation to his birth, just write to them and ask what fees they want: for instance it may say "Menconium in the Birth Fluids" indicating the Baby was born under stress. and add it to your Diary File.

    We are now approaching a disturbing time of year for autistic children that Frighten non autistic kids Halloween and Guy Fawkes Night and the weeks before and after with people letting off big "Bangs". Just be prepared if your son gets Frightened. I know My Son gets Frightened, and for obvious safety reasons We keep Scary Knife Halloween videos away,  although there is one in a Bart Simpson Video as his behavior is copied at times. He is Bart Simpson and dresses as such.  

    Good luck.

  • We have many high functioning autistic people here that work in care homes, they know how to communicate with the people who are there to be cared for, we do understand what you call severe autism, believe it or not I have shared traits as they have, mine are just less severe, I have melt  downs or as you say sudden ( unexplained) dropping to the floor, if you knew anything about autism you would know there is a reason for him suddenly dropping to the floor, it may be as simple as too much noise, or lights to bright, I suffer with noise levels , not enough to drop to the floor but enough to cause me anxiety and a need to get out quick away from whatever is causing it. 

  • Dear NAS38972 you have read my words and responded, Good! That tells me you are listening.
    Firstly .you say I have a thing about eyes, my comment about eyes in my previous reply to you was taken from something you went on and on about in another post, I said it to highlight what you think is GOOD advice!!!
    I am not obsessed by eyes. It appears you were,

    Your words are below,

    “If he goes for peoples eyes, he must be regarded as biing severely autistic, this is classic repetetive behavoir. My son will if he gets the chance go for people mouths to get at their tongue. This comes from watching a lifetime of bart Simpsons Cartoons, where Homer strangles Bart and Bart's tongue comes out ofhis Mouth. He will als hit you on top fo the head,

    Some one some where some how at some time introduced your son to eyes.your son is obsessed with eyes, You should not talk to him abut it, It will get him into trouble. Dont show him babies as he will become more curious. If he is autistic he will only be interested in himself. .Don't draw eyes.They are used to communicate with, Maybe you use Contact lenses , Maybe he sees you Make up your eyes, Maybe it's on TV, or wherever. You will have to try and get him to forget eyes. Somewhere some how He has eyes imprinted in his brain as something to exoplore to seek the answer to his problem of what can only be a very confusing world. Yes you will have to be aware always of where he is and what he might do. Dont ever show him a glass eye of Marbles. Think NO EYES,

    An autistic person when drawing a face will draw eyes with all the pupils in and the dot in the Middle..”

    (You are so very wrong, you have no idea what you are telling people is so very wrong. All you do is instil fear and a sense of no hope when telling parents these things,) ,


    And here is a reminder of Advice given to you after I reported your comments on another post.

    NAS moderator
    NAS38972
    Dear NAS38972,

    You may find it useful to have a look at our autism page on our website which has a vast amount of information. The page contains information on the basics of what the autism spectrum is, how it's defined in a clinical sense, and the characteristics of autism: www.autism.org.uk/.../asd.aspx.

    Furthermore, you may also find it useful to have a look at our position statement about the cause of autism: www.autism.org.uk/.../causes.aspx

    Kind regards,

    Ayshe Mod

    I could find all the comments of yours that upset others, I could find all the things you say about your son, a lot of them tell of things like restraining him, saying he points his feet inwards, but has never seen any Charlie Chaplin films? How when he becomes overwhelmed when out shopping you leave him on the floor and tell the tut tut people they are lucky! Or you restrain him, bind him up.
    I won’t as I truly think you are trying to help, I just worry you give people the wrong advice based on what you think is right.
    As an autistic person born without trauma who has been here a very long time I can tell you much of what you say needs looking at, you try to help both your son and people on here, but your wrong,
    please go and read what Ayshe mod suggested to you in the many links,, keep reading it until you understand it, even then you will never truly understand what autism is. I am autistic, just that, I may be in your eyes high functioning because I talk, but we are all autistic and we are not disabled or wrong, we are wired differently, it is most likely a genetic thing passed down from the father or mother, that is not yet confirmed but looks highly likely. Have you ever taken any tests yourself, you present with quite a few traits. Just saying.
    I just cannot sit back and hear you a neurotypical think you understand autism and give wrong advice to parents or anyone else.
    Also why do you come here? If you needed help understanding your son then you only have to ask, Or is it you come here because you imagine you’re the fountain of all knowledge regarding autism,

    You may have reported me as abusive before but they never told me, probably as they could see you need help. Not me.

  • As I stated in previous comments I do appreciate your struggles and the horrific time you must have been through in the past you are also right nonverbal autistic can not tell us their side I have never claimed otherwise 

    All I said was that you have turned something that was a simple request for advice on a child that does have verbal skill into a debate that will achieve nothing but alienation. The other point I made was just about the poop 

    I'm no doctor but I'm 38 mother to 4 children between 22 years 10 months my first had the issue of poop present but suffered no trauma and is perfectly healthy my second nearly died multiple times and is currently being assessed the 3Rd normal 4th 5 weeks early traumatic birth but not showing any traits 

    Point is we all have differing situations just yours was not really relevant on this one. You should have started your own, and then you would more than likely had a productive conversation. 

    And nas do support non verbals my partners cousin is totally non verbal receiving 24 hour a day care and I no his family have received support here when they asked. As they were the ones who directed me here

    I hope you find the help you obviously need

  • I finished my comments here on this thread with my second post as I believed it may be helpful to any person reading who may be as affected as my son is.

    Only to find myself here under attack again on the NAS website, by those such as yourself. who cannot relate to what I have written.

    I don' t know what age you or others were diagnosed, or whether you were a child or an adult. or, am I even concerned as how your autism affects you or, others unless you say so.

    Unfortunately severely autistic people cannot say so, or exist on this web site. 

    That is why others have to have say it for them the best way they can.

    The NAS website as far as I have seen in the couple of weeks since I stumbled on to it, does a good job for those that enquire. 

    We have as a family been a NAS life member for over 30 years it does not seem to offer advice for the severely Autistic adult and their Unpaid Family Carers of Last resort, as yet discovered.

     

  • It does not always nor is it only present due to this but as I said not really relevant to this thread 

  • Many years ago when my son our 6th Child was born. I witnessed a problem. I had to sit out of the way adjacent to a resuscitation unit.  When my son was born. He was born Grey, and the Nurse sped out of the room with him, but came back after a while and he was bright Pink. At a much later date after he diagnosed as being autistic and he had been taken to the Childrens hospital in Sheffield, where my son was examined, and in the subsequent report issued to his solicitors. The Report, I paraphrase, stated there had been nothing wrong with his birth as there had been no mencomium in his birth fluids. I only saw this when his solicitor closed his file years later. when he was over 20 and of course we were dealing with a severely handicapped adult. So being curious I requested the Hospital, with my wife's permission of course, for her Birth Reports. Low and behold  her Birth Records stated that there was Menconium on two records as I recall. Later I was informed this was Poo.

    So Not being a Doctor.  I equate Menconium (Poo) in the Birth Fluids as being necessarily required to indicate my son with being deprived of Oxygen during his Birth. Because the converse was stated by a learned Doctor specializing in child autism it absence indicated otherwise.  

  • You obviously have spent a long time fighting for your son nobody is saying that you haven't and you are right attitude is alot different to 30 years ago. And yes being deprived of oxygen at birth is trauma but the previous post were relating to a baby pooping during birth which is not also the lady who started this topic is probably looking in horror at the proverbial can of worms that has been opened she came for advice about some behaviour traits and this is the response we all have differing situations and experience but some of the older experiences with care are not relevant to care now and as such are just posted to scare. I do not mean to diminish your struggles but this thread is not really relevant to them

  • as my son were awarded from the age of two years a lesser disability benefit, and the Blue Badge without all the fighting on his behalf, I had to do taking about 5 years in total. In those days only the most severe end of the Autistic Spectrum was recognised by the State and believed to be classified as a mental illness, and therefore not illegible for a Blue Badge, if you could physically walk up and down stairs, among the tests my son was put through, Whereas today thanks to the NAS the whole of The Autistic Spectrum disabilities are now recognised by the Media at large,and presumably the State. But obviously not by some on this Website, who like the State have not met someone like me before that has fought for 30+ years on my son's behalf and those like him. As I can assure readers they do exist mainly they are in Care Homes and forgotten and are only heard of when they have been abused and make the Press.

  • Unfortunately I have had to again report your comments as abusive, You represent one end of the AS and obviously dominate this website. apart you obviously having an obsession with eyes. I have only just realised  your visual representation of yourself is an eye.

    My son who is profoundly autistic with a learning disability is obviously not represented on this "The NAS Website". In fact describing his conditions seems to represent a threat to a High functioning autistic person such as yourself at the other end of the Autism Spectrum Disabilities, who obviously dominates this website.

    There are many reasons that babies and others become ASD, One of them is Birth Trauma. This has nothing  to do with any failure by the Mother giving birth, but if you were better informed you will know this probably indicates a lack of oxygen at birth as happened to my son. There may be other reasons.  A record of this obvious failure by the trained people involved in the birth of the infant is contained in the Mothers Hospital Birth Records. it may well support a substantial claim for lifetime care damages for the damaged infant, child, adult and beyond after the death of the Unpaid Carers of Last resort that will have had to do this Care in the failure of any Care Packages funded by local authority Child/Adult Care services. This is well documented in the Press. 

    For any  parent of an severely autistic Child that may recognise some of the mobility Problems I have described of the Child dropping down for no reason, when out and about, and having to have the child tied or in close support to them to protect them from danger as a means to control.

    If you were better informed You will know this is physical restraint and as such as I have established at a Medical Appeals Tribunal many years ago,  after a tortuous legal process represented a physical disability and not a mental illness and my son was awarded Maximum Disability Benefit at the time a physical disability was the only reason for getting a Blue Badge. Later for Life, Until PIP, Then all over again until getting 47points including 12 points for a physical Mobility disability and his Blue Badge. Subsequent to my son's MAT, I recall reading that other Autistic children such 

  • Seriously, some people may find bangs disturbing but really..

    As for your comments on birth trauma it has been suggested there could be a link but trauma means exactly that, ie a baby born prem with induction and group b strep leading to sepsis lung collapse and clots in the brain that would be considered trauma 

    However the baby having a poop on the way out is not trauma it is a risk of infection for the mother 

    I'm sure you mean well as we all do and are entitled to opinion same as I am your comments seem a tad derogatory 

Reply
  • Seriously, some people may find bangs disturbing but really..

    As for your comments on birth trauma it has been suggested there could be a link but trauma means exactly that, ie a baby born prem with induction and group b strep leading to sepsis lung collapse and clots in the brain that would be considered trauma 

    However the baby having a poop on the way out is not trauma it is a risk of infection for the mother 

    I'm sure you mean well as we all do and are entitled to opinion same as I am your comments seem a tad derogatory 

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