Published on 12, July, 2020
HI. First the boring stuff... Male, 46, married, children etc...
I have spent my life always feeling different - interpreting things differently to my peers, feeling like the 5th wheel at gatherings, often being told (accused) of being rude and overtly blunt, not being able to maintain casual friendships etc.
After being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and then losing my job because of it (employment tribunal ongoing), I have been working with the local NHS mental health support team for nearly a year. This week I had an appointment with an IPT practitioner for an initial assessment. After talking for about 5 minutes, she asked me if I'm autistic or if I have had an ASD diagnosis. I hadn't really considered the possibility myself, though I know that my brother is ASD.
I say that I hadn't considered the possibility myself but my wife (9 years married) has been suggesting for most of the last year that I speak to my GP about it. When I broached the subject with my GP at my last appointment (concerning the depression) he stated that he did not believe there would be any clinical benefit to receiving a diagnosis etc.
Anyway, after my IPT assessment, and at the suggestion of the practitioner, I did an online AQ-10 and scored 9/10. I then did an AQ-50 and scored 41. I then asked my wife to complete the AQ-50 on my behalf (she had not been part of the initial go through) and the result came out at 39/50.
We then discussed these results in some details and have both done a lot of reading and research around ASD and "The Spectrum". I have been completely shocked as to how many "Aspie" boxes I tick. Furthermore, when I look back at a number of things in my life - and discussing them with my wife - some things now make so much more sense. Just as importantly, my wife agrees with this and has stated that some of the things about life with me that she really could not understand (e.g. getting really stressed to the point of anger when she changes plans at the last minute), when looked through the lens of an aspie, actually make sense.
In looking back on my life, with the aspie in mind, I have been able to understand so many things that, at the time - and even later - simply did not make sense to me. One of the more recent of these would be the situation that led to me losing my job. All the time I had worked there, my manager had been really on my case about the way I spoke to people and did not properly integrate into the larger group that our team belonged to. I really could not see where there was a problem or why it had to be me that was the problem. At one point, during a closed door meeting where my manager was again "discussing" these things with me, I became so frustrated that I ended up in tears. He interpreted this as being our of remorse or regret at not doing better with my peers but it was purely the level of frustration at not being able to understand what he was going on about.
Whilst I have not yet received a formal diagnosis (and possibly won't), I have an appointment with one of my mental health workers later this week so will discus the matter with her.
Anyway, in some ways, self-diagnosing as ASD, possibly even an "Aspie", feels like weight being lifted from my shoulders. In other ways it is frustrating; reading through the various literature available, there have been a number of other diagnosis' that could all have been explained with ad ASD diagnosis which, in turn, would have made life so much easier - especially in the world of work and interpersonal relationships.
That being said, if I had been diagnosed when younger, different life choices would have been made both by me and for me (e.g. I can pinpoint at least 3 relationships that failed due to ASD-like communication issues) and I would not have landed in the place I was when I met my (now) wife. Subsequently, I would not have our 2 daughters who are my world.
Anyway... Just wanted to say "Hi" and....?
Oh, one final thing. Someone in one of the other posts shared a link to a test on www.rdos.net... I took that test this evening and obtained the following results:
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 136 of 200Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
I'm willing to share the full results if anyone is particularly interested...
Off to make (another) cuppa...
Okay - as long as it is fairly laid back... As for sending my mum a questionnaire, unless they want to address it to Guildford Cemetary, they won't have a lot of luck there.
As I understand it, yes. The first session was essentially basic screening; the NICE approved tests I linked to were used, plus a short interview asking fairly targetted questions. After that, I had another three interviews, each for over an hour. The interviewer introduced broad areas of discussion, but I was encouraged to recall whatever connected recollections or experiences I wanted. The psychologist would then give a little feedback, framing what I'd said more clinically, and pointing out any areas to be explored further.
The atmosphere was generally quite laid back, and I didn't feel unduly pressured to answer quickly or in any particular way. There were no puzzle type tests to solve, though an Occupational Therapist joined us briefly for her opinion on my sensory, motor, and attentional traits (I am a little dyspraxic, and there are hints of ADD, though this is yet to be confirmed.) Due to her living so far away, my Mum was sent questionnaires to provide her contribution regarding my childhood.
I was told the outcome verbally at the end of the final session, though the assessor said that she had had little doubt since the first of the main interviewing sessions. A few weeks later, this was followed by a pretty chunky report containing all of the questionnaire results and noting observed behaviours for each of the diagnostic criteria.
The only blow was that follow-up counselling and Occupational Therapy never happened. I was offered and accepted both, but the unit had only a handful of part time staff and had to abandon post-diagnosis follow-ups in order to cope with its two year waiting list. However, I'm far from alone there, it's not unusual for assessment teams to provide little or no post-diagnosis support.
Was your actual assessment using the DISCO model/approach?
It sounds like you're in a good position then. The actual assessment, I found much easier than the path to getting there; you're dealing with people who have the appropriate specialisms. It was refreshing to talk to someone who actually understood what I was on about at my assessment, and, although I was still a bag of nerves, I quite enjoyed the experience.
Yes, I'd say that I have both of those characteristics.
My own take on it is this. I just seem to have a mind that simply cannot tolerate ambiguity; it is a compulsion to try to find a single, definite, concrete answer to everything. But there are many things in life, especially where the unpredictability of other people is concerned, where no amount of raw data, and no possible viewpoint, can give a definite answer. Where most folks would eventually go with whatever "feels" right, my mind just keeps going at the problem; my lack of a "gut instinct", or mistrust of it, leaves nothing to break the cycle.
I have done both the AQ-10 (9/10) and AQ-50 (41/50) tests and looked at NICE diagnostic guidelines etc.
As it stands, it looks as though my IPT practitioner is going to progress the diagnostic route rather than having to rely on my GP so, fingers crossed...
The NICE guidelines for adult autism diagnosis specifically mention two of the commonly available tests...
The Autism Quotient test
The Empathy Quotient test
These two are quite commonly used by autism assessment centres as part of their initial screening; both are designed for completion without prompting by a professional, and have been formally shown to be clinically significant (though obviously not definitive). The RDOS is not specifically mentioned by NICE, but is similarly intended as a clinical tool, not just an entertaining web quiz. You should point this out if your GP is reticent to take the tests seriously, and could refer to the NICE guidelines if necessary.
Good advice. In some ways I'm fortunate in that when I start to research something, I'm like a sponge (is that the aspire in me or just me?). In other ways, with the reading I've been doing so far, I keep coming back to the same question (see brackets above). Have you, or anyone else gone through a similar thing?
Oh yes, I remember it well. A word of advice; don't try to cram it all in too quickly, it's very easy to overdo it at first! It's as much about joining the pieces together as about collecting all the pieces as quickly as you can. Some new insights can snowball into a slightly overwhelming torrent of thoughts relating to many past and present events. Allow yourself a time out from sucking up new research every once in a while to get your breath back and let the dust settle.
Hi. How useful was having the rdos result when you approached your GP etc?
Thank you. At the moment I'm just working on understanding this (New) aspect of my life - it is a lot to get my head around etc
Welcome! my rdos is 123 / 69. Got diagnosed a couple of months back, female, mid 40s
Welcome to the forum.
I'm a 48 year old man, diagnosed a few years ago now, and your route to realising that you may be autistic is very similar to mine; loss of employment through mental health problems (several times over the decades), eventually leading to the realisation that there was something deeper that explained why I had these episodes.
Your GP is missing the point entirely. If autism is underlying your mental health problems, then of course there is clinical benefit in knowing it. There may also be less direct benefits for self-esteem and self-confidence in you having formal confirmation to remove any remaining doubts about the diagnosis. This is not to say that everyone needs a formal diagnosis; you will not be begrudged peer-to-peer help, such as here, for not having one, and any advice that benefits you just does, regardless of what paperwork you might have.
Everything that you've reported, including how much autism explains past events, is consistent with an ASD diagnosis. Of course, no-one here can diagnose you for sure, but you have very good grounds for seeking a formal assessment if you desire one.
As a life-long, innate condition, you are quite right that a diagnosis of autism will not, in itself, change who you are. Nothing has to change at all unless you wish it; it just gives you the opportunity to better understand yourself so that you can make wiser choices.
Best wishes.