New here and my new husband and I have my 22 year old Aspergers' son living with us.

Hi everyone,

This is my first post after joining the NAS and attending 2 support meetings as my new husband and I are struggling and arguing over how to work with my son and I am looking for help and support from fellow parents and asperger adults for advice and guidance.

I have found there is too much information available online and I struggle to see the 'wood for the trees'.

My husband feels I am being manipulated and my son can do far more on his own, whereas I like to take little steps at a time and feel like 'piggy' in the middle.

Any pointers on the way forward would be greatly appreciated.

Helen C

Parents
  • Hi Helen

    What you said really struck a chord about too much information online . I feel exactly the same as I struggle to find help for my daughter . I think your small step approach is probably best . People with asd struggle to process instructions and retain information so you shouldn’t overwhelm them with too much at one time .

    Like you I also feel like piggy in the middle (I’m assuming your husband is not your son’s dad) my husband is also not my daughter’s dad so does not have the same emotional involvement that I have . I was told recently by a counsellor that my daughter is manipulating us and that we shouldn’t let her control everything . At first I thought that he was probably right but then when I thought about it I realised that she can’t empathise in the same way as people without asd so she can’t really help behaving as she does. She sees the world in s totally different way and it’s probably the same for your son . Frustrating as it is I think it helps to try and see things from their perspective - otherwise you are constantly fighting a losing battle and feeling that somehow you have failed because you’re not ‘taking control’ of the situation. 

    I hope you find some help and support with your son x Anna 

Reply
  • Hi Helen

    What you said really struck a chord about too much information online . I feel exactly the same as I struggle to find help for my daughter . I think your small step approach is probably best . People with asd struggle to process instructions and retain information so you shouldn’t overwhelm them with too much at one time .

    Like you I also feel like piggy in the middle (I’m assuming your husband is not your son’s dad) my husband is also not my daughter’s dad so does not have the same emotional involvement that I have . I was told recently by a counsellor that my daughter is manipulating us and that we shouldn’t let her control everything . At first I thought that he was probably right but then when I thought about it I realised that she can’t empathise in the same way as people without asd so she can’t really help behaving as she does. She sees the world in s totally different way and it’s probably the same for your son . Frustrating as it is I think it helps to try and see things from their perspective - otherwise you are constantly fighting a losing battle and feeling that somehow you have failed because you’re not ‘taking control’ of the situation. 

    I hope you find some help and support with your son x Anna 

Children