Recently diagnosed with ASC

I've joined this forum to learn more about ASC, other Aspies' experiences and possibly ways to deal with my frustration and anger particularly when it comes to work environments that suffer from a lack of organisation, are being badly managed or staff / management that like to throw their weight around / bully.

When I was younger I was more social outside of work but over the past few years have grown disillusioned with people due to bad experiences where friends just don't seem to make any effort / only bother when they want something.

Also my parents are strict fundamentalist evangelical christians so you can imagine the kind of environment I was raised in. I cut contact with them a few years ago now because visiting them often involved them disrespecting my girlfriend, feeding me bizarre conspiracy theories and trying to convert me to their way of thinking.

As I'm [apparently] very logically minded and like to absorb scientific materials (usually in the form of podcasts) this was a highly frustrating situation to be placed in as I knew they were talking guff but any attempt to have a rational conversation would result in agitation so I'd often not say anything but ending up having quite intense frustrated / angry rants upon my return home.

As a result of not being able to have a rational conversation about their [in my opinion misguided] beliefs I even wrote them a letter explaining why I feel their behavior is unacceptable complete with examples of scientific evidence and tried to communicate that all I wanted was a normal relationship where we visit each other, go for days out, etc but they apparently now see me as being influenced by satan - I haven't heard from them for over three years now.

My experiences in the workplace, with "friends" and my parents has now resulted in me completely isolating myself from any social activity.

I no longer visit friends [not that I really have many] and don't really like going out with [or to visit] my girlfriends friends or family, nor do I like visitors to the house.

Last week there was an enforced work team building and social event and I booked half a day to avoid it as I have no interest in such things. I just want to be able to work and not be forced into thing like this. When I hear of work social activities I get a sinking feeling in my stomach.

There are also members of management there that, because of their actions, such as mismanagement, bullying and incompetence, I have no respect for and refuse to adopt a false persona around just to make everyone else happy.

One particular manager [who clearly has her own set of mental health issues] recently attempted to weaponize my mental health in an effort to stir up trouble with my manager, all because she's generally quite an abrasive person who was going around being a tool to everyone in the company because she'd been promoted to the board of directors and was in charge of implementing a procedure which she insisted everyone follow and then because her department was "too busy" decided to ignore and direct someone to ask me to violate it.

I have zero tolerance for such blatant hypocrisy, especially if you're being abrasive while insisting others follow your rules, and so challenged her. I was direct in my words, not unprofessional but she chose to take it as a threat to her authority and proceeded to offer me the explanation that she chose me because I'm helpful whilst telling my manager that she'd been looking at my monitors and that I wasn't doing any work.

Two other staff members have left as a direct result of her behavior and the whole situation frustrates the hell out of me, I don't hate people generally but I have to admit that I hate her.

This is a common theme throughout my employment, I always run into people like this and end up becoming massively frustrated, angry, anxious and ultimately depressed.

I've reached a point where I'm very cynical of people and their ultimate intentions, something I don't think I'm equipped to be able to work out, hence me finding myself being used by people.

I no longer have the desire to establish or maintain friendships with people, I think that people are inherently selfish and I can't cope with that any more.

As a recent example:

I've told a particular friend that lives about 25 miles away in no uncertain terms that I no longer bother with people that don't an effort to maintain friendships, particularly those that expect me to visit them but never come to visit me.

She doesn't drive but that's fine, never stopped me in the past.

In fact, I used to make a 4 hour journey regularly to visit another friend after he moved near Ipswich from Luton years ago. All his friends drove except me and yet none of them bothered with him - I was the only one. I used to sacrifice my New Years, Christmas and Bank Holidays to go and see him when others couldn't be bothered.

I sent her bus information and offered to pick her up from a bus station local to me - the offer wasn't accepted.

I haven't seen her for about 6 months now.

This is exactly the type of behavior that's contributed to the way I now feel.

Again, this is hardly the first example.

Parents
  • Hi SciFiGreg

    Your experience of the work environment seems to mirror mine exactly - you try to do your job as well as you can but there's always someone who has a different agenda messing it up for everyone. Neurotypicals seem to be able to exist around these types of people but they drive me nuts too.

    I think your experience with friends is very similar too - lots of 'takers' out there and not many 'givers'. Seems to be connected with the social media mentalty where everything is disposable after 15 minutes. Including people.

    Can't really offer you any advice, but you're not the only one feeling the way you do.

    Best wishes, James

  • I don't understand the need for office politics.

    I don't get it and therefore don't play the game, which gets me into trouble.

    Usually with some brown-nosing manager that only got their role through manipulation or because of nepotism who feels threatened by my refusal to accept their behavior, this usually resulting in being bullied or ostracized.

    I don't understand why people act that way.

  • Welcome to the forum.

    As you can see, there's quite a little club of us! I've had similar experiences in several jobs. They've always ended up with me completely burning out. I get so exhausted that anything else in my life goes out of the window after a while, until I crash into a deep depression and end up having to go back on benefits.

    You only one need bad apple to make a workplace hell, too. The last place I worked suited me well to start with; a very small company in hi-tech, genuinely equal ops and no fuss about accommodations, and quite a few amiable but slightly oddball colleagues not unlike me.

    A few years later, we ended up with a new section manager. The weird thing was that he was quite openly divisive, bullying and condescending, but also expected you to believe this smarmy, slimy mock friendliness he'd use to try to get you on his side. His team meetings to "include us in decision making" were so blatantly rigged to get him his own way that eventually we'd deliberately make stupid suggestions just to see how far he would go with the pretence. He didn't notice, of course, or he didn't care that we knew he was a fraud.

    He couldn't even get the meat of his job right; we were a team of complementary specialists, yet he treated us as interchangeable. We'd be given projects outside our areas of expertise, so wasted half of our time consulting each other for advice.

    But the boss, who was generally respected and thought a nice guy, seemed completely taken in by whatever he was being presented. The HR person also seemed to think the sun shone out of his rear end. So there was bugger all any of us could do about him short of leaving or hoping that we'd end up with a watertight case for constructive dismissal. He was a big fan of outsourcing, so our best guess was that he was trying to sneak whittling down the workforce under the nose of the boss.

    Suffice to say, I didn't last very long after he started!

    I wish I had some advice for you, but that's the best job I ever had! (I also didn't mean to rant quite so much, my apologies!)

  • No worries man, I get proper ranty myself when I'm triggered or think about a situation that has triggered me.

    I've been constantly irritated and defensive with various people at work due to their incompetence or condescension over the past couple of months.

    I get on well with my team and most of the people in my part of the office and the helpdesk, although I can't really be bothered to make small talk with them most of the time.

    I used to be more outgoing but I've lost all motivation to interact outside of my team.

    Especially as the bully I mentioned earlier watches my monitors and I've seen her glaring in during a meeting recently which winds me up no end.

    She made two people leave because of her behaviour and managed to manipulate the MD into demanding an apology from one of them as she played the victim.

    He told him to shove it.

    Just seeing her makes me angry.

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  • No worries man, I get proper ranty myself when I'm triggered or think about a situation that has triggered me.

    I've been constantly irritated and defensive with various people at work due to their incompetence or condescension over the past couple of months.

    I get on well with my team and most of the people in my part of the office and the helpdesk, although I can't really be bothered to make small talk with them most of the time.

    I used to be more outgoing but I've lost all motivation to interact outside of my team.

    Especially as the bully I mentioned earlier watches my monitors and I've seen her glaring in during a meeting recently which winds me up no end.

    She made two people leave because of her behaviour and managed to manipulate the MD into demanding an apology from one of them as she played the victim.

    He told him to shove it.

    Just seeing her makes me angry.

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