Aspergers can be tough, can't it?

I can only speak for myself here , but I recognise some stages you have been through.

At the time things happen I still go through the unsetted and overwhelmed stages if that makes any sense. Being aware doesn't particuary dull the intensity.

It sounds as if you are both having it hard, you especially right now.

"Intimacy" can be tough when you are unsettled or overwhelmed with so many other things are happening, especially when it is with someone you have that rare emotional bond with. When it is just the physical act it can be a little less complex, but add in the emotions that you are so bad at handling you can feel like it would be easier not to go there. Sensations both physical and emotional are just extra work to deal with, another sensory input on top of everything else the world throws at you.

When I felt like that it was when I was working in one of my most important jobs, which I didn't really want to do, and a family member was ill. I had to have rigid self control on so many things to keep functioning and working to support my family I couldn't "let go" for private moments. I became a human machine again as a form of self defence to all those inputs that disturbed me. This enabled me to provide for my family which was no1 priority and must be met.

What helped was my wife talking and listening, we actually went on a peer counselling course together to find logical ways of communicating when i was "machine like". Jacqui learned to talk and listen to the machine. 

I'm a couple of years past that now and things are well again, but i do understand that at that time my love for my wife was as strong as ever, just at that stage i needed to prioritise and stay well. I'm not saying that was fair, right or even the right decision but it was the only solution I had for life at that stage. 

As daft as it sounds, the thing that helped me through the most it was short letters from my wife she would leave on my desk. That were friendly, complimentary and reminded me that she cared.

I can only speak for myself here , but I recognise some stages you have been through.

At the time things happen I still go through the unsetted and overwhelmed stages if that makes any sense. Being aware doesn't particuary dull the intensity.

It sounds as if you are both having it hard, you especially right now.

"Intimacy" can be tough when you are unsettled or overwhelmed with so many other things are happening, especially when it is with someone you have that rare emotional bond with. When it is just the physical act it can be a little less complex, but add in the emotions that you are so bad at handling you can feel like it would be easier not to go there. Sensations both physical and emotional are just extra work to deal with, another sensory input on top of everything else the world throws at you.

When I felt like that it was when I was working in one of my most important jobs, which I didn't really want to do, and a family member was ill. I had to have rigid self control on so many things to keep functioning and working to support my family I couldn't "let go" for private moments. I became a human machine again as a form of self defence to all those inputs that disturbed me. This enabled me to provide for my family which was no1 priority and must be met.

What helped was my wife talking and listening, we actually went on a peer counselling course together to find logical ways of communicating when i was "machine like". Jacqui learned to talk and listen to the machine. 

I'm a couple of years past that now and things are well again, but i do understand that at that time my love for my wife was as strong as ever, just at that stage i needed to prioritise and stay well. I'm not saying that was fair, right or even the right decision but it was the only solution I had for life at that stage. 

As daft as it sounds, the thing that helped me through the most it was short letters from my wife she would leave on my desk. That were friendly, complimentary and reminded me that she cared.