Feeling very isolated and low

I feel so isolated and low. I am always excluded from things. I hate spending every evening by myself. I have tried to be good and kind to people but I am still excluded from things because I am just weird and unusual and people don't tend to like me. I have worked very hard to get a place at a good college and improve my physical/mental state but still I feel so excluded from everything. I even got banned from being anywhere near my partner's house because I had a meltdown outside and her housemates heard. I bought a rope the other day and spent the evening walking in the forest looking for somewhere to tie it. I'm feeling really low and have had bad experience with Crisis/MH team and not sure where to turn.Hel

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