Feeling very isolated and low

I feel so isolated and low. I am always excluded from things. I hate spending every evening by myself. I have tried to be good and kind to people but I am still excluded from things because I am just weird and unusual and people don't tend to like me. I have worked very hard to get a place at a good college and improve my physical/mental state but still I feel so excluded from everything. I even got banned from being anywhere near my partner's house because I had a meltdown outside and her housemates heard. I bought a rope the other day and spent the evening walking in the forest looking for somewhere to tie it. I'm feeling really low and have had bad experience with Crisis/MH team and not sure where to turn.Hel




Parents
  • Thanks for replying.

    I am scared about going to study. A new place and new people, with a new routine and new expectations. A very different life. I really want to do well, integrate and I'm worried I won't cope. Last time I went to study I ended up very unwell. I've had some really bad patches.

    I don't have any friends nearby. I have parents, my partner and my teachers. I never feel like I can phone anybody at any given time. I don't want to stress anybody.


    I do live away from my partner. At the moment she is really struggling to cope with how I am and that makes me feel sad.

    Getting banned from going to her place made me feel really excluded. 

    Times I have felt included have been when my teachers and mentors have included me in events and activities, introducing me to people and encouraging me.

  • I think I know what you mean about not wanting to phone people.  It's hard enough to say what you're feeling or thinking, and then you worry how they might react, and have to answer questions.  And then when you do steel yourself to phone someone, they're not there or don't answer, or want to talk about something else, leaving you feeling just as lonely!  I think it's better to tell people a little bit of what you're feeling than nothing at all.  I kind of compromise & find some people ask for more details, and others take the opportunity to avoid too much depth.

    I do think it's worth keeping in touch with your friends who don't live nearby. Maybe just say you're lonely and ask them what they're up to.

    It's good when you've had professional help that they've made you feel included.  Are your teachers and mentors able to help a bit more now with overcoming the isolation?

    There's a certain amount of 'acting as if'. If you face up to a social event, you can come away feeling more confident.  But in order to face up to it you have to act as if you already have that confidence. (Feel the fear and do it anyway.)  To do that is not dishonest.

    What is it about how you are at the moment that your partner is struggling with? So do you prefer if she comes to visit you or you go out together? May be a bit of an odd thing to write, but somehow I can tell you're a good person. Personally, I like 'weird' - it means different and interesting, and other people will appreciate that when they get to know you.

Reply
  • I think I know what you mean about not wanting to phone people.  It's hard enough to say what you're feeling or thinking, and then you worry how they might react, and have to answer questions.  And then when you do steel yourself to phone someone, they're not there or don't answer, or want to talk about something else, leaving you feeling just as lonely!  I think it's better to tell people a little bit of what you're feeling than nothing at all.  I kind of compromise & find some people ask for more details, and others take the opportunity to avoid too much depth.

    I do think it's worth keeping in touch with your friends who don't live nearby. Maybe just say you're lonely and ask them what they're up to.

    It's good when you've had professional help that they've made you feel included.  Are your teachers and mentors able to help a bit more now with overcoming the isolation?

    There's a certain amount of 'acting as if'. If you face up to a social event, you can come away feeling more confident.  But in order to face up to it you have to act as if you already have that confidence. (Feel the fear and do it anyway.)  To do that is not dishonest.

    What is it about how you are at the moment that your partner is struggling with? So do you prefer if she comes to visit you or you go out together? May be a bit of an odd thing to write, but somehow I can tell you're a good person. Personally, I like 'weird' - it means different and interesting, and other people will appreciate that when they get to know you.

Children
  • Great. I know it's difficult. Getting a good social life takes persistence and courage  - courage is being afraid, but trying something anyway. Maybe sometimes you could choose a 'neutral' in-between place to meet, like for a weekend country stroll? Just a thought. I'd also say: try to forget any setbacks, because some setbacks are inevitable, and move on to the next thing.

    Your very strong and convincing reason could be a real reason, but there are also strong reasons to go for something at least once - you never know what you're missing out on otherwise, and want to avoid any possible regret that you missed the opportunity.

    Sorry to hear about the meltdowns. I suppose I've been on the other side of this when someone has needed a lot of reassurance. I hope people understand and show you patience, and you can explain to them what you need. The only vague things I can suggest are (a) some kind of self-soothing behaviour, trying not to think too much, but just focus on a nice feeling or thought in itself; (b) learning some cognitive behaviour or stress reduction exercises.

    Do feel free to post more in this forum. I think people would be interested in what you're up to. Good luck.

  • Thanks. I will try getting in touch with some people I know that are a bit further away. I find travelling difficult and don't like to go a long way for an uncertain social encounter. But you are right, it is worth keeping in touch.

    My teachers are very kind and helpful. They have their own lives and are very busy at times. They try to involve me in things but often I chicken out if it involves travelling into the city.

    I'll have a go, I don't really get invited to social events. If I do, just like when my teachers invite me to an event, I find a reason not to go. It is usually a very strong and convincing reason!

    I ask a lot of questions, get very anxious, and lately my meltdowns got worse. And worst of all, when I'm at the beginning of a meltdown, I start asking lots and lots of very anxious questions in quick succession. Often these questions involve her and her intentions (or anybody I am having a meltdown around). I get a lot of guilt around meltdowns as I can see the effect it has on other people.