Hey, new and struggling...

Sorry about that Mr Scorpio!

Donnamo said:

Thanks ladies

That'll be 'Gentleman', in my case, Donna!

Thanks ladies, Friday night was really emotional for me but I think I really need it, I do feel like I'm grieving but hopefully from that I'll be able to start to pick myself up and start to move in the right direction. 

Ballerina said:

Yes, I can totally understand to the "grieving" bit , it was your commet of "the son you thought you had but never really did" bit that I disagreed with.  The "label" doesnt change anything. They still have exactly the same son that they will know better than anybody.

Ah, right, I see, and I completely agree with you.

I was simply stating why the grieving happens, not saying that one should for that reason.

But I do also think one shouldn't imply it's wrong to grieve.

Hi,

Yes, I can totally understand to the "grieving" bit , it was your commet of "the son you thought you had but never really did" bit that I disagreed with.  The "label" doesnt change anything. They still have exactly the same son that they will know better than anybody.

When I said there is no grieving to be had, I meant that, although people may grieve, in this instance, the parents should be relieved that they can now get the help they need.

Anyway, I am new to the forum and really don't want to get into an argument about this.  I am new to all this and may need your advice soon!

Ballerina said:

Sorry if I offend, but I totally disagree with the last comment from Scopion.  Of course you know your child! You definately still have the child you thought you had.  He is still the same little boy with all his same little quirks. There is no grieving to be had at all.

No offence taken.

This 'grieving' idea is not something I've just made up - it's the opinion of several very well respected Autism experts and councillers of parents of autistic children - for example, Dr Tony Attwood, to name but one.

You may well have handled it differently, but that doesn't mean that everybody will.

My 8 year old boy was diagnosed yesterday as having mild Aspergers.  We had pretty much guessed this for the last few years, but as it is mild it was quite hard to diagnosed. We didnt take him to the doctors for a while as the teachers, grandparents, friends always brushed away our concerns a little, although they themselves could understand where we were coming from.

Sorry if I offend, but I totally disagree with the last comment from Scopion.  Of course you know your child! You definately still have the child you thought you had.  He is still the same little boy with all his same little quirks. There is no grieving to be had at all.

We are not upset, because I suppose we gradually prepared ourselves for this by guessing from little things that he did.  I am so proud of my boy and truthfully wouldnt change him at all. 

I do feel a bit sad at the reality of it all, I suppose we hoped he may just grow out of his little things.  Knowing that these things will be with him for ever do scare me.

We only got him diagnosed for the same reason, to help with his education.

Try not to be sad, try to be positive, your little boy, who you know better than anyone, is now going to get the help and support that he deserves!

Hi Donnamo,

Firstly welcome to the forums.

And, don't worry, how you're feeling is a kind of grieving for the son you thought you had but never really did, is perfectly normal, and you will almost certainly get over it in time.

You're not the first, and won't be the last, to feel that way.