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Hello and .... help! Pls x

Big_Bird

Hi everyone

We have just recently received the diagnosis of Autism for my 7 year old son (youngest of four children: 2 girls 24 and 22; two boys 10 and 7).  Whilst I have suspected for sometime now (against some gp's judgement) the formal diagnosis has still come as a shock - actually hearing your suspicions are correct.  I know many of you have felt the same.

I've joined this community in an effort to learn much more about Autism, the child, the siblings and the parents - a steep learning curve is coming on. My 10 year old is finding the youngest to be more and more infuriating to the point that he is becoming unusually aggresive towards him, withdrawn and even started bedwetting.  I've arranged counselling for him via his school and hopefully this will help.  But any advice that other well-weathered parents can give will be appreciated.

I am concerned for both my sons and want to give them both the best chances in life but right now am at a loss as to what else to try.

I look forward to hearing from many of you and will also be having a go nose around to read others' experiences.

Kindest

Sam

Parents

  • Hi Sam,

    I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome last year aged 17, and I have a younger sister who like your boys, is three years younger than me. I'm afraid from personal experience I've NEVER gotten on with my sister, shes loud, obnoxious, bratty, and everytime she lashes out at me I instinctively hit back, only I get yelled at most because she's got the screaming/crying act mastered. Seriously, I jab her in the side half heartedly, she screams as though I've just taken a crowbar to her skull.

    The problem is because shes 'normal' and the youngest, and both my parents were younger siblings growing up, they overlook her behaviour or in my dads case (who I choose not to see anymore) try to make an example out of me regardless of my diagnosis to keep her in line. She always insults me about how 'un-girly' I am even after my diagnosis.

    Watch out for the symptoms:

    -The youngest may be constantly nearby your eldest even if your eldest has gone to great lengths to avoid them.

    - I know it may be annoying but to avoid it coming to blows train your eldest to start yelling 'GO AWAY' whenever he gets frustrated with his little brother so at least you've got the chance to intervene before it comes to blows. I believe this is the only reason I haven't given my sister a black eye yet.

    -Most of the time, the youngest lies. My sister has teased/wound me up/bullied me in front of her friends for years by 'having a laugh' or through 'harmless jokes'. Well, no one told me they were harmless. Ask your eldest to try and identify what annoys him most about his little bro and please, understand these sort of things may seem stupid but they are DEEPLY hurtful. I suffered from depression for years as a result of this sort of teasing brought home repeatedly by my sister.

    -Try and teach your youngest about 'space bubbles'. That means, don't let him go within a certain perimetre of your son. I get ratty and defensive the second my sister gets within two metres of me. Sometimes she still tries to corner me or get into my personal space to annoy me, which causes me to lash out before I can even comprehend what I'm doing.

    -EVERYONE must knock before going into bedrooms. I have nearly shut my sisters hand in my bedroom door when I've tried to escape from her only to have her charge into my room mouthing off at me. A knock gives me the chance to start yelling, which attracts my mums attention to try and diffuse the situation.

    I hope this helps.

    Katie

Reply

  • Hi Sam,

    I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome last year aged 17, and I have a younger sister who like your boys, is three years younger than me. I'm afraid from personal experience I've NEVER gotten on with my sister, shes loud, obnoxious, bratty, and everytime she lashes out at me I instinctively hit back, only I get yelled at most because she's got the screaming/crying act mastered. Seriously, I jab her in the side half heartedly, she screams as though I've just taken a crowbar to her skull.

    The problem is because shes 'normal' and the youngest, and both my parents were younger siblings growing up, they overlook her behaviour or in my dads case (who I choose not to see anymore) try to make an example out of me regardless of my diagnosis to keep her in line. She always insults me about how 'un-girly' I am even after my diagnosis.

    Watch out for the symptoms:

    -The youngest may be constantly nearby your eldest even if your eldest has gone to great lengths to avoid them.

    - I know it may be annoying but to avoid it coming to blows train your eldest to start yelling 'GO AWAY' whenever he gets frustrated with his little brother so at least you've got the chance to intervene before it comes to blows. I believe this is the only reason I haven't given my sister a black eye yet.

    -Most of the time, the youngest lies. My sister has teased/wound me up/bullied me in front of her friends for years by 'having a laugh' or through 'harmless jokes'. Well, no one told me they were harmless. Ask your eldest to try and identify what annoys him most about his little bro and please, understand these sort of things may seem stupid but they are DEEPLY hurtful. I suffered from depression for years as a result of this sort of teasing brought home repeatedly by my sister.

    -Try and teach your youngest about 'space bubbles'. That means, don't let him go within a certain perimetre of your son. I get ratty and defensive the second my sister gets within two metres of me. Sometimes she still tries to corner me or get into my personal space to annoy me, which causes me to lash out before I can even comprehend what I'm doing.

    -EVERYONE must knock before going into bedrooms. I have nearly shut my sisters hand in my bedroom door when I've tried to escape from her only to have her charge into my room mouthing off at me. A knock gives me the chance to start yelling, which attracts my mums attention to try and diffuse the situation.

    I hope this helps.

    Katie

Children
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