Hello and .... help! Pls x

Hi everyone

We have just recently received the diagnosis of Autism for my 7 year old son (youngest of four children: 2 girls 24 and 22; two boys 10 and 7).  Whilst I have suspected for sometime now (against some gp's judgement) the formal diagnosis has still come as a shock - actually hearing your suspicions are correct.  I know many of you have felt the same.

I've joined this community in an effort to learn much more about Autism, the child, the siblings and the parents - a steep learning curve is coming on. My 10 year old is finding the youngest to be more and more infuriating to the point that he is becoming unusually aggresive towards him, withdrawn and even started bedwetting.  I've arranged counselling for him via his school and hopefully this will help.  But any advice that other well-weathered parents can give will be appreciated.

I am concerned for both my sons and want to give them both the best chances in life but right now am at a loss as to what else to try.

I look forward to hearing from many of you and will also be having a go nose around to read others' experiences.

Kindest

Sam

  • Hello everyone

    I just wanted to add a link an information booklet called "After diagnosis" for parents/carers of newly diagnosed children:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/diagnosis-the-process-for-children/after-diagnosis.aspx

    It contains information about further sources of advice and help available.

    There's also a version for adults with autism in case anyone else reading here is interested:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis/diagnosis-information-for-partners/after-diagnosis.aspx

    I can identify with how you're feeling, it takes a while to get your head around but at least you're well on your way.

    Good luck.

    Sandra - mod

  • Hi

    We have just in the last week rxd my sons diagnosis and like the lady above for the last five yrs have known deep in my heart what was wrong but when u get the diagnosis after a five year slog to get people to actually listen especially school it has smacked me in the face im struggling at the moment as im a single mum i have another son who is younger and the amount of emotional stress i feel at times with the fighting and arguing really is hard to take, just now taken it as it comes i just want the help that my son is entitled to as they are both such amazing children .

     

  • Hi Sam,

    I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome last year aged 17, and I have a younger sister who like your boys, is three years younger than me. I'm afraid from personal experience I've NEVER gotten on with my sister, shes loud, obnoxious, bratty, and everytime she lashes out at me I instinctively hit back, only I get yelled at most because she's got the screaming/crying act mastered. Seriously, I jab her in the side half heartedly, she screams as though I've just taken a crowbar to her skull.

    The problem is because shes 'normal' and the youngest, and both my parents were younger siblings growing up, they overlook her behaviour or in my dads case (who I choose not to see anymore) try to make an example out of me regardless of my diagnosis to keep her in line. She always insults me about how 'un-girly' I am even after my diagnosis.

    Watch out for the symptoms:

    -The youngest may be constantly nearby your eldest even if your eldest has gone to great lengths to avoid them.

    - I know it may be annoying but to avoid it coming to blows train your eldest to start yelling 'GO AWAY' whenever he gets frustrated with his little brother so at least you've got the chance to intervene before it comes to blows. I believe this is the only reason I haven't given my sister a black eye yet.

    -Most of the time, the youngest lies. My sister has teased/wound me up/bullied me in front of her friends for years by 'having a laugh' or through 'harmless jokes'. Well, no one told me they were harmless. Ask your eldest to try and identify what annoys him most about his little bro and please, understand these sort of things may seem stupid but they are DEEPLY hurtful. I suffered from depression for years as a result of this sort of teasing brought home repeatedly by my sister.

    -Try and teach your youngest about 'space bubbles'. That means, don't let him go within a certain perimetre of your son. I get ratty and defensive the second my sister gets within two metres of me. Sometimes she still tries to corner me or get into my personal space to annoy me, which causes me to lash out before I can even comprehend what I'm doing.

    -EVERYONE must knock before going into bedrooms. I have nearly shut my sisters hand in my bedroom door when I've tried to escape from her only to have her charge into my room mouthing off at me. A knock gives me the chance to start yelling, which attracts my mums attention to try and diffuse the situation.

    I hope this helps.

    Katie

  • Hi Sam

    Thanks for posting.  Obviously receiving a diagnosis is a shock but not the end of the world.  It is very much a case of taking each day at a time and slowly.  It is difficult to give you specific advice because I don't know how your son is but maybe if you let us have some specific examples people may be able to help. 

    Please make sure you look after yourself as well because you could struggle  to cope if you are not feeling well and ready to face whatever lies ahead.  

    On a personal note, we were told that my son would never leave home or work or live independently however he has just finished his first year at university without any major problems and it has really given him huge confidence in his own ability.  We are really proud, and frankly amazed, at what he has achieved.  

    Take care 

    Colincat - mod