Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi guys, thanks for having me on this forum. I'll keep this as brief as possible. I'm not sure if I may have a very high functioning form of autism. I hope I'm just being a hypochondriac, but I just don't understand myself and the world around me and I'm getting quite tired of it all and I'd like to know if there is an answer...
I wonder if it is true based on the following;
-Happy to be alone as a young child for hours at a time.
-Have continuously made faux pas in social scenarios throughout my life - and continue to misjudge situations. I seem to keep "missing" things, signs and body language (I even have a t-shirt about it!).
-In order to get by, I have had to "manually" learn many, many things. I feel like there's always been a "barrier" between me and the world. I have a couple of friends and that's pretty much it.
-People tell my partner that I am really formal. I think that I also pick unusual and strange topics of conversation - although I can't be sure if that's anxiety.
-Display avoidant behaviours when it comes to many basic tasks (such as getting out of my car, going for a shower, completing tasks in work/academia, agreeing to do things my girlfriend wants or sometimes also eating) and I default to not taking responsibility for my behaviour, which drives my partner insane and I don't know why I do it. A possible display of PDA?
-Have genetic history. My cousins (mother's side) have autism.
-I have a repetitive diet, often eating the same meals everyday for months without getting bored - although it does happen eventually.
-Socialising - particularly if extended - is EXHAUSTING to me.
-Scored 37 on the Barren-Cohen autism/aspergers test.
-Struggled to hold down full time employment. In fact, have never really been able to and I am anxious about how I will cope with this in the future as I have been able to put it off until now (29 years old male).
-Academically gifted (Oxford TSA score's words) but I have continuously failed to engage with my academic programmes - attending about five lectures in two years and less thsn twenty in four years (although I still hold a 2:1 degree).
Am I just being crazy?
Thanks in advance for any advice. I know it must be tedious reading all of these kind of posts...!
I think you are autistic. I think I am autistic.
NAS37022 said:Happy to be alone as a young child for hours at a time.
I always prefer to be alone and I would have been very happy to be alone as a young child. Unfortunately, I was forced to be around people. As in the employment I am forced to be around people all the time. Which is exhausting. I spend the time outside the employment to be alone.
NAS37022 said:Have continuously made faux pas in social scenarios throughout my life - and continue to misjudge situations. I seem to keep "missing" things, signs and body language (I even have a t-shirt about it!).
I am the same. Now I simply avoid social situations altogether. I do not know much the body language. I do not look at people when talking to them.
NAS37022 said:In order to get by, I have had to "manually" learn many, many things. I feel like there's always been a "barrier" between me and the world. I have a couple of friends and that's pretty much it.
The same here, except, I struggle with having any friend.
NAS37022 said:People tell my partner that I am really formal. I think that I also pick unusual and strange topics of conversation - although I can't be sure if that's anxiety.
I am also really formal. In all situations.
NAS37022 said:I have a repetitive diet, often eating the same meals everyday for months without getting bored - although it does happen eventually.
The same here. I love to eat the same food for months without getting bored. Then, eventually, after months of the same food I switch to something else and then months eat that one.
NAS37022 said:Socialising - particularly if extended - is EXHAUSTING to me.
Socializing is also exhausting to me. After, the extended one I often feel completely empty.
NAS37022 said:Struggled to hold down full time employment. In fact, have never really been able to and I am anxious about how I will cope with this in the future as I have been able to put it off until now (29 years old male).
I also struggle in full time employment with several things. I am very unhappy. I am anxious often there. I just keep suffering. My health is going down. I do not know what to do. I have no choice but to keep going until I collapse.
NAS37022 said:Academically gifted (Oxford TSA score's words) but I have continuously failed to engage with my academic programmes - attending about five lectures in two years and less thsn twenty in four years (although I still hold a 2:1 degree).
I was also bright and I still am but I current employment does not care much about autism and almost nothing has been adjusted for autism at all. So, I cannot grow in an environment like that. I feel stuck. I struggled in school and University a lot. Mostly, because of the people around making noises and noises in general everywhere. It was difficult to focus. Often, the places also were too bright. With the right support I would really good.
It is amazing to read that out there is someone similar to me. When I was younger I thought that I am the only one with the struggles.
It is helpful to know that I am not the only one.
You are lucky that you have a partner. I wish I had an understanding and caring partner.
I'm sorry to hear that. :( I hope you find the answers to hekp clarify things for you...!