It's a miracle I got in

I can only second what people are saying here. The day I was diagnosed was a big turning point for me too. It gave me closure on a lot of things and avenues to deal with them. Did you channel your obsessions and compuslsions into art? It helps me immensely.

Art and expression do seem to be a common thing in the ASD community. I have music. I had an ex who had ASD who was an artist and film maker. Funnily enough I didn't get my diagnosis until 15 years after we split up. We shared an eye for detail which made watching film and stage productions a shared interest.

I'd try and get a diagnosis. It might answer a few questions for you.

I do hear what you are saying Cloudy Mountain. Now that there is not the inability to deal with it that came from family, it would be easier to do it for myself and keep the  knowledge  to myself or not,, delending. It eoukdbe difficult where I am though. And there is a lot more prejudice and stigma against what seems to be anything like mental illness here. I outgrew the most extreme things of my childhood which would have stood out as "not normal.' I was obsessed with letters of the alphabet, numbers, says of the week, there was the speech delay, massive tantrums, oppositional behaviour.

I still get massively stressed in certain situationsa s stated before. Delays where trying to get somewhere, airport, metro being closed, being crowded in. Dealing with bureaucrats who may hold significant power over me such as employment in the past, residency rights can also bring out the worst in me.

But I cannot report the massive sensory issues some do here though. And I have been in work continually since emigrating and am in a long-term relationship.

I know I still occasionally get told I am rather weird and strange and always felt 'different,' etc etc. I

I did get an an formal diagnosis from an old friend who happened to be a consultant psychiatrist. She told me I 'had done very well.'

In painting I can experiment a great deal with pattern, reflective surfaces and I hope, communicate something to others too. I have always had plenty of other special interests too.

Trust me on this, there is a massive stigma about mental illness and ASD in my community and social group. The thing that really irks me about my particular situation is that when I was just "crazy", I was considered useful and fun. Since I've been diagnosed I'm far more calm and together but I'm seen as weak and dumb. Some people have shunned me outright. Some are family too.

I hadn't been out in a few years and I decided to go out with an old friend as my anxiety has been low lately. All night he hustled money out of me. He'd have never tried it before my diagnosis. I confronted him (politely!) about it on the way home. He said "See I knew I shouldn't go out with you, because you are like THAT!". I asked him what he meant and he said "Autistic" with a big *** eating grin on his face, within about 3 seconds I had him pinned to the taxi seat, I rattled off every instance of what he'd scammed out of my pocket and what I thought of him. I then got him to pay every penny back. He thought he was going to take advantage of me because all of a sudden I'd become "retarded" in his eyes. My mom's friends all talk to me now like I can't even open up a tin of beans, for the past 20 years they've been coming to me for financial and legal advice! I've had countless instances of underhanded comments. A few instances of outright pisstaking and aggression. I'm not weak or dumb, so I dealt with them pretty efficiently. A few times it's come from my own father, but how do I deal with that!

I've only told a few people but it's spread like wildfire. I live around a lot of ignorant people. There are the people who are "Daily Mail readers", lol, and the others that are "Guardian readers", lol again! The latter are either mocking or dismissive, the former are patronising or want to appear compassionate. Both are equally irritating and ignorant. I'm still the same person. "Crazy" was OK but Autistic, nah, not so much.

Anyway enough of my ranting! None of my childhood traits have disappeared that I can tell. I've always stimmed, had an obsession with certain things, OCD behaviours and I'm also very uncompromising in certain situations. My temper is pretty good but when I do lose it, it's quite destructive. Lol, the part about bureacrats is very, very, similar to me. Very! The sorts of situations I imagine you mean still get me riled years after they've played out!

I have terrible sensory problems, on the flipside of that though I also have wonderful sensory experiences. I've worked most my life though and held down a few long term relationships.

I like art too. I can't draw, paint or design for *** but I can appreciate it! My release is music. I love programming synths, probably more than actually making a piece of music unfortunately! Creation is cathartic!

Bit of a ranty post but trust me the UK can be very ignorant too!

Sorry I didn't reply earlier, I'm not getting notifications from this thread or I'm still a bit new at using this forum. I've had debt problems too but that was due to alcohol and drug abuse. I worked my way to promotions and better jobs, paid off all my debts but was still numbing my mind for years. Mainly to dull my senses. My senses are basically my main symptom. I'm learning to cope though.

Mortgage and exortionate taxes nearly bankrupted me a couple of times but it is good to be beyond that now. Deferring my gratification and all that, though it was thankess enough at the time. I am  not sorry for not having married either.

"Mentally subnormal" is hardly going to instill confidence in any child or parent! I was considered "normal" until senior school. Then came the tests and the persecution! I too was considered bright but had "abnormal behaviour". The educational psycholgist said there was nothing wrong with me except boredom. I got expelled 2 months from the end of school, great! All the high expectations were dashed!

I've been engaged twice but alas I'm still single. Looking back I'm glad I never got married, it would never have worked. Getting married, having to get a mortgage and probably have kids, then having to look back with guilt at the wreckage is something I don't regret!

I was tested at 4 because there were fears I might be mentally subnormal (lovely expression) but I wasn't, I was above average intelligence. The school psychologist whistled at some results he got for me at 11. So there were very high expectations I would go far, but also these other fears.....just seemed to me no one had any faith at all on the other hand. I think it was hoped I would get safely married off in a safe little job and the Daily Mail would fill in all the gaps where my infamous lack of social intuition the shrink warned them about would remind me of my place in the world.

Lowlife is a very polite way of describing the little runt! Oh I spelt that wrong.......

I don't understand it with my family. We've got a few schizophrenics, alcholics and all types of people with "problems". I've got a nice amount of dirt to throw back if I need to. The schizophrenics can't help it but some of the others can help what they are doing, and I'll remind them if I need to. I'm always polite and helpful to them, that's what is the thing that gets to me with the people that have been *****. They are just weak people trying to claw power from something because they have issues. It's not about grudges.

It sounds like those people criticizing you for art, goth style and art aspirations wanted you to be some kind of vicarious avatar. If someone has a talent they are interested in it should be encouraged, if anything. I'd rather see someone be persuing something that is making them happy, than grinding out a living doing something they hate. Marriage isn't a race either. I know people who married just for the sake of it who hate each other and are more than happy to put that stuff on their kids. Living for other peoples expectations is one of the most dangerous things you can do.

I hope they saw a happy you when you next saw them!

Oh I forgot that song!RIP Ian Dury! Didn't know that Sly and Robbie played on that song! They must have made a lot of money that year, Ian Dury, Grace Jones and all the reggae they produced!

Ah please don’t apologise, I just meant hard to read as you’ve been through a lot.  The twins are very happy boys it’s early days. Take care x

Thanks for your kind words. Sorry if anything I wrote was a bit alarming in relation to your twins. I guess life can throw anything at people regardless of their condition. My post was a bit negative in a few aspects, I just got on a stream of conciousness rant! I've also had positive experiences since being diagnosed. Some friends have been very good to me. Some family too, most in fact. Understanding about ASD is progressing everyday and support too. Don't fear for them, things are moving fast! All the best to you and your twins! 

https://youtu.be/6isXNVdguI8

Oh and here's one for the compassionate and patronising brigade. 

Cloudy Mountains

Kudos in spades to you for kicking the c**p out of that lowlife!! 

I got that attitude from my family in a more veiled way after the issue reared its head after questions were being asked about someone else in the family. All of a sudden I was living in a dream world about my art aspirations, wasn't married and dressed goth because I was some kind of retard! ! It all lead ultimately to a massive falling out because it was still assumed after returning to the UK I still didn't want a job. I did not see them again for more than two years.

Hi there I found this hard to read and think your an absolute inspiration. 

I have 3 year old twins who have asd recently diagnosed, I worry about their future 

Hi there I found this hard to read and think your an absolute inspiration. 

I have 3 year old twins who have asd recently diagnosed, I worry about their future 

Ah please don’t apologise, I just meant hard to read as you’ve been through a lot.  The twins are very happy boys it’s early days. Take care x

Thanks for your kind words. Sorry if anything I wrote was a bit alarming in relation to your twins. I guess life can throw anything at people regardless of their condition. My post was a bit negative in a few aspects, I just got on a stream of conciousness rant! I've also had positive experiences since being diagnosed. Some friends have been very good to me. Some family too, most in fact. Understanding about ASD is progressing everyday and support too. Don't fear for them, things are moving fast! All the best to you and your twins!