Hi, newbie from Derbyshire

Hi, I am mum to 3 girls, my eldest daughter is 13 years old and in Year 9, and just been diagnosed with Aspergers.  I have known since she was 2 that something wasn't quite right and been up and down to our GP all this time fighting for referrals.  At last I feel exonerated that I am not a rubbish mum but am gutted at the diagnosis, however, also slightly relieved.  It has been explained to her but I am not sure if she has taken it on board.  She knows she is different from her peers, she recognises her extremely high anxiety and does have counselling for this now at school.  She has one very close friend, but struggles to have more than one friend at a time but tries very hard to fit in and mask her difficulties.  She is an absolute perfectionsit, an extremely high achiever and if doesn't get 100% will resit the test to be top of the class.  Second isn't an option for her, the words "that will do" never pass her lips.  She want perfection in her appearance too, and gets extremely upset and angry if her hair won't go right in the morning or she can't brush her teeth for her normal timed 3 minutes.  She needs more support than my 5 year old and tries to control the household.  She is bullied at school as she comes across very much the victim, has avoidance behaviour, won't talk to anyone in authority, and is frightened of her own shadow much of the time.  Her dad is struggling to come to terms with her diagnosis and tries to put it down to adolesence and bad behaviour.  I would love to talk to anyone who has a teenage girls with Aspergers as feel extremely isolated and struggle to understand her, she is much loved by the whole family, but boy is she testing !

Parents
  • Hi kezercorn, billy,

    Your posts have really made me smile. My daughter too is very gifted musically and also very funny although she wouldrather die than get up on a stage! When she was in nursery she was chosen for a lead role in the nativity. After the first rehearsal she came home and explained to me that she would rather be an angel, when I asked why she explain that they were 'in the background ' and that's been her story so far, she trys to make herself as invisible as possible. I wonder if thats why she demands so much attention at home! 

    The whole shopping for clothes I totally get my heart sinks when the new seasons come around. She was having a meltdown in a shop this week exclaiming 'why does my body feel so wrong in clothes' I felt so sorry for her and myself for having to manage this! How awful must it be to always feel uncomfortable. 

    My hope for her is that she will eventually see her own worth and value, she has so much to contribute in the bigger picture it's good for the human race that some of us have the ability to view the world from a slightly different angle, not so good if you are just trying to fit in with everyone else. 

    We love our daughters, we might not always understand them, and as frustrating as it can be at times I'm just glad she was born into our family!

    Any tips from other aspie girls on how I can manage my daughters feeling would be very much appreciated! Sometimes I just don't know what I'm doing! :)

Reply
  • Hi kezercorn, billy,

    Your posts have really made me smile. My daughter too is very gifted musically and also very funny although she wouldrather die than get up on a stage! When she was in nursery she was chosen for a lead role in the nativity. After the first rehearsal she came home and explained to me that she would rather be an angel, when I asked why she explain that they were 'in the background ' and that's been her story so far, she trys to make herself as invisible as possible. I wonder if thats why she demands so much attention at home! 

    The whole shopping for clothes I totally get my heart sinks when the new seasons come around. She was having a meltdown in a shop this week exclaiming 'why does my body feel so wrong in clothes' I felt so sorry for her and myself for having to manage this! How awful must it be to always feel uncomfortable. 

    My hope for her is that she will eventually see her own worth and value, she has so much to contribute in the bigger picture it's good for the human race that some of us have the ability to view the world from a slightly different angle, not so good if you are just trying to fit in with everyone else. 

    We love our daughters, we might not always understand them, and as frustrating as it can be at times I'm just glad she was born into our family!

    Any tips from other aspie girls on how I can manage my daughters feeling would be very much appreciated! Sometimes I just don't know what I'm doing! :)

Children
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