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Hi, newbie from Derbyshire

Billy

Hi, I am mum to 3 girls, my eldest daughter is 13 years old and in Year 9, and just been diagnosed with Aspergers.  I have known since she was 2 that something wasn't quite right and been up and down to our GP all this time fighting for referrals.  At last I feel exonerated that I am not a rubbish mum but am gutted at the diagnosis, however, also slightly relieved.  It has been explained to her but I am not sure if she has taken it on board.  She knows she is different from her peers, she recognises her extremely high anxiety and does have counselling for this now at school.  She has one very close friend, but struggles to have more than one friend at a time but tries very hard to fit in and mask her difficulties.  She is an absolute perfectionsit, an extremely high achiever and if doesn't get 100% will resit the test to be top of the class.  Second isn't an option for her, the words "that will do" never pass her lips.  She want perfection in her appearance too, and gets extremely upset and angry if her hair won't go right in the morning or she can't brush her teeth for her normal timed 3 minutes.  She needs more support than my 5 year old and tries to control the household.  She is bullied at school as she comes across very much the victim, has avoidance behaviour, won't talk to anyone in authority, and is frightened of her own shadow much of the time.  Her dad is struggling to come to terms with her diagnosis and tries to put it down to adolesence and bad behaviour.  I would love to talk to anyone who has a teenage girls with Aspergers as feel extremely isolated and struggle to understand her, she is much loved by the whole family, but boy is she testing !

Parents

  • Hi Billy and Logic

    It's so true about the transition to secondary school, there are things that I thought would be problematic and yet it's been very positive.We were advised  by the speech therapist to keep my daughter  at nursery an extra year which has worked out really well because she isn't as mature as the kids in her class let alone the ones the year above where she should be. 

    My girl's a brilliant actress too , she's always done these incredible impressions of people,  which have us in stitches. Although she is  very anxious about new social situations like joining a theatre group  or going to a friend's house where there will be someone she doesn't know, she also can be incredibly open and warm in shops or cafés. Infact I'm convinced this openess is learned or mimicked, sometimes she can be completely over the top in thanking someone in a café she says things like "that burger was the most exquisite, delicious yummy burger I have ever tasted in my whole life , thankyou so, so much!" and she'll say the same thing every week. The baker says she's never met anyone like her. Now I feel guilty talking about her in this way, it's difficult isn't it ? There are so many incidences every day of slightly odd behaviour or sometimes major meltdowns ,that as mothers we know are due to the Asperger's aspect and yet you can't express it. Here in Italy there's no acknowledgment of Asperger's, none of the teachers have even heard of it. 

     Don't feel bad about sharing the latest trauma, I'm saying this to myself too, it's a  huge thing carrying it all, especially if partners are not that clued up about Asperger's, your stories are just so familiar! She sounds a remarkable kid.  What about buying clothes or shoes, total nightmare ! My daughter almost physically attacks me as I hand her clothes through the changing room door! We can save that for another post.

    Good Luck with everything

    Kezercorn 

Reply

  • Hi Billy and Logic

    It's so true about the transition to secondary school, there are things that I thought would be problematic and yet it's been very positive.We were advised  by the speech therapist to keep my daughter  at nursery an extra year which has worked out really well because she isn't as mature as the kids in her class let alone the ones the year above where she should be. 

    My girl's a brilliant actress too , she's always done these incredible impressions of people,  which have us in stitches. Although she is  very anxious about new social situations like joining a theatre group  or going to a friend's house where there will be someone she doesn't know, she also can be incredibly open and warm in shops or cafés. Infact I'm convinced this openess is learned or mimicked, sometimes she can be completely over the top in thanking someone in a café she says things like "that burger was the most exquisite, delicious yummy burger I have ever tasted in my whole life , thankyou so, so much!" and she'll say the same thing every week. The baker says she's never met anyone like her. Now I feel guilty talking about her in this way, it's difficult isn't it ? There are so many incidences every day of slightly odd behaviour or sometimes major meltdowns ,that as mothers we know are due to the Asperger's aspect and yet you can't express it. Here in Italy there's no acknowledgment of Asperger's, none of the teachers have even heard of it. 

     Don't feel bad about sharing the latest trauma, I'm saying this to myself too, it's a  huge thing carrying it all, especially if partners are not that clued up about Asperger's, your stories are just so familiar! She sounds a remarkable kid.  What about buying clothes or shoes, total nightmare ! My daughter almost physically attacks me as I hand her clothes through the changing room door! We can save that for another post.

    Good Luck with everything

    Kezercorn 

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