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Hi, newbie from Derbyshire

Billy

Hi, I am mum to 3 girls, my eldest daughter is 13 years old and in Year 9, and just been diagnosed with Aspergers.  I have known since she was 2 that something wasn't quite right and been up and down to our GP all this time fighting for referrals.  At last I feel exonerated that I am not a rubbish mum but am gutted at the diagnosis, however, also slightly relieved.  It has been explained to her but I am not sure if she has taken it on board.  She knows she is different from her peers, she recognises her extremely high anxiety and does have counselling for this now at school.  She has one very close friend, but struggles to have more than one friend at a time but tries very hard to fit in and mask her difficulties.  She is an absolute perfectionsit, an extremely high achiever and if doesn't get 100% will resit the test to be top of the class.  Second isn't an option for her, the words "that will do" never pass her lips.  She want perfection in her appearance too, and gets extremely upset and angry if her hair won't go right in the morning or she can't brush her teeth for her normal timed 3 minutes.  She needs more support than my 5 year old and tries to control the household.  She is bullied at school as she comes across very much the victim, has avoidance behaviour, won't talk to anyone in authority, and is frightened of her own shadow much of the time.  Her dad is struggling to come to terms with her diagnosis and tries to put it down to adolesence and bad behaviour.  I would love to talk to anyone who has a teenage girls with Aspergers as feel extremely isolated and struggle to understand her, she is much loved by the whole family, but boy is she testing !

Parents

  • Hi again, and hello to Logic!  My daughters transition to secondary school was relatively easy.  She certainly surprises us in all sorts of ways, what we think she will struggle with she sometimes takes in her stride.  However, as she has gone on - year 9 now, I think her differences socially are becoming more apparent.  She tries to fit in and takes social clues from her friends, she is desperate to be normal (but what is normal?!) and I think thats why she has masked it all so well.  Her classmates are beginning to see that she is different, she has certainly been bullied more this year which is heartbreaking as she wouldn't hurt a fly and hasn't the courage to stand up for herself.  Girls with aspergers present so differently from boys with aspergers and that is why they are usually not diagnosed until mid teens.  She has had a boyfriend for 8 months (tho at her age more of a friend which I am glad of!) but is constantly asking me what she should say to him, talk to him about, text him, where they should go etc etc.  He is very much like her thank goodness! Thought I would share with you yesterdays trauma, she has been banging on and on about getting her hair cut a bit shorter so I booked her in and took her to the hairdressers.  We sat outside in the car and she cried because she was so anxious about whether it was the right thing to do and should she do it.  I said it was her decision and it wasn't the end of the world if she didnt like it cos it would grow.  So she went ahead, had no more than an inch taken off the length and was gutted, hates it, didn't sleep well last night for worrying about it, was trying to "pull it" this morning to make it longer and was cross that I made her have it cut!!!!  Her dad can't even tell she has had it cut but to her its the end of the world.  She refused to have her photo taken this morning for her passport  because of it at which point my husband lost his temper.  It is so hard .....  Anyway enough of my ramblings, saying all this about her makes me feel guilty as she is a very talented singer, won many competitions, has just finished filming a docu-drama for discovery channel and has an audition this weekend for a BBC workshop.  When she is on stage she is like a different child. I keep telling her, if there were no aspie people in the world we would all still be living in caves! 

Reply

  • Hi again, and hello to Logic!  My daughters transition to secondary school was relatively easy.  She certainly surprises us in all sorts of ways, what we think she will struggle with she sometimes takes in her stride.  However, as she has gone on - year 9 now, I think her differences socially are becoming more apparent.  She tries to fit in and takes social clues from her friends, she is desperate to be normal (but what is normal?!) and I think thats why she has masked it all so well.  Her classmates are beginning to see that she is different, she has certainly been bullied more this year which is heartbreaking as she wouldn't hurt a fly and hasn't the courage to stand up for herself.  Girls with aspergers present so differently from boys with aspergers and that is why they are usually not diagnosed until mid teens.  She has had a boyfriend for 8 months (tho at her age more of a friend which I am glad of!) but is constantly asking me what she should say to him, talk to him about, text him, where they should go etc etc.  He is very much like her thank goodness! Thought I would share with you yesterdays trauma, she has been banging on and on about getting her hair cut a bit shorter so I booked her in and took her to the hairdressers.  We sat outside in the car and she cried because she was so anxious about whether it was the right thing to do and should she do it.  I said it was her decision and it wasn't the end of the world if she didnt like it cos it would grow.  So she went ahead, had no more than an inch taken off the length and was gutted, hates it, didn't sleep well last night for worrying about it, was trying to "pull it" this morning to make it longer and was cross that I made her have it cut!!!!  Her dad can't even tell she has had it cut but to her its the end of the world.  She refused to have her photo taken this morning for her passport  because of it at which point my husband lost his temper.  It is so hard .....  Anyway enough of my ramblings, saying all this about her makes me feel guilty as she is a very talented singer, won many competitions, has just finished filming a docu-drama for discovery channel and has an audition this weekend for a BBC workshop.  When she is on stage she is like a different child. I keep telling her, if there were no aspie people in the world we would all still be living in caves! 

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