Hi, newbie from Derbyshire

Hi, I am mum to 3 girls, my eldest daughter is 13 years old and in Year 9, and just been diagnosed with Aspergers.  I have known since she was 2 that something wasn't quite right and been up and down to our GP all this time fighting for referrals.  At last I feel exonerated that I am not a rubbish mum but am gutted at the diagnosis, however, also slightly relieved.  It has been explained to her but I am not sure if she has taken it on board.  She knows she is different from her peers, she recognises her extremely high anxiety and does have counselling for this now at school.  She has one very close friend, but struggles to have more than one friend at a time but tries very hard to fit in and mask her difficulties.  She is an absolute perfectionsit, an extremely high achiever and if doesn't get 100% will resit the test to be top of the class.  Second isn't an option for her, the words "that will do" never pass her lips.  She want perfection in her appearance too, and gets extremely upset and angry if her hair won't go right in the morning or she can't brush her teeth for her normal timed 3 minutes.  She needs more support than my 5 year old and tries to control the household.  She is bullied at school as she comes across very much the victim, has avoidance behaviour, won't talk to anyone in authority, and is frightened of her own shadow much of the time.  Her dad is struggling to come to terms with her diagnosis and tries to put it down to adolesence and bad behaviour.  I would love to talk to anyone who has a teenage girls with Aspergers as feel extremely isolated and struggle to understand her, she is much loved by the whole family, but boy is she testing !

Parents
  • Hi Logic

    It is extraordinary when you start sharing experiences with other families how similar our situations are. It's great to know there is a community out there who understands because mostly dear friends, relatives and quite a few  professionals can't see it and in a well meaning way dismiss behavioural problems as phases or stages of development. I really regret not trying harder for a diagnosis when my daughter was younger. She simply marches to a different beat and there are distinct traits that here in Italy are not being picked up.

    The best of luck to you, I'm not hopeful about getting a diagnosis here I think the UK is  much more ahead. It's great your daughter's teacher, social worker and school nurse are on board that's already a massive support.

    I think the major issues are about dealing with the anxiety and alienation. My girl is very musical she plays the harp and flute and sang in a choir until last year so we tried to get her into the music class of our local secondary and it's great she's met some really focused kids like herself, though the change and the demands have brought out some ocd.The stress and anxiety needs to be managed and at times it really does get too much. She's also questioning why she's so different, I'm lost for answers at times . It's critical that she maintains a positive image of herself and  that the ocd doesn't get out of hand. She asked me the other day if she is mad! Help!

    Adolescence is difficult for most kids but especially for highly functional Aperger's who have zero support or guidance and slip through the net.

    As we say in Italy take courage,

    Best wishes Kezercorn

Reply
  • Hi Logic

    It is extraordinary when you start sharing experiences with other families how similar our situations are. It's great to know there is a community out there who understands because mostly dear friends, relatives and quite a few  professionals can't see it and in a well meaning way dismiss behavioural problems as phases or stages of development. I really regret not trying harder for a diagnosis when my daughter was younger. She simply marches to a different beat and there are distinct traits that here in Italy are not being picked up.

    The best of luck to you, I'm not hopeful about getting a diagnosis here I think the UK is  much more ahead. It's great your daughter's teacher, social worker and school nurse are on board that's already a massive support.

    I think the major issues are about dealing with the anxiety and alienation. My girl is very musical she plays the harp and flute and sang in a choir until last year so we tried to get her into the music class of our local secondary and it's great she's met some really focused kids like herself, though the change and the demands have brought out some ocd.The stress and anxiety needs to be managed and at times it really does get too much. She's also questioning why she's so different, I'm lost for answers at times . It's critical that she maintains a positive image of herself and  that the ocd doesn't get out of hand. She asked me the other day if she is mad! Help!

    Adolescence is difficult for most kids but especially for highly functional Aperger's who have zero support or guidance and slip through the net.

    As we say in Italy take courage,

    Best wishes Kezercorn

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