Hi, newbie from Derbyshire

Hi, I am mum to 3 girls, my eldest daughter is 13 years old and in Year 9, and just been diagnosed with Aspergers.  I have known since she was 2 that something wasn't quite right and been up and down to our GP all this time fighting for referrals.  At last I feel exonerated that I am not a rubbish mum but am gutted at the diagnosis, however, also slightly relieved.  It has been explained to her but I am not sure if she has taken it on board.  She knows she is different from her peers, she recognises her extremely high anxiety and does have counselling for this now at school.  She has one very close friend, but struggles to have more than one friend at a time but tries very hard to fit in and mask her difficulties.  She is an absolute perfectionsit, an extremely high achiever and if doesn't get 100% will resit the test to be top of the class.  Second isn't an option for her, the words "that will do" never pass her lips.  She want perfection in her appearance too, and gets extremely upset and angry if her hair won't go right in the morning or she can't brush her teeth for her normal timed 3 minutes.  She needs more support than my 5 year old and tries to control the household.  She is bullied at school as she comes across very much the victim, has avoidance behaviour, won't talk to anyone in authority, and is frightened of her own shadow much of the time.  Her dad is struggling to come to terms with her diagnosis and tries to put it down to adolesence and bad behaviour.  I would love to talk to anyone who has a teenage girls with Aspergers as feel extremely isolated and struggle to understand her, she is much loved by the whole family, but boy is she testing !

Parents
  • Hi Billy

    Thanks for your swift reply. How funny my daughter just rang me to tell me she was getting wet in the rain and that she had just got two excellent marks in geography and maths , as if it couldn't wait she's two minutes away and will be here any moment, but that's it isn't it, the waiting part is agonising for girls with Asperger traits and as for mud on her new converse that's a regular one for us too. I think it's the level of distress about the mud on the converse that distinguishes my girl from her friends who  just deal with it , with my girl it throws her into ocd like doing fifty handstands or counting. Teenagers are difficult I've got a sixteen year old boy who can be pretty hard work himself but it's more recognisable and easier to handle , the strategies I use with him are not possible to apply with my daughter, it's like the ground is shifting all the time. Having another child who is developing more or less in a predictable way highlights  my fears about the future of my daughter, and that's where I feel very panicky and alone. As for university I believe there's some  support , I've a friend who's son with Asperger's is doing pretty well. I'll find out and let you know.

    I think you're right you have to laugh, the other day I was talking to my girl about having to tick boxes for a test and she looked puzzled and said "where are the boxes? she'd actually imagined a room full of boxes she'd have to tick. Bliss! Not so bliss is that she's come into the kitchen straight after lunch complaining that the smell is too much. Duty calls, I have to wash up right away. We don't want a meltdown.

     All the Best

    Kezercorn

     

     

    Thanks

     

Reply
  • Hi Billy

    Thanks for your swift reply. How funny my daughter just rang me to tell me she was getting wet in the rain and that she had just got two excellent marks in geography and maths , as if it couldn't wait she's two minutes away and will be here any moment, but that's it isn't it, the waiting part is agonising for girls with Asperger traits and as for mud on her new converse that's a regular one for us too. I think it's the level of distress about the mud on the converse that distinguishes my girl from her friends who  just deal with it , with my girl it throws her into ocd like doing fifty handstands or counting. Teenagers are difficult I've got a sixteen year old boy who can be pretty hard work himself but it's more recognisable and easier to handle , the strategies I use with him are not possible to apply with my daughter, it's like the ground is shifting all the time. Having another child who is developing more or less in a predictable way highlights  my fears about the future of my daughter, and that's where I feel very panicky and alone. As for university I believe there's some  support , I've a friend who's son with Asperger's is doing pretty well. I'll find out and let you know.

    I think you're right you have to laugh, the other day I was talking to my girl about having to tick boxes for a test and she looked puzzled and said "where are the boxes? she'd actually imagined a room full of boxes she'd have to tick. Bliss! Not so bliss is that she's come into the kitchen straight after lunch complaining that the smell is too much. Duty calls, I have to wash up right away. We don't want a meltdown.

     All the Best

    Kezercorn

     

     

    Thanks

     

Children
No Data