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new and looking for advice

kezz8352

hi i have a 10 year old daughter, she is having learning probs and is 4 years behind in her litracey and other areas, her spelling is the worse and got scored at minus 5 years. I have seen the gp and they were questioning high functioning autism / aspegers, the school have refered her to the ed psych (due to see her tommrow), speech and language and CAHMS both of thoses still waiting for an appointment.

im going to list the things that worry me

she asked for a doll for her 10th birthday (her sister grew out of dolls at about 6 or 7)

she has anger probs and usually takes it out on my 7 year old (she has adhd) by putting her hands round her neck

puts everything in her mouth etc rubber, paper , money lego bricks

pulls her hair out, picks her mole, bites skin off her fingers and they bleed

doesnt seem to feel a lot of pain

she has obessions with money and eastenders

she likes her own space and will spend all day in her room

she wont go anywhere without an adult

if i tell her off she will either try to run away and has even tryed jumping out of the window

she gets scared of things the most recent one is coaches and she said she isnt going on any school trips at all and will hide the letters (because of coach crash)

when my son was a baby she hated his crying and told me to shut him up, she mothers him a bit too much and used to get very angry if could hold him

she laughs when told off (im sure this is nerves)

 

thank you for listening sorry about the long post

 

Kerry

Parents

  • Hi Kezz

    I can really sympathize with your worries, I too have a son with similar tendancies. He heard about a boy that drowned a number of years ago and became terrified of water. i just had to keep reasurring him and thankfully he has now grown out of this.  I have learned with my Son to firstly try to understand the way he thinks and then to come at the problems from an angle.  I wouldn't worry about her wanting a doll, my Son likes things which are a little immature for his age but they don't do any harm.  Putting things in her mouth is a sensory issue, I wonder whether it would be worth getting just one item that she likes, that she is allowed to put in her mouth that could then be washed regularly and then trying to educate her about germs.  My Son also has a high pain tolorance and likes to pick and bite etc, he tends to these things more when he is anxious, so I have put together a calm down kit which is a box of puzzles and sensory items theat divert his attention and help him to calm down when he is angry.  I have also arranged with my son that when he is upset he can go to his shed, which is a quiet place we have aranged for him intead of running away.  He is also allowed to walk around the block now he is a little older, this enables him to calm down and gives him a way out instead of just running. when he comes back obviously the issues still need to be dealt with but he is in a better frame of mind to accept discipline.  Thankfully you seem to be on the right road to getting help and a proper diagnosis, I have also found there is alot of good reading material out there which helped me to understand my son more.  Hang in there and all the best. J

     

Reply

  • Hi Kezz

    I can really sympathize with your worries, I too have a son with similar tendancies. He heard about a boy that drowned a number of years ago and became terrified of water. i just had to keep reasurring him and thankfully he has now grown out of this.  I have learned with my Son to firstly try to understand the way he thinks and then to come at the problems from an angle.  I wouldn't worry about her wanting a doll, my Son likes things which are a little immature for his age but they don't do any harm.  Putting things in her mouth is a sensory issue, I wonder whether it would be worth getting just one item that she likes, that she is allowed to put in her mouth that could then be washed regularly and then trying to educate her about germs.  My Son also has a high pain tolorance and likes to pick and bite etc, he tends to these things more when he is anxious, so I have put together a calm down kit which is a box of puzzles and sensory items theat divert his attention and help him to calm down when he is angry.  I have also arranged with my son that when he is upset he can go to his shed, which is a quiet place we have aranged for him intead of running away.  He is also allowed to walk around the block now he is a little older, this enables him to calm down and gives him a way out instead of just running. when he comes back obviously the issues still need to be dealt with but he is in a better frame of mind to accept discipline.  Thankfully you seem to be on the right road to getting help and a proper diagnosis, I have also found there is alot of good reading material out there which helped me to understand my son more.  Hang in there and all the best. J

     

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