Published on 12, July, 2020
Lately I'm trying really hard to admit when I can't follow a conversation. I do this by saying 'I don't understand,' and most people are really helpful and respond by explaining what they mean in a way that makes sense to me. It means I don't have to pretend I know what's going on when I have absolutely no idea.
This doesn't always work though, some people react by repeating the same instruction a bit louder and by the third or fourth time they're shouting and I still have no idea what's going on. I am not an idiot, I just need things reworded sometimes. If I say this to the other person it often makes things worse (but at least it makes me feel better).
I have no solution but I thought there might be a few people on here who relate! Are there any things you wish other people would do differently?
Definitely relate to this. Tricky to find a phrase that works. Good for you working on this, I am too.
In a work setting I try saying "let me see, are you saying "this, that and the other"?. Then they have a chance to correct any misunderstanding.
With people I know "I don't get it" is enough to trigger a better explanation.
The Irish have a lovely expression "my head's away" sometimes using that (with an Irish accent!) and adding "so I missed some of what you said" is a gentle way to get another chance to understand.
I find it helps to run a quick diagnostic. Why am I finding it hard to follow this conversation? Is the lighting too bright, too noisy, does the person have strong perfume, am I tired, thirsty or hungry.? Is it possible to have this conversation at another time or in a different setting? Small changes can make a big difference to how well I can process conversation.
Keep up with your efforts. Clarity is out there.
I quite often get this at work,I now have the confidence since learning about autism to say"hold on I will write this down as my memory is useless," not exactly true but helps, I also feel more confident to say"ok so you want this done this way?" Quite often I have got it wrong but I have told my bosses I am ASD and to begin with they doubted me, I think they are now beginning to see the cap fits. I have educated them to just what autism is and how it effects me.
I also have some great work mates who I can call on to listen for me, I rely on them quite a lot but I am a fair understanding foreman so it works both ways.