overwhelming feelings- help?

Hello yet again : )

All this seems to be happening soon after your diagnosis - so what is going on?

I think it could be due to your sensitivities - which are largely what autism is all about.  Your diagnosis has made you more aware of your condition, and instead of just accepting it and being yourself, you've become extra-conscious of it.  It's normal for us to make mistakes with others because we sometimes misinterpret their meaning.  You're more aware of yourself doing this now, but in reality you've always done it. (We can't help it, but those without autism can try much harder than they do to understand us).

As for crying at little things, I do this a lot (such as when I see missing pet notices), but especially when I'm under great stress, so I have to use safe ways to cope with the stress and reduce it.  Maybe you're finding it more stressful to be social because you're too aware of your own autistic traits (due to the recent diagnosis).  The new awareness is getting in the way of your life and causing extra stress, so that you feel on edge and likely to cry at the smallest thing.  This will naturally wear off as you become more used to the idea of having autism.

Jessicaaaaa said:

I dont know if this is just me being stupid and lazy, or if this is normal for an autistic person? Everything is just hitting me at once and I feel like crying always. I got my diagnosis on Friday, is it meant to make you feel confused?

Stupid and lazy?  No!!!  It's not exactly normal but it comes as no surprise to me.  I can well believe it to to be the effect of a diagnosis especially at your age.  Hormones and periods affect stress levels too.  The diagnosis isn't meant to confuse you, and I'm sure that in itself it doesn't confuse you.  It helps you understand yourself, but you must try to avoid comparing your day-to-day behaviour in the light of the diagnosis.  Just accept the way you are and be yourself.  Don't try to be any different than the way you were before the diagnosis.  Just relax more about it, and the stress will drop back to normal, you'll make fewer mistakes and you won't be so prone to tears.

When the autistic poet Emily Dickinson lost her parents, she described the world as a scary and confusing place.  I'm sure it always was in a way, because autism makes us more sensitive to the world, but the sudden change in her life, made it so much more intense - as it did with me.  This is the kind of thing that seems to be happening with you.  You're seeing the diagnosis as a bigger thing that it really is, and on top of that you have the added stress of school to cope with.

You say you want to fit in and have friends.  I don't think we never fully fit in, because we have autism, but the more we try to fit in, the more stressful it becomes, and the more mistakes we make.  Don't try; just let it happen by being yourself, unique and individual.  Any true friend will respect you a lot more for that.  People who don't, just aren't worth bothering about. 

Forget about whether people like you or not - it's too stressful.  Real friends like you for who you are.  None of us are perfect, after all. You'llknow your real friends without needing to wonder.  True friends are loyal, caring, generous, trusting, honest - and fun.

My mum and dad are trying to be supportive but I feel so bad when I do things wrong, and I get annoyed at them because I apparently "over-read" their facial expressions which I find frustrating.

I think they're right.  You're subconsciously overdoing it, as I said earlier.  Try to forget about your autistic traits for a while.  Embrace the lovely person you are.

Your anger is also a symptom of stress - which in turn can arise from frustration between the person you are, and the person you're trying so hard to be.  Just be yourself!  It works.  I've now got more friends than ever, because at last I'm trying no longer - just being autistic me, and I'll laugh about some of my weird ways!  They like me more because I'm different, not despite it.  Between 9 and 15 I had no friends at all.

The stress is making you unsettled and that's why you keep changing your mind.  Keep the stress low and life will become a lot easier.  We have enough stress to put up with, without creating our own.

Finished at last! I hope that didn't sound like a lecture.  It wasn't meant to.  I was once very like you, and it took me so long to learn to live a happier life.  I wouldn't like it to take you so long.

Mihaela xx

Hi Jess,

I am Aspergian also, and when diagnosed almost two years ago, I was rather relieved and also somewhat overwhelmed. I needed time to adjust. One thing that really helped though, was reading a book titled, The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome, by Tony Attwood - costing £17.99.