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Traumagenic quasi autism? Failed 1st assessment

Hazelspoon

I had my initial assessment yesterday and was extremely surprised not to pass it. The assessor said that none of the screening tests count because of my childhood trauma and he was only interested in the triad of impairment. His argument was that I was interacting well with my close friend who I bought with me, that I can produce art (as long as I am given set parameters o work within) and my interests are not narrow enough.  I stupidly didn't mention the one compute game I've been playing for 15 years or the special interests I've carried from childhood. 

Basically I got super nervous and went into autopilot "social" mode. I've been perfecting my act for 30 years and spent a whole year in inpatient mental health rehab literally learning how people communicate. I was taught to fake it to make it and I've stidied the vocal inflections people use, make sure to listen and not butt in etc. I've had plenty of chatty interactions with diagnosed artistic people and I'm very confused.  

The thing is, my childhood trauma wasn't that severe or that early. This dosent explain why my parents called me "baby glum" because I didn't do facial expressions. It dosent explain the physical stuff like stimming and IBS and migraines and extreme clumsiness which we never got as far as discussing because my act was too slick. 

 A few days before I had an hour log mental health assessment without a friend there and that assessor felt I almost certainly did have AS.

I'm open minded and had a look at papers on Traumagenic quasi autism and it's all about very young children with extreme trauma.

From my reading the people I most relate to are those with atypical autism. I'm so confused now I feel like my diagnosis of PTSD will preclude me from ever getting an autism diagnosis and not sure whether to go for a 2nd opinion or just stay "self diagnosed" because the only people who share my life experience are those with atypical aspergers. 

Id appreciate any advice or opinions. I'm open minded that I could be wrong but this has raised more questions than it answers. If I'm not autistic why is my brain like this !

Parents

  • Thankyou so much for this reply I thought I was going mad.  the earliest traumatic memories I can identify is my mother berating me for having "no social skills" and other kids excluding me and mocking me for my precocious speech and odd demeanour. 

    I have so much stuff that simply is not a symptom of PTSD. The way my brain constantly repeats snatches of music or speech and I have to sleep with the radio on to drown it out.   the love of shiny things, the feeling when I'm in a room full of people that is like nails down a blackboard...

    it was such an odd assessment. The assessor said he had been thru it himself implying he was autistic and he kept saying how much he can relate to me and ende up saying I'm a really great and interesting person and He can see why I think I'm autistic. I don't get it. If he's autistic and very intelligent and can spot where I do or don't miss a social cue, then surely another autistic person is capable of learning these things! It kinda felt like he wanted to hang out and be friends but also like he was doing that male gatekeeping thing. I very slightly think he fancied me! It sounds egotistical but plenty of men have gone all gooey when I start talking about machinery and computers  becuase so few women are so deeply interested in those things. 

    i don't know if Iv got then spoons to fight right now. im on a 6 month waiting list for trauma therapy and will get assigned a new therapist so maybe I will raise the issue with them.

    I've had to fight to be diagnosed with Ehler's danlos syndrome (took 10 years) , and to then have that disability recognised by the benefits agency. I'm so tired of having these soul bearing assessments and keep getting knocked back. 

    I feel like I'll be offending the assessor personally and  might bump into him wh n I have my trauma therapy. Awkward!

    ugh. this is exhausting. On the upside due to chatting about it It turns out one of my sons friends mums got some way thru diagnosis before dropping out due to life getting in the way so at least by going for diagnosis and saying it out loud I've made an autistic buddy :)

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  • Thankyou so much for this reply I thought I was going mad.  the earliest traumatic memories I can identify is my mother berating me for having "no social skills" and other kids excluding me and mocking me for my precocious speech and odd demeanour. 

    I have so much stuff that simply is not a symptom of PTSD. The way my brain constantly repeats snatches of music or speech and I have to sleep with the radio on to drown it out.   the love of shiny things, the feeling when I'm in a room full of people that is like nails down a blackboard...

    it was such an odd assessment. The assessor said he had been thru it himself implying he was autistic and he kept saying how much he can relate to me and ende up saying I'm a really great and interesting person and He can see why I think I'm autistic. I don't get it. If he's autistic and very intelligent and can spot where I do or don't miss a social cue, then surely another autistic person is capable of learning these things! It kinda felt like he wanted to hang out and be friends but also like he was doing that male gatekeeping thing. I very slightly think he fancied me! It sounds egotistical but plenty of men have gone all gooey when I start talking about machinery and computers  becuase so few women are so deeply interested in those things. 

    i don't know if Iv got then spoons to fight right now. im on a 6 month waiting list for trauma therapy and will get assigned a new therapist so maybe I will raise the issue with them.

    I've had to fight to be diagnosed with Ehler's danlos syndrome (took 10 years) , and to then have that disability recognised by the benefits agency. I'm so tired of having these soul bearing assessments and keep getting knocked back. 

    I feel like I'll be offending the assessor personally and  might bump into him wh n I have my trauma therapy. Awkward!

    ugh. this is exhausting. On the upside due to chatting about it It turns out one of my sons friends mums got some way thru diagnosis before dropping out due to life getting in the way so at least by going for diagnosis and saying it out loud I've made an autistic buddy :)

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