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newly diagnosed son

hibbsy

Hello there, we are new to this forum and we are looking for help and support that anyone can give please.

Our 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with a-typical autism.He also has a speech and language problem, dyslexia (which we have known about for a couple of years) and a severe anxiety problem.

He has had a severe melt down at school as he is struggling with the pressures of the impending SATS tests this year and feels inadequate against his peers. He does have CAMHS involvement, SENCO support, and we are liasing with an educational psychologist, but we are stunned at this new autism diagnosis and struggling to come to terms with both that, and our sons low self esteem, awful anxiety issues and very low state of mind, it really is heartbreaking and we are struggling to know how to support him best. He has constant outbursts and meltdowns, can be rather aggressive at times, followed by tears upon tears and then becomes withdrawn and negative.

We are completely exhausted and concerned about the future and how we are going to get through this. Any help and advice would be so gratefully recieved!

  • Thank you, i will look into that for him, and yes, i totally agree that it's the secondary school transfer that we need to be concentrating on right now rather than the SATS, and ensuring that the move to secondary school goes as smoothly and as stress free as possible.

    We do have a meeting in the next couple of weeks with the headteacher of the secondary school as we dont know the school at all. The headteacher does seem approachable and keen to meet us parents, so that does seem a positive start!

    Thank you .

     

  • Helping him to understand and come to terms with his diagnosis might be the best thing right now. There is a book written by a ten year old with autism, "Asperger Syndrome, the Universe and Everything," by Kenneth Hall that might help. 

    I would consider not doing the SATs at all. The main thing is to think about secondary transfer and the accommodations he will need at his next school.

  • thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it really does make a difference to know that people out there are going through the same sresses and concerns as us, and take the time to reply.

    our son is a gorgeous, sensitive loving boy who everyone who comes in contact with him says how special he is. His anxiety does play a huge part in his behaviour and we do struggle on a daily basis to contain it. we also have a 7yr old little girl who adores him and mothers him. On a good day they are inseperable...but on a bad day she really does get the brunt of it, and i do worry for her...although at the moment she forgives him anything!

    the school are working on whether to allow him to do the SATS as they feel it could push him over the edge when he gets results which are well below what he is aiming for. (He wants a 4, but is currently on target to recieve a 2). he does not accept this at all...he works his socks off but his learning needs mean that he is unlikely to be on an educational level that is on the same as his peers. We as his parents are fine with this, as we are so proud of how hard he works and he never gives up! he is currently struggling to come back from an emotional breakdown due to the pressures he puts on himself and we are aware we have to tread extremely carefully with him. the meltdowns at home are getting worse and worse with either really angry outbursts, or him being so low about his life and not wanting to carry on...heartbreaking to hear!

    We are pleased that you are managing to work through your own issues with your son. i hope you dont mind me asking, but could i ask what radical changes you found helpful for your son, just wonder whether it was something personal to your family, or whether we could be missing something that could really help him?

    Thank you once again, and my best wishes to you.

  • Hi there.

    It sounds like the pressure from school is too much for him. Are they supportive? Can you ask them about how he does his SATS? Is there scope for him being given more time / doing them in a separate room / not having to do certain parts / doing them on a good day, not a bad day would help. Perhaps reassurance for him at this stage would help in the longer term.

    Our son also has melt downs at school and less so at home, where we can manage the demands we put on him. We had to work really hard to build our relationships with him because of the aggression and melt downs - he really needed to know that we still cared, even though we had to take a stand against the inappropriate behaviour. Most of what we do now, is encouraging him to slow down and think about how he reacts in different situations. We even practice them with him at home - reacting appropriately in difficult situations. This doesn't work all the time and he's having a bad patch at school right now, as one of the kids in his class is winding him up and knows which buttons to press. But all we can do is keep at it.

    I agree it can be exhausting and I worry about his future too. He's very bright, but if he can't cope in school (and he's not even in high school yet!), then what???

    I can't honestly say it will all be ok - I don't know that. I just know that we've hung on in there and made the decision to really fight our son's corner at times. We have to believe in him and make sure he gets the best chances he can. We've made some fairly radical changes to our lives to do this as well, but I hope it's worth it. He certainly is much happier at home, has some friends now and has higher self esteem.

    All the very best!