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newly diagnosed son

hibbsy

Hello there, we are new to this forum and we are looking for help and support that anyone can give please.

Our 11 year old son has just been diagnosed with a-typical autism.He also has a speech and language problem, dyslexia (which we have known about for a couple of years) and a severe anxiety problem.

He has had a severe melt down at school as he is struggling with the pressures of the impending SATS tests this year and feels inadequate against his peers. He does have CAMHS involvement, SENCO support, and we are liasing with an educational psychologist, but we are stunned at this new autism diagnosis and struggling to come to terms with both that, and our sons low self esteem, awful anxiety issues and very low state of mind, it really is heartbreaking and we are struggling to know how to support him best. He has constant outbursts and meltdowns, can be rather aggressive at times, followed by tears upon tears and then becomes withdrawn and negative.

We are completely exhausted and concerned about the future and how we are going to get through this. Any help and advice would be so gratefully recieved!

Parents

  • Hi there.

    It sounds like the pressure from school is too much for him. Are they supportive? Can you ask them about how he does his SATS? Is there scope for him being given more time / doing them in a separate room / not having to do certain parts / doing them on a good day, not a bad day would help. Perhaps reassurance for him at this stage would help in the longer term.

    Our son also has melt downs at school and less so at home, where we can manage the demands we put on him. We had to work really hard to build our relationships with him because of the aggression and melt downs - he really needed to know that we still cared, even though we had to take a stand against the inappropriate behaviour. Most of what we do now, is encouraging him to slow down and think about how he reacts in different situations. We even practice them with him at home - reacting appropriately in difficult situations. This doesn't work all the time and he's having a bad patch at school right now, as one of the kids in his class is winding him up and knows which buttons to press. But all we can do is keep at it.

    I agree it can be exhausting and I worry about his future too. He's very bright, but if he can't cope in school (and he's not even in high school yet!), then what???

    I can't honestly say it will all be ok - I don't know that. I just know that we've hung on in there and made the decision to really fight our son's corner at times. We have to believe in him and make sure he gets the best chances he can. We've made some fairly radical changes to our lives to do this as well, but I hope it's worth it. He certainly is much happier at home, has some friends now and has higher self esteem.

    All the very best!

Reply

  • Hi there.

    It sounds like the pressure from school is too much for him. Are they supportive? Can you ask them about how he does his SATS? Is there scope for him being given more time / doing them in a separate room / not having to do certain parts / doing them on a good day, not a bad day would help. Perhaps reassurance for him at this stage would help in the longer term.

    Our son also has melt downs at school and less so at home, where we can manage the demands we put on him. We had to work really hard to build our relationships with him because of the aggression and melt downs - he really needed to know that we still cared, even though we had to take a stand against the inappropriate behaviour. Most of what we do now, is encouraging him to slow down and think about how he reacts in different situations. We even practice them with him at home - reacting appropriately in difficult situations. This doesn't work all the time and he's having a bad patch at school right now, as one of the kids in his class is winding him up and knows which buttons to press. But all we can do is keep at it.

    I agree it can be exhausting and I worry about his future too. He's very bright, but if he can't cope in school (and he's not even in high school yet!), then what???

    I can't honestly say it will all be ok - I don't know that. I just know that we've hung on in there and made the decision to really fight our son's corner at times. We have to believe in him and make sure he gets the best chances he can. We've made some fairly radical changes to our lives to do this as well, but I hope it's worth it. He certainly is much happier at home, has some friends now and has higher self esteem.

    All the very best!

Children
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