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Help please, where do I start?

amum

I am the mother of a 30 year old son who is currently incredibly stressed. I am afraid he he is heading for a breakdown but not sure what is behind his problems and before seeking treatment need to consider the possibilities to avoid misdiagnois.

He is intelligent and has a degree and MA. He has been self employed since finishing university but not earning a living. As a individual he comes across as outgoing, likeable and incredibly competent, which he is, but as his business ventures have not been unsuccessful, in terms of making enough money to live, I would expected him by now to try something different but he seems obsessed with his vision/dream of being successful in business and lacking in understanding that what he is pursuing is possibly the root of all his stress and anxiety.

I could write a lot more but really need to speak to somebody who can point me in the right direction.

Many thanks

  • Being self employed and building a business from scratch is very difficult for majority of people. You hear about all the wonderful sucess stories, but not many of the unsucessful which far outweighs the other. At least he is showing determination, and that is a good business quality.

    I have been self employed twice, once as an IT contractor where I was very succesful, although that is not really going it alone. I tried to start up an online toy shop, got it off the ground and a few orders. The only thing that was missing was I couldn't quiet get my rankings in google search results, although I had contacts who could help me with that.

    It withered away as at the same time my mother was losing her battle with cancer, and I had just secured a permanent job just not so long after the dotcom crash at a time when technology was changing.

    Success/Failure can be a very fine line, and some of the ones that do become sucessful, seems like the most ridiculous to start off with.

    I would try and talk to your son, express your feelings and try and get some engaging communication (I'm not crticising your views, and its easy to say this suggestion, but not easy to do).

    I guess it might be an idea to talk about some plan b option, where he can still pursue his focus, but also start to build something else which could become a fallback solution, or both could become sucessful.

    I wish your son all the best

    Random

  • Hi,

    No he has not been diagnosed and I only suspect that Aspergers may be the problem. As I have said he is very stressed and he is aware of that. He is extremely driven but relentlessly pursuing a career path where goals, in terms of job satisfaction and financial stability are not materialising. I also think he feels that nobody understands him or is helping him.

    Thank you for suggesting that book.

  • Thank you, I have now spoken to somebody at the autism help line.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi

    Does he have a diagnosis or do you/he suspect that he has autism/aspergers?

    I recommend this book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Well-Spectrum-Challenges-High-Functioning/dp/1606236342 It did two things for me. Firstly it confirmed my suspicions about me having aspergers. Secondly, it shows some positive and concrete things you can do to help you get organised and deal with life on the spectrum. Getting control and being organised can reduce stress lvels enormously.

  • Hi amum,

    As Margaret says, you can contact our Autism Helpline, advisers can talk through the different types of support and search for services in your area, if you would like to call.

    The Helpline is open Monday to Thursday 10am – 4pm and Friday 9am -3pm on 0808 800 4104.

    Please see the following link for further information:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/contact.aspx

    Kind regards,

    Heather - Mod

  • Thanks Margaret I will talk to somebody on the help line.

  • Hi,

    I am sure that there is a help line to call.  Personally, I can't the details at the moment, but I'm sure that they are on the website some where!

    I am autistic and am currently doing my PhD, after having completed my degree and MEd.  Work isn't for me at the moment, I have worked, but I find it really stressful.  Working for myself would have been an option, but I don't think I would have made a profit either!

    I hope you find the tel. no.

    Just found it on www.autism.org.uk/.../contact-us.aspx

    it is an 0808 number

    Margaret