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59 year old and not assessed

m21ian

Hi, yes, I'm 59 and I've never benn formally assessed for Autism, and nowadays I have learned to adjust and have coping strategies for social situations, and the avoidance of the same. I have a partner, and a 10 yo daughter, I have a good job and on th eoutside all looks rosy - but that's not the whole picture is it.

I have no "mates" - in my whole life I have never ever instigated a social meet-up with a friend, the ideas of having to meet 121 or in a group for a regular social chit-chat both scares and makes me feel trapped. People have tried in the past to form matey relationships, but I have always batted them away, or failed somehow.

That's ok - I ma not lonely - I have plenty of friends/associates at work and I can handle that as the relationships are defined by where we are and what we do and it never overlaps into out-of-work so it's all good.

My childood was . . . odd. So were my teens, and my 20's and right up into my mid 30's I was still struggling. When I was 23 I worked in a open plan office and several of my workmates took it upon themselves to role pay "sarcasm" for me as I just did not get it. Funny looking back, I was just cosidered eccentric and I have played on that all my life - making a joke out of it witghout ever knowing what "it" was.

I dropped out of school when I was 17 as it was all getting too much, found jobs where I worked on my own, then over the years moved into jobs where i worked around people. I used to apologise to people wh sat near me because I couldn't talk small talk like  everyone else, ha ha, I can now but it's taken a long long time.

Later I moved into freelance working because that meant that I could move on when I found myself socially floundering - as everywehere I went I found a small number of people who liked me for myself, an equal number of peoole who really disliked me for the same reasons, and a whole raft of people who I just confised, or whatever.  

My partner wants to get married, but I can't do that as it fills me with dread, she wants me to have a party for my 60th: no thanks, she wants me to go out with friends on my own - that will never happen. I not unsociable but anything that centres on my and might illustrate the gaping hole in my social network I have to avoid, and protect the illusions and barries i hae built around me.

I am considering applying for a diagnosis, not for myself, mostly for my partner (although she doesn't know) but I'm afraid of opening up to a GP for fear of being knocked-back, like I said I now how coping strategies so that is what they wil see - not the me inside or the historical me who almost 60 years of back story.

I dunno.

Someone tell me - what am I thinking?

Parents

  • m21ian, I can understand what you mean about being 'labelled', but on the other hand, it's useful to know what 'makes you tick' because it should (in theory) provide you with the 'tools' with which to manage you behaviour.

    Without having an appreciation of the way you are wired you won't be prepared to handle situations that you find difficult and knowing your strengths and weakenesses (and everyone has weaknesses) you are in a better position to manage your life and, hopefully, get the most out of it. It's also is a way of forgiving yourself for feeling guilty about some of your behaviours, for example, the lack of social skills and the tendency to like your own company, etc. Many autistic people appear to lack empathy to NT's and this can be seen as a characher flaw, however, once you understand that it's not that we are unfeeling monsters but that we have an idiosyncratic way of relating to others, then things can be looked at in a more reasonable perspective.

    Autistic people tend to want to help people but they can only really do this in their own way which might not necessarily involve an outward expression of emotion but, rather, in a way that tackles problems objectively, as this is how their brains operate. Many people on the autistic spectrum do experience deep emotions but find it difficult to express these directly, person to person, and prefer to use art like writing or painting, for example, as a vehicle for this.

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  • m21ian, I can understand what you mean about being 'labelled', but on the other hand, it's useful to know what 'makes you tick' because it should (in theory) provide you with the 'tools' with which to manage you behaviour.

    Without having an appreciation of the way you are wired you won't be prepared to handle situations that you find difficult and knowing your strengths and weakenesses (and everyone has weaknesses) you are in a better position to manage your life and, hopefully, get the most out of it. It's also is a way of forgiving yourself for feeling guilty about some of your behaviours, for example, the lack of social skills and the tendency to like your own company, etc. Many autistic people appear to lack empathy to NT's and this can be seen as a characher flaw, however, once you understand that it's not that we are unfeeling monsters but that we have an idiosyncratic way of relating to others, then things can be looked at in a more reasonable perspective.

    Autistic people tend to want to help people but they can only really do this in their own way which might not necessarily involve an outward expression of emotion but, rather, in a way that tackles problems objectively, as this is how their brains operate. Many people on the autistic spectrum do experience deep emotions but find it difficult to express these directly, person to person, and prefer to use art like writing or painting, for example, as a vehicle for this.

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