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different behaviour at home than school

Kirbz

My son is getting assesesed for being on the spectrum, but shows no signs in school its like he waits until he gets home and just erupts, we have a meeting every 6/8 weeks, but the school say same thing, that he is fine and a happy lovely boy, just come from another meeting where again they said the above, although the behaviour specialist who observed him, did pick up on few things, pulling faces, fidgeting, sensory issues, rocking but did say he was a vary happy little boy.

I just feel so confused and helpless or maybe its my fault why he is like what he is, its like nobody believes me when i tell them because he doesnt have the meltdowns or behaviours that he does when he gets home, is this normal for children on the spectrum to be like this, or isit me or should i be looking down at being something else? CAMHS have said it looks like he is on the spectrum and sent a questionnaire to school, but camhs also stated that if school say he is fine and nothing is wrong then they cant do anything until school say they see a problem. I just feel so helpless, all i want is to be shown how to deal with him and what to do and i dont feel like i am going to get any of that, going down the line of him being fine in school, but then like he is at home. any advice would be so much appricated, because at the moment i realy feel like im going out of my mind and it must be me because he isnt doing any traits, meltdowns etc infront of teachers.

  • He is 5 6 on saturday :) at the moment camhs havent done an ados assessment just waiting on the questionnaire they send to school, which they wanted it doing based after october half term in year 1....but school have done it from reception....why are schools so blind and refuse to believe what parents say, seems like it is such a common problem, showing different signs so why dont teachers get educated on these things :(

  • Your son takes all his energy in his being to stay composed all day, so when he gets home where he is safe, he lets go of it all. It is a very healthy behavior. He knows you will stay by him. My 22 year old daughter was never diagnosed but I'd put money on her being slightly autistic. Same thing very smart, spoke late, meltdowns that very violent, has a different understanding of the world similar to me but an angel at school.

  • My 9 years gets through the school day without meltdown s but within minutes of being home he has meltdowns and can't cope. I'm told this  is very common. My boy likes the structure and routine of school but struggles with play time and lunch. As soon as he hears the bell he gets anxious and finds the sensory input too much (kids running, screaming, too much of everything going on) but the teachers never noticed any of it he just blurted it all out one day. I wonder if the fear of getting in trouble stops him reacting at school. For years I've mentioned to teachers that we think he's on the spectrum but they just look at me weird and don't believe he could be so different at home. It's not your parenting. Has anyone offered any help to deal with behaviour? Our senco gave some strategies to try at home and I attended the Time out for add course which was helpful. You're not alone, I imagine there's a lot of parents on here in the same position.