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Daughter Refusing Diagnosis

rilca

I hope somebody may have some advice about this. I suspect that my daughter 15 years old may have aspergers. We have seen a specialist (9 month wait) who has said that there is a strong possibility of aspergers but needed more investigation for full diagnosis however as there were some mental health problems we would have to see Camhs (another 6 month wait). Now we seem to have hit a road block to get the full diagnosis my daughter has to agree. Well, my daughter doesn't agree to anything. I dragged her to first appointment, second appointment she agreed to go if a bought her a new online TV series  but said to Camhs that she didn't want to be there.  She refuses to entertain the idea that she may have aspergers calling it insulting.  I really don't understand how a child has the final say. After all we are expected to force them to go to school why is this different, how come I am no longer the responsible adult? On the other side am I doing the right thing if she doesn't want it, everything I have read said it can help and I am very worried about her.

Does anybody have any experience of advice about this?

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Rilca,

    I think that you have a lot to learn about autism. One of the features of the condition is that we have communication issues and we are often so bad with making ourselves understood that we often take a defiant position where we refuse to fo things that seem 'reasonable' to other people. Your daughter's behaviour is entirely reasonable, from an autistic point of view, because the world is entirely unreasonable and unfathomable to her.

    Bribery with a TV was perhaps not the best thing to do. Do you try to be unreasonably fair and reasonable with her or do you hand out rewards and punishments in ways that she doesn't understand?

    At 15 she could really be treated as an adult. In fact, autistic people benefit from being treated calmly and fairly, as you would any other adult, throughout our lives. It is her life that you are trying to change, rather than yours, even though it obviously has a big impact on you and you desperately want the right things for her.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Rilca,

    I think that you have a lot to learn about autism. One of the features of the condition is that we have communication issues and we are often so bad with making ourselves understood that we often take a defiant position where we refuse to fo things that seem 'reasonable' to other people. Your daughter's behaviour is entirely reasonable, from an autistic point of view, because the world is entirely unreasonable and unfathomable to her.

    Bribery with a TV was perhaps not the best thing to do. Do you try to be unreasonably fair and reasonable with her or do you hand out rewards and punishments in ways that she doesn't understand?

    At 15 she could really be treated as an adult. In fact, autistic people benefit from being treated calmly and fairly, as you would any other adult, throughout our lives. It is her life that you are trying to change, rather than yours, even though it obviously has a big impact on you and you desperately want the right things for her.

Children
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