Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I'm 24 years old I've thought for years I may have aspergers, but I'm really not sure if it's worth wasting my time or the doctors time, finding out. So, I thought, I'll write down a bit of what I experience here, and if you could give your opinion as to whether it sounds worthwhile?
I've always been a bit socially 'at odds' with everyone else. When I was a kid I didn't have any friends for a while, and when I did, I was terrible at maintaining friendships.. this is the same now.
I have anxiety and depression which were significantly worse when I was in primary school/high school, but I still have it now.
I bite my nails, I have facial tics, I have complex partial seizures (doc said its triggered by anxiety??) I like to rock back and forward and sideto side when i'm excited/nervous/stressed, I have dyslexia and dyscalculia.
I have one of those "no expression faces" and a somewhat "monotonous voice"
I have various interests, but only really seem to have one at a time, and when I have an interest, I like to research it a lot and gather lots of info about it and seemed to get "sucked in". Some examples are: Paganism, mental health, the universe, animals...
I've really had to learn about social situations; I'm quite good at being social but there's just some things that I can't learn, which are: not getting jokes or taking longer than the rest of the group to get the joke, being a bit "slow" in conversations, being tired out by social situations, etc.
also as for routine, I don't have strict rigid routines, but I do get irritable and angry if someone tries to change my plans for the day, or there is a big change and disrupts my day.
I also have some sensory things, like loud noises sometimes physically hurting me so I cover my ears, sometimes get panic attacks from loud noises, not liking physical touch very much, my eyes are very sensitive to light and I have my brightness on my phone and computer down to the lowest, which is still sometimes too bright, and I'm a picky eater.
But at the same time, I don't seem to get other things that i hear a lot of people with aspergers have.
Be honest, what do you think? (obviously I can't write it all down, otherwise this would be a long post!)
Hi Shay,
The things you mention are certainly enough to suspect that you might be on the autistic spectrum. Not definite, for sure, but enough to be worth looking into further.
It's important to remember that the idea of an 'autism spectrum' is not as simple as it sounds. It is not a single sliding scale from 'not autistic' to 'profoundly autistic'. In reality there is a spectrum for social impairment, a spectrum for sensory differences, a spectrum for executive functioning (e.g. planning, routine etc.) and so on. Every autistic person can be in a different place on each of those, and they don't necessarily correlate with each other. For example, my sensory issues are relatively mild, yet my executive functioning is much more severely impaired.
Your tiredness from social situations could be an indication that you are able to compensate fairly well for any social impairments. Social awareness is not an 'all or nothing' ability. Many autistic people can 'simulate' reasonable social functioning, yet are having to work so much harder than would otherwise be the case. For example, we might observe like an anthropologist to create a "User Manual" for the people around us, to make up for the lack of "instinct". This extra load on our brains can lead to exhaustion, or even a complete nervous 'burn out', even when the outcome of interactions might be better than the stereotype of autism that most people imagine.
At the very least, if anxiety and depression have been part of your life for so long, it's worth finding if there is a developmental condition underlying them. They are very common among autistic people, and if autism is contributing to your mental ill health, any treatments you receive might be less effective if this isn't taken into account.
Don't be afraid to take some of the on-line tests that Telstar mentioned. If you seek a referral for diagnosis, very similar tests will likely be used to screen you prior to being accepted. As long as you complete them honestly, they should give a reasonable indication of whether your traits are likely to be considered clinically significant - though, obviously, they are not enough on their own for a complete confirmation.
Best wishes.