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Can elements be 'fixed'

butty438

Hi all,

My son and I had a meltdown recently and although it wasn't pleasant by a long shot, it made me as a parent with a newly diagnosed child who has Aspergers re-evaluate life slightly.

On discussing this meltdown with my ex wife (his mum) I have said that maybe both he and I need to go for professional help to try and solve specific problems.  At this point she laughed at me as she mis-understood what I meant.

At no point am I thinking they can 'fix' Aspergers but can certain traits within be stopped or is it my responsibility as a parent to work round them?  To try and put this into context, my son plans things to the n'th degree and goes into a mini meltdown if even one of a hundred things doesn't go the way he planned it.

What I suggested was some form of help/assistance/therapy to try and make him realise it isn't the end of the world.  She told me it can never be fixed and we have to get used to it - is she correct?

I hope I have made myself clear and please, I am a newby to this so if I have said anything to offend anyone , it genuinely isn't my intent.

Parents

  • Meltdowns reflect high levels of distress and confusion, hardly surprising given that social interfacing skills make it difficult to resolve misunderstandings or confusions, and there are plenty of negatives flying around.

    I think a comparison can be made with anyone having a bad day, when everything seems to go wrong, until eventually something maybe quite insignificant becomes the last straw, and you have an outburst of anger.

    For someone on the spectrum however, there are a lot of bad days, you are near explosion point most of the time, so outbursts occur often, perceived as meltdowns.

    You cannot stop the phenomenon occurring. Nor is it necessarily productive to look for immediate triggers - as they are more likely to be just "last straws".

    You can sometimes help to reduce the pressure build up by alleviating some of the anxieties and issues that wont resolve. That depends on how willing he is to explain these, or is even able to explain (or may not be able to talk anyway).

    Sometimes just identifying what is worrying him, and giving him some means to alleviate these worries, could make a difference by reducing the background distress. Also look at sensory issues that may build up stress (noisy shopping environments like supermarkets are notorious for this, or household noises - hoovers, washing machines on spin, electric drills) and see if you can reduce their impact.

    Autism isn't curable and it is there for life, not just for childhood. It varies greatly from one individual to another. Sometimes the manifestations can be so overwhelming that it cannot hope to get easier, but in others there are ways of adapting and adjusting around the difficulties.

    So wile your ex wife is right in saying it can never be fixed, you have to look at your son as an individual and hope that maybe some things will work out better, and indeed in some respects the disability bestows favours. Be optimistic but realistic. Read the About Autism sections of the NAS website, and read up on it in books.

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  • Meltdowns reflect high levels of distress and confusion, hardly surprising given that social interfacing skills make it difficult to resolve misunderstandings or confusions, and there are plenty of negatives flying around.

    I think a comparison can be made with anyone having a bad day, when everything seems to go wrong, until eventually something maybe quite insignificant becomes the last straw, and you have an outburst of anger.

    For someone on the spectrum however, there are a lot of bad days, you are near explosion point most of the time, so outbursts occur often, perceived as meltdowns.

    You cannot stop the phenomenon occurring. Nor is it necessarily productive to look for immediate triggers - as they are more likely to be just "last straws".

    You can sometimes help to reduce the pressure build up by alleviating some of the anxieties and issues that wont resolve. That depends on how willing he is to explain these, or is even able to explain (or may not be able to talk anyway).

    Sometimes just identifying what is worrying him, and giving him some means to alleviate these worries, could make a difference by reducing the background distress. Also look at sensory issues that may build up stress (noisy shopping environments like supermarkets are notorious for this, or household noises - hoovers, washing machines on spin, electric drills) and see if you can reduce their impact.

    Autism isn't curable and it is there for life, not just for childhood. It varies greatly from one individual to another. Sometimes the manifestations can be so overwhelming that it cannot hope to get easier, but in others there are ways of adapting and adjusting around the difficulties.

    So wile your ex wife is right in saying it can never be fixed, you have to look at your son as an individual and hope that maybe some things will work out better, and indeed in some respects the disability bestows favours. Be optimistic but realistic. Read the About Autism sections of the NAS website, and read up on it in books.

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