So I went to see a Psychiatrist at a mental health clinic last week. I went because I've been having difficulties with depression other things. So I talked with the psychiatrist and he asked about my problems etc, so I told him then. He then asked me a few more questions about specific problems and said he's like to give me a test to see I had Aspergers/Autism (I can't remember which term he used.) so I said sure. So he asked me some questions from a sheet of paper he went to get. Afterwords he told me that he highly suspects that I have Aspergers and are on the Autistic Spectrum (Not sure if that was the exact term). He gave me a quick run down on what that meant and said he'd be referring me to see a specialist to make sure, but he said that he was fairly certain they would come to the same conclusion.
So for the past week, I've been reading up on Aspergers and Autism. I never considered it a possibility that I had it. I always thought that my problem was some weird manic depression, so when I started reading up on aspergers and autism something clicked in my head. I really don't know how to explain it clearly, but something changed in my head. I suddenly saw everything clearly. Like precision clearly. From what I've read about it, it all fits with me. Like my brains been constantly thinking about it and looking back at my past and now I see everything differently. I suddenly realised that a lot of things that have gone in my life can be explained by aspergers/autism. Not only that I now see that I do more problems that I ever realised. It's all overwhelming and confusing, but it still makes sense.
So I've been sitting waiting to hear about my refrral, just constantly thinking about my life and I see it completely different now. But there's a part of me that's uncertain, I really don't like being wrong about things, not in the emotional sense but like in details. A part of me is thinking that it can't be right because I'm 26, and surely someone would have noticed something? And I really don't like self diagnoses because it's not logical. I'm not a professional so any diagnoses I make wouldn't be relevant since I don't know much about psychology stuff. So I'm waiting to hear about my referral, but the waiting is annoying because all I do now is analyze myself and keep thinking whether I do have Aspergers or autism. If I a diagnosed with it, it wouldn't bother me, hell I'd be greatful for an asnwer to who i am. It's the uncertainty of it all that's bothering me.
So I have a few questions I was wanting to ask.
1. Is it possible to have gone through my entire life without realising I had all these problems? I mean I knew I had them, I just never realised the full extent of it and never really thought about them on a conscious level?
2. I have a lot of self doubt, so a part of me is telling me that aspergers/autism is logical, but another part of me is just telling me that I'm wrong and faking etc. Is this normal?
3. One thing that's been puzzling me that is that people with aspergers/autism are seen as being tidy, clean, well groomed etc, and amazing with numbers. But I'm terrible when it comes to being clean and tidy, and i can only manage basic math at best. So is it more of a stereotype? I've noticed through researching that alot of media portrayls seem to generalise people with aspergers/autism to those positive traits rather than the negative ones.
I apologise if any of that has been difficult to read in terms of grammar etc, I'm just finding it hard to focus right now. If you want to ask me something, feel free to do so, I want to learn more about all of this.
