I've been referred to see a specialist for Aspergers/Autism. Very confused right now.

Hi Cephie. You say it yourself - without the formal diagnosis, you have plenty of recignition but no definite answer to 'am I, aren't I'. I encourage people to seek formal diagnosis so that you nave the satisfaction of removing all doubt.

You're right, diganosis won't change who you are, but it will give you answers to 'so that's why...' Generaly, we're comfortable with black and white, yes or no answers. Conversely, we are usually nervous with the 'greys'!

well Plissken, it took me 3 years to get to see ENT about my deafness so well done!!!

Maybe someone else here can enlighten you about this?

I'm at a similar stage to Telstar, self diagnosed a few months ago, 57, looking at getting formal assessment. I'm very much  in the 'am I? aren't I?' stage, but I feel I must be - I tick all the boxes but its well hidden. I'm female.  My depression comes and goes, but it always comes back. I wasn't much shocked - rather relieved. Lots of 'So that's why.........' moments. But I do wonder if having a diagnosis will help, it won't change the way I am will it? I can't see me functioning any better in life. Its a comfort to hear what people here have to say though.  (thanks Treeswaving).

and good luck Plissken.

Thank you for the replies it means a lot.

So I got a letter today, saying I now have an appointment to seeo an ear, nose and throat specialist, and I don't know why. Did anyone else have to see one? Or is this just a mistake by the NHS?

Hi, and welcome.

Your feelings are much as my initial feelings were.  I'm 56, and waiting for a Formal Assessment.  I had that "sudden realisation" moment back in May that I may be on the spectrum, and I was informed that an Initial Assessment found several indicators to that effect, though of course the Full Assessment will confirm it (or not).

In my experience it's quite possible to go through life without knowing the cause but being very aware of the traits on a subconscious level - for example, I have routines I like to stick to, and get very upset if they are changed, but now I understand they are probably part of the issues I (and many of us) have.

As regards stereotypes, there are the typical supposed autism traits one hears about, and funnily enough, I think I'm definitely one of the overly tidy ones!  However, there's a great saying in the AS world which goes, "If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism" - that is, everyone on the spectrum is different, something the neurotypical world is probably still trying to come to terms with.

Luckily, as you point out so clearly, there are more positive portrayals of Asperger's/Autism too in the media, so this can only help.

I totally agree with you that the waiting time is so frustrating, and I feel exactly as you do, but you'll find some very helpful people on this forum who have already been through the process, so hopefully that will make the wait a little easier!

Best of luck.

me too and was diagnosed last year at 45 years old and yes via Psychologist through CBT had picked all this up of me and very very grateful. Diagnosis didn't happen overnight but now that it has and been diagnosed with autism - life isn't easier but it is easier in that people help me with the things I find difficult and allow me to talk my words. It does get manageable.

ment to say, i do at times feel very sad and angry as part of me thinks 'if i had been diagnosed as a child, so many tgings would have been different'.

i can think of lotsof situations where maybe i would have been accepted, supported, treated more kindly if people were aware.

that said, i have to chose - live in the past or look towards the future. am trying to do the latter.

i think your analogy is perfect.

from reading and other people's opinions - i was pretty sure before the assessment that i did have autism, but at the same time i kept thinking, don't be silly - maybe ypu're just crazy and trying to make yourself fit the croteria... but i wasn't, i was the criteria, because at last after years of struggles, we had got to the right diagnosis.

so i guess i started coming to terms with it before the official diagnosis.

on the official diagnosis i felt very mixed. huge relief, but also a bit shell shocked... it was verbal at this point.

more reading up and telling those very very close to me. seeing their reactions (no one surprised at all) helped confirm it.

receiving the official paperwork - the report with both the writing and the cold hard scores. that made it real again as evidence based and proved beyond doubt.

haven't told too many people, only very very close family and my friend, as feel there is so much i need to think through first, but my life is making more and more sense and it is all unfolding.

i accept my autism and am more relaxed because of it - especially around people who know, it just feels a huge relief to be me and to be able to stop putting on all the defense mechanisms and coping strategies that i did trying to pretend to be 'normal.'

i am still sad sometimes. many things in my life have gone wrong because of being undiagnosed. there are lots of things i haven't managed because of my asd being a barrier, but understanding why my past was so difficult, is helping me make my present easier and i hope my future is going to be better still.

i think you sound a lot like me - until it was officially proven and diagnosee you can't believe 100% i know some people are fine with self diagnosis, but i could not have ever been happy with this, as i always would have had doubts.

i hope you get your assessments soon as i really feel you will feel better knowing one way or another. the fact aprofessional (psychiatrist?) strongly suspects it, and said as much, i think there is such a good chancevthat you do have asd (from my experience, professionals rarely use diagnostic terms unless they are pretty sure)

 good luck and hope it will  bring some support and resolution to you.

I'm a male, sorry I should have been clearer. But thank you all for replying, it means a lot. I'm sorry if this is a bit personal to ask, but how long did it take for you all to come to terms with it all? I think the idea is starting to sink in now, but it's just happening slowly; like a series of dominoes falling, but some of them are falling at different speeds. I'm sorry if that analogy isn't very good, it's just the best way I can explain it right now.

I am also 26 & waiting for an assessment (November).  Again, like you, Aspergers was never mentioned until I started Googling female traits & realised I ticked over half of the boxes.

Since I've told some people I'm waiting for assessment, I've been surprised by the number of people who aren't surprised by it.  However my parents remain unconvinced, as do I, a bit like you.  Sometimes I think I'm faking or exaggerating signs, and on other occasions I don't understand how it's taken so long for autism to be mentioned.

In response to your third question, tidy and I fell out of love years ago.  My flat is a tip, and I always have more important things to do than clean.  I have no interest in being 'well groomed', as long as the clothes I'm wearing aren't dirty & I don't smell, I don't see any problem.  So no, not all autistic people are tidy, clean and obsessed with numbers.  My obsession at the minute (as it has been for years) is the Air Cadets, I'm currently a Sergeant & I love the whole 'uniformed role' as a staff member.  The only thing that will be clean, pressed and tidy every time I wear it is my RAF uniform.

if you want to chat as we both negotiate the path towards diagnosis, then I'm happy to.

Jess

not being personal , but are you female?

the female presentation of asd is often very different to the male version - not that all males with aspergers fit the stereotyped view either!

if you are female read some stuff on asd specific to women.

for years i thought i couldn't have asd, as i was subscribing to the male stereotype. i knew i had lots of traits, but not the male versions that predominate a lot of literature.

reading books on asd in women, suddenly there was i on the page!

diagnosed recently and my life is beginning to make sense. no longer do i have to fake being 'normal'. i'm accepting myself for who i am, a female with autism.

wish you luck and hope it doesn't take too long to get a diagnosis. don't let anyone tell you it doesn't matter. it does hugely. i couldn't cope with the uncertainty of not knowing, though i was quite sure and so were some people around me, but i felt quite relieved to have the assessments and be officially diagnosed - it is now unequivically true, where as before i felt a bit silly thinking it.

often you can't access services / get allowances made if necessary in work etc if you don't have an official diagnosis, so it really is a positive thing, though it does feel strange and you will be angry for a while knowing you've gone so many years without knowing.

good luck.

ps my general house keeping is awful, but my special interests are merticulous. you can be tidy and messy!

Hello and welcome!

Yes it is possible to go through your entire adult life without anyone picking up that you might be autistic. I was diagnosed at 54. This is partly because we develop coping strategies so that the outside world does not see the problems we're experiencing, we internalise them and look normal on the outside. This is maybe why you feel like you're faking being autistic, we can get to a point where nothing about us feels authentic or genuine.

As you say there are stereotypes about what an autistic person is and is not. We are not all frantically tidy and calculating prime numbers in our heads. We are as varied as neurotypical people. Its my own personal view that neurotypical people prefer the stereotypes because the idea that they just can't tell who is autistic is deeply disturbng to them.

Do not worry about the confusion, this is a massive thing to deal with. If you are autistic then it means reconstructing your idea of who you are. Make sure that you and you alone do this and don't allow yourself to be defined by the medical definition of autism. We are far more than that!

Wishing you heaps of luck!