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I'm struggling to decide

TeaRex

If I should ask my GP for a diagnosis or not or if I am even aspie at all.

I've been to my docs so many times in the past 9 months regards anxieties, stress and life issues holding me back. I can't help but feel they're sick of seeing me and maybe they think I'm looking for excuses for being lazy/failure. I've already been referred for ADHD that didn't become of anything because even though I fee I have ADHD symptoms that affect my life, my assessor didn't think so and dismissed it as 'traits' that don't warrent any kind of treatment.

Everyone seems to want to focus more on childhood when this is an area of my life I struggle to remember and I've never kept any paper records that have documented my struggles. And I don't mean to sound too harsh about my mum (I love my mum) but I don't think she has the ability to have recognized any issues with me as a child. Anytime I ask her about my childhood, it feels like a very robotic answer of 'I was a good kid, was no trouble at all'. And that's all I get. I personally remember tantrums where I felt like my life had ended. Tantrums where I would scream in the street to bring attention to myself in hopes someone would take me away, I had what I believe you would call separation anxiety when my mum went to the shop and left me at home if she was longer than 10 minutes (she always talked to the shopkeeper for ages) I would panic, I would believe my anger and rage would bring her home (even though she wasn't there to see it) and at times I would physically go and get her. 

I socialized OK as a child I think. I never liked going to other kids houses for tea and I was never a fan of them coming over to mine either, but I talked and played with other kids if I had to. Personally I preferred my own company. Never a Dan of sharing but did it because I was told it was polite and this is what I had to do.

I never noticed any issues with myself until I started being bullied at comprehensive school. Dismissed the issues because I didn't understand them everything got so much worse the older I got and now at 30 everything us still getting worse. I don't know why, or if this is an ASD thing but I am finding that I struggle to understand a lot of things that it seems 'normal' people have no problem with. Forms. Forms are my nightmare because they word everything so 'adult' that there's no possible way for me to comprehend! I feel like my thoughts and experiences are mature, but the way in which I process and break down information is still child-like and I'm absolutely sure this is not an NT thing in any way, but I just don't know which area this relates to, how to combat it, if thus aspect can be treated or how to tackle it. I suppose I'm here on the ASD forums because  I feel I relate to the bare symptoms and some of it makes sense. But not all?

I've recently been diagnosed with SA too but I think that is just a symptom of deeper, unresolved issues. 

Parents

  • Hi TeaRex, dunno if you read my 'venting' post last night, but I was going to call it 'I need help'. I didn't because I don't want a pile of 'anti-suicide/see your GP' posts.  Think is I've reached a point where I can see that what I feel is not normal, and its not 'just depression'. And I'm really, really tired of it, to the point where I don't really feel able to even discuss it, certainly not starting from nothing, with a stranger. So I sympathise with what you are going through.

    What I am going to do is based on advice from here really - and maybe it would help you too?

    I am going to try and get a diagnosis - or not, as the case may be. At least I will know more.

    Over the next few weeks I am going to write down all the things that make me think I may be autistic, and I am going to write down in large letters across the top of the paper something like:

    'I think there is something else at the root of this depression. Treating the depression is not helping and it would make sense to look at what might be the root cause. I would like to be taken seriously in this and see a qualified, experienced, autism professional, even if it is only to rule out autism.'

    Then I am going to make an appointment and ask for a referral.

    Autism is not visible and your GP is not a specialist in this area. They seem to mistrust self diagnosis, and I can see reasons for that, but at the same time, we are not all idiots either. If I had a dodgy mole I would expect to be referred to someone who could check for cancer, rather than be fobbed off with cosmetic surgery - which to my mind is equivalent to being given anti-depressants. (You'll see I have no trouble with metaphor!)

    If you feel that's all too much, maybe a mental health charity - like NAS or MIND have some services in your area and can help you sort it out in your own head. Myself I think going for a diagnosis is the best route. Good luck to you whatever you decide

Reply

  • Hi TeaRex, dunno if you read my 'venting' post last night, but I was going to call it 'I need help'. I didn't because I don't want a pile of 'anti-suicide/see your GP' posts.  Think is I've reached a point where I can see that what I feel is not normal, and its not 'just depression'. And I'm really, really tired of it, to the point where I don't really feel able to even discuss it, certainly not starting from nothing, with a stranger. So I sympathise with what you are going through.

    What I am going to do is based on advice from here really - and maybe it would help you too?

    I am going to try and get a diagnosis - or not, as the case may be. At least I will know more.

    Over the next few weeks I am going to write down all the things that make me think I may be autistic, and I am going to write down in large letters across the top of the paper something like:

    'I think there is something else at the root of this depression. Treating the depression is not helping and it would make sense to look at what might be the root cause. I would like to be taken seriously in this and see a qualified, experienced, autism professional, even if it is only to rule out autism.'

    Then I am going to make an appointment and ask for a referral.

    Autism is not visible and your GP is not a specialist in this area. They seem to mistrust self diagnosis, and I can see reasons for that, but at the same time, we are not all idiots either. If I had a dodgy mole I would expect to be referred to someone who could check for cancer, rather than be fobbed off with cosmetic surgery - which to my mind is equivalent to being given anti-depressants. (You'll see I have no trouble with metaphor!)

    If you feel that's all too much, maybe a mental health charity - like NAS or MIND have some services in your area and can help you sort it out in your own head. Myself I think going for a diagnosis is the best route. Good luck to you whatever you decide

Children
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