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Concern for the future with my teenage son.

mumof3lincs

My eldest son has recently been diagnosed with ASD at 15.  I have known as his mum for many years that something was a little different but it has taken us 10 years to get to where we are now.  My biggest concern for him though is his future.  His violent episodes are getting worse as he is getting older and I have no way of restraining him during a period of red mist.  He was recently given a fixed term exclusion from school due to a fight that he involved himself in, this may now cause difficulties in keeping him within the school for sixth form study.

We have perhaps now exhausted all options for him, we have tried family action, targeted youth worker, anger management, CAMHS, Peadiatricians.  It appears that despite a diagnosis the support for his social issues is still not forthcoming.  We are being referred back to CAMHS by our GP to find further assistance but, with this health department being what it is in our area, we are not hopeful.  Is there anywhere that we can go in the meantime? We are in a rural community in South Lincolnshire and support groups seem to be hard to find.

Any assistance and advice would be very much appreciated.

  • Hi all

    My ex-wife, Mother to my Aspergers daughter Emma, phoned social services today to say she was at the end of her tether dealing with Emma and was so depressed she was threatening to walk out.  Emma's case worker has been seconded to another branch (we weren't told) so she was referred to the emergency care team.  All they did was to tell my ex-wife to phone the doctor and get an appointment and contact mental health people.  When I phoned to say this was unreasonable I asked for someone to do a home visit to check on my ex wife and daughter they refused saying it's not what they do. When I finally spoke to the emergency care team person my ex-wife originally spoke to, whilst they were sympathetic. they said they were short of staff.

    So my ex-wife got to see the doctor quite quickly and they perscribed medication to help and ould refer her on for councilling but insisted in seeing Emma as she is now 19 to understand her position.  An appointment was made but Emma (who has become so insular) refused to go to the Doctors and started to get verbal and violent.  When my ex-wife asked for a home visit the doctor refused.

    Later in the day the emergency care worker suggested two other phone numbers for my ex-wife to call one was the early intervention team.  She of course is feeling really poorly and hasnt made any calls.  I have just got back from work and of course will see what I can do in the morning, we live 2 and a half hours away.

    So you can see we are a bit stuck.  Does anyone know what our next step should be.  No one seems interested in taking the lead for us.  Things are calm at the moment but they could get so much worse.

    Any help/advice greatfully received.

    Thank you

  • I don't really have anything helpful to offer, I just want to offer *hugs*

    I can't completely relate to your predicament because although I have children which can be challenging in their behaviour, I'm still trying to find my feet with them. I myself was a nightmare teenager. I left school in year 9, I hated it. I started/got involved in fights with girls and boys, I was a very angry young girl at the time and extremely frustrated. I was being bullied at school and didn't really have any friends, I found socialising, how to behave, really difficult. I was also too trusting and took people at face value and people took advantage of that, which made things worse in my behaviour. It's difficult enough being a teenager, but when you have added difficulties it can be so isolating and you do feel extremely vulnerable. My take on it was to protect myself with that anger, it was the only way I knew how to manage at school, until I left. If your son is experiencing similar difficulties at school then I would imagine that's why he's behaving the way he is?

    Are there any other options open to him regarding his education? Are there any colleges that cater for the difficulties he has? I was eventually ordered by the court to attend a school for kids with behavioural problems (they were mostly kids who'd been excluded from every mainstream school), but because I was aware of this, it made me even more defensive as I assumed I'd be picked on. That may not be a good option for him, but maybe somewhere that is able to manage and has experience in ASD could be helpful? 

  • "red mist" may conceal bullying, singling out for name-calling or abuse, isolation or other peer behaviour.

    Teenage years do seem to produce extreme reactions for people with autism as this is when they may feel most different from their peers, and most differentiated against.

    It is important to ensure they are not being got at by others for entertainment by taking unfair advantage of their disability. It may be hard to find out what is going on as he may not feel able to explain, and it may be out of sight of teachers.

    I think particularly, when he is involved in a fight, he may be defending himself in the longer perspective even if how it pans out makes him look like the villain.

    Regarding support groups, even where available groups are twenty or thirty miles away, or further afield, there are parents who will have tried before, so those groups may know of informal groups in your area.