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Possible to be sociable with Aspergers

Migsy

Hi

I'm new to the formum.  I have had problems with my 10 yr old all his life with very challenging behaviour which seems to fit with AS.  He is functions well though and copes just about OK at school.  I find his behaviour at home increasingly difficult to manage as he get physically bigger and stronger.  I also find his stresses and meltdowns hard.  

 

The thing which has always made me think he is not ASD is that he is very sociable. He has no problems with eye contact etc.  However, he can behave inappropriately and tends to hurt people a lot, for example, he will get angry when playing football and trip other players up or he might kick a ball towards someone's face if they do something he doesn't like.  So, he does have some problems socially, it is just that he is friendly and loves social gatherings such as parties etc.  He has plenty of friends although I do hear them having a word with him for his unwanted behaviour sometimes.

 

Is it possible to have AS and still be sociable and friendly?  

 

Parents

  • Hi migsy,

    Just wanted to say that my son who is 16 had a very good circle of "friends" at primary school. I added the quotations because it realy does depend on what you mean by both friends and sociability. My son who has AS desperatly wants to have friends and to be sociable its just he doesnt understand the social norms and therefore annoys people constantly or would just appear standing near a group or in fact to close to a group of people and would consider himself to be part of this group even though the group would not think that way, also my son would often tell me things that had happened or were said at school but he didnt pick up on the underlying message and would just be reporting to me as he has a need to tell me things even if they dont bother him ,for example someone snapping at michael and saying 'im too busy to be bothered with you ' he would take to mean that they were actualy too busy and at the first opertunity when the person does not look busy he would re ask them without any idea that the person just didnt want to know or picking up on the differences in tone of voice or even the fact that he had been snapped at. I found that primary school kids are the most forgiving of this as they are just learning these social rules themselves and are far more accepting of differences than older children. So at a primary school age he would of appeared to be sociable and have friends.

    The whole social scene in secondary school pointed out his strugles far more than primary school. However he is now in college with a group of people with similar interests to him as they are studying film, who seem to acept his differences and even respect his trivia knowledge on his faviourite subject, yep films, and are happy to talk to him for ages about it. Also there are some older people in the class who seem to see when he is lost and jump in to explain things to him.

    Dont know if that all makes sence to you or helps in any way. I found the post from Kalojaro very helpfull myself to understand some of my sons behaviour.

    All the best

    Sam

    x

Reply

  • Hi migsy,

    Just wanted to say that my son who is 16 had a very good circle of "friends" at primary school. I added the quotations because it realy does depend on what you mean by both friends and sociability. My son who has AS desperatly wants to have friends and to be sociable its just he doesnt understand the social norms and therefore annoys people constantly or would just appear standing near a group or in fact to close to a group of people and would consider himself to be part of this group even though the group would not think that way, also my son would often tell me things that had happened or were said at school but he didnt pick up on the underlying message and would just be reporting to me as he has a need to tell me things even if they dont bother him ,for example someone snapping at michael and saying 'im too busy to be bothered with you ' he would take to mean that they were actualy too busy and at the first opertunity when the person does not look busy he would re ask them without any idea that the person just didnt want to know or picking up on the differences in tone of voice or even the fact that he had been snapped at. I found that primary school kids are the most forgiving of this as they are just learning these social rules themselves and are far more accepting of differences than older children. So at a primary school age he would of appeared to be sociable and have friends.

    The whole social scene in secondary school pointed out his strugles far more than primary school. However he is now in college with a group of people with similar interests to him as they are studying film, who seem to acept his differences and even respect his trivia knowledge on his faviourite subject, yep films, and are happy to talk to him for ages about it. Also there are some older people in the class who seem to see when he is lost and jump in to explain things to him.

    Dont know if that all makes sence to you or helps in any way. I found the post from Kalojaro very helpfull myself to understand some of my sons behaviour.

    All the best

    Sam

    x

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