Possible to be sociable with Aspergers

Hiya, just saying I remember having a few of those when I was little, still get told to speak slowly to date. I've got Aspergers Syndrome (High Functioning) and I'd just like to point out a few things on your list that I did and why I thought it was the right thing so maybe you can see why your son acts that way?

Getting angry far too often and lashing out at siblings for no good reason;

When I was little my younger sister used to mock me, lash out at me, insult me and much more when mum wasn't around, so when I finally lost it I'd lash out, only for her to run whining to mum lying and blaming me for it. It was only until a few years ago when mum caught her in the act that this finally got addressed, so think hard because usually people with ASD have no reason to lie and can be brutally honest, so personally I'd favour his view on things rather than his siblings.

Getting angry with teachers (he bottles this up)

Being expected to do things a certain way that you find confusing or pointless then getting pretty much told 'I'm big, you're small, I'm right, you're wrong' by the teacher, leaving you feeling powerless and angry. I still do this to date, only now my mum encourages me to have a good rant whenever I get home to help me calm down.

Getting  highly stressed about being late or not being able to do something "right".

Anxiety. Took me getting diagnosed to realise what this emotion really was. But seriously, if I'm not on time or I do something 'wrong' repeatedly, for what some see as no reason at all I will literally feel as though something terrible will happen, as though I'd suddenly drop dead if I didn't make it in time or get it right. Coping slightly better now, more used to 'going with the flow', but structure is the one thing I can cling to when I feel like I'm getting out of my depth.

Having tantrums/meltdowns when things do not go his way.

Usually upset/annoyed no one even seemed to be listening to what I say. You have any idea how annoying it is when you have a plan that would work, only to be told you're doing something else that doesn't make as much sense? I know now I wasn't always right but still, at least if someone explained why we were doing something different to my way then I could calm down a little. Would still strop about being wrong but wouldn't hit meltdown.

Sleep problems

After being diagnosed (about a month ago) mum bought me a hammock, and I was told to play music at night to drown out any sounds that would wake me up. Best nights sleep in my entire life.

Going on and on about something incessantly until it is resolved.

Again, right and wrong. In school and at home, you're always told things should be a certain way. Being little, you take this seriously. Adults seem to brush off what you deem a big issue, they could be watching TV while you're worrying to death over something like going to the park when they said they'd take you, so the only logical path is to keep reminding the adult that something must be done.

Having difficulty waiting, e.g. at doctors or barbers and getting up to ask staff how much longer he has to wait

Boredom. In ten minutes, I could be drawing, going online, doing homework, walkign the dog, watching TV etc. etc. Time wasting is not good. Being told to sit still and do nothing is torture. Lately I've been makng my own rubber band ball whenever I have to wait for something, or I play with a piece of fur I've got on a necklace, it keeps me distracted until the appointment is up.

Fear of lifts/stairs/escalators

It is a bloody long way down if you fall. If you trip on stairs you'll fall for ages, break limbs etc etc. If you're on the escalators your shoelace could get chewed up and it might take your foot off, or you'll fall. If you're in a lift..... its either a very small metal, or glass, box that goes really high, what if you get stuck? Will you suffocate? Will you fall? What? Its all about anxiety again. The fear may seem silly to you but to us these situations can genuinely happen. I can go up stairs or use escalators now, but even so I cling to the banisters and sides with a deathgrip and go slow, just to be safe.

Fear of food - he has a limited diet and will only eat very plain food such as a bowl of pasta or rice with no sauce

I hate sauce. It feels weird and gross. Also makes my food all slimey and horrible. I'll have you know I lived off ham sandwiches, rice and chicken and peas, and other forms of plain meat with rice for a whole year (as long as I had some butter to go with it). Its just, the taste and the texture of some foods is horrible, I hate slimey, so I avoid slimey, it's not a fear, more of a preference, although you'd think someone was trying to kill me when I was little and given tomato sauce, screamed the house down.

Has to get dressed in a certain order

Again, routine. If you stick to routine, everythings fine, everything's safe, you know what you've done, where you are and what you're doing. If you don't, you'll forget things then panic later on once you realise.

Hates change

I used to scream, cry and cling to solid objects when I was taken from nursery into reception. I did the same from reception to infants, from infants to juniors, and when the schools became a primary (still surprised no one noticed my symptoms by then to date). When a playcentre opposite my road was knocked down for flats, I also used to freak out constantly, it's taken five years to get used to them there now. Change is a break in the routine, its not safe, you feel scared, insecure and totally alone. Anxiety once more.

Will not tolerate simple dental/medical procedures

I don't know these people, why should I a) let a weirdo with a funny chair and scary lights poke metal things around in my mouth and b) let anyone near me with a needle? I nearly punched a woman giving me the cervical cancer jab a few years ago, luckily I'd warned her and she ducked but my point still stands, its an unknown situation and anxiety kicks in, making you scared and closed to any form of 'reasoning'.

Obsessive behaviour and expecting his brother to take part in his obsessions.

Takes a while for you to realise no one else wants to play with you. This lead to depression and isolation for me during high school, as at that point no one wanted to even know about any of the things I was interested in. As a kid you just assume everyone likes what you like, because other kids assume you like what they like.

Overall I'd say try and get him assessed, these are pretty strong traits and it can't do any harm, if he's diagnosed, you'll be given ways of understanding and coping with his behaviour, and if he's not, at least you know he's not.

Good luck.

Hiya, just saying I remember having a few of those when I was little, still get told to speak slowly to date. I've got Aspergers Syndrome (High Functioning) and I'd just like to point out a few things on your list that I did and why I thought it was the right thing so maybe you can see why your son acts that way?

Getting angry far too often and lashing out at siblings for no good reason;

When I was little my younger sister used to mock me, lash out at me, insult me and much more when mum wasn't around, so when I finally lost it I'd lash out, only for her to run whining to mum lying and blaming me for it. It was only until a few years ago when mum caught her in the act that this finally got addressed, so think hard because usually people with ASD have no reason to lie and can be brutally honest, so personally I'd favour his view on things rather than his siblings.

Getting angry with teachers (he bottles this up)

Being expected to do things a certain way that you find confusing or pointless then getting pretty much told 'I'm big, you're small, I'm right, you're wrong' by the teacher, leaving you feeling powerless and angry. I still do this to date, only now my mum encourages me to have a good rant whenever I get home to help me calm down.

Getting  highly stressed about being late or not being able to do something "right".

Anxiety. Took me getting diagnosed to realise what this emotion really was. But seriously, if I'm not on time or I do something 'wrong' repeatedly, for what some see as no reason at all I will literally feel as though something terrible will happen, as though I'd suddenly drop dead if I didn't make it in time or get it right. Coping slightly better now, more used to 'going with the flow', but structure is the one thing I can cling to when I feel like I'm getting out of my depth.

Having tantrums/meltdowns when things do not go his way.

Usually upset/annoyed no one even seemed to be listening to what I say. You have any idea how annoying it is when you have a plan that would work, only to be told you're doing something else that doesn't make as much sense? I know now I wasn't always right but still, at least if someone explained why we were doing something different to my way then I could calm down a little. Would still strop about being wrong but wouldn't hit meltdown.

Sleep problems

After being diagnosed (about a month ago) mum bought me a hammock, and I was told to play music at night to drown out any sounds that would wake me up. Best nights sleep in my entire life.

Going on and on about something incessantly until it is resolved.

Again, right and wrong. In school and at home, you're always told things should be a certain way. Being little, you take this seriously. Adults seem to brush off what you deem a big issue, they could be watching TV while you're worrying to death over something like going to the park when they said they'd take you, so the only logical path is to keep reminding the adult that something must be done.

Having difficulty waiting, e.g. at doctors or barbers and getting up to ask staff how much longer he has to wait

Boredom. In ten minutes, I could be drawing, going online, doing homework, walkign the dog, watching TV etc. etc. Time wasting is not good. Being told to sit still and do nothing is torture. Lately I've been makng my own rubber band ball whenever I have to wait for something, or I play with a piece of fur I've got on a necklace, it keeps me distracted until the appointment is up.

Fear of lifts/stairs/escalators

It is a bloody long way down if you fall. If you trip on stairs you'll fall for ages, break limbs etc etc. If you're on the escalators your shoelace could get chewed up and it might take your foot off, or you'll fall. If you're in a lift..... its either a very small metal, or glass, box that goes really high, what if you get stuck? Will you suffocate? Will you fall? What? Its all about anxiety again. The fear may seem silly to you but to us these situations can genuinely happen. I can go up stairs or use escalators now, but even so I cling to the banisters and sides with a deathgrip and go slow, just to be safe.

Fear of food - he has a limited diet and will only eat very plain food such as a bowl of pasta or rice with no sauce

I hate sauce. It feels weird and gross. Also makes my food all slimey and horrible. I'll have you know I lived off ham sandwiches, rice and chicken and peas, and other forms of plain meat with rice for a whole year (as long as I had some butter to go with it). Its just, the taste and the texture of some foods is horrible, I hate slimey, so I avoid slimey, it's not a fear, more of a preference, although you'd think someone was trying to kill me when I was little and given tomato sauce, screamed the house down.

Has to get dressed in a certain order

Again, routine. If you stick to routine, everythings fine, everything's safe, you know what you've done, where you are and what you're doing. If you don't, you'll forget things then panic later on once you realise.

Hates change

I used to scream, cry and cling to solid objects when I was taken from nursery into reception. I did the same from reception to infants, from infants to juniors, and when the schools became a primary (still surprised no one noticed my symptoms by then to date). When a playcentre opposite my road was knocked down for flats, I also used to freak out constantly, it's taken five years to get used to them there now. Change is a break in the routine, its not safe, you feel scared, insecure and totally alone. Anxiety once more.

Will not tolerate simple dental/medical procedures

I don't know these people, why should I a) let a weirdo with a funny chair and scary lights poke metal things around in my mouth and b) let anyone near me with a needle? I nearly punched a woman giving me the cervical cancer jab a few years ago, luckily I'd warned her and she ducked but my point still stands, its an unknown situation and anxiety kicks in, making you scared and closed to any form of 'reasoning'.

Obsessive behaviour and expecting his brother to take part in his obsessions.

Takes a while for you to realise no one else wants to play with you. This lead to depression and isolation for me during high school, as at that point no one wanted to even know about any of the things I was interested in. As a kid you just assume everyone likes what you like, because other kids assume you like what they like.

Overall I'd say try and get him assessed, these are pretty strong traits and it can't do any harm, if he's diagnosed, you'll be given ways of understanding and coping with his behaviour, and if he's not, at least you know he's not.

Good luck.